NeedHappiness

I need some prayers that I will have the courage tonight to ask my ABF to find another place to live. I have contemplated this for over a year now....even making him leave twice, but returning to bring him home shortly afterwards. I want/NEED this time to be IT!! I have been an emotional mess all day over this! Actually I have been a mess since we returned from our camping trip over Memorial weekend. I have tried to block it out of my mind, I have tried ignoring it, etc...but in reality, I know this is a step I MUST take in order to start my own recovery. His feelings are going to be deeply hurt and I'm not one for intentionally hurting someone...especially someone I love. He will most certainly take our dog (my baby) with him, as it was given to him by his sister, although I am the one who has really taken care of her! UGH! It makes me sick even thinking about it!!
My antidepressants aren't working either, so I have an appointment with my doctor on Thursday. Sometimes I wonder if I really need the pills or if breaking ties with him will make me feel better in the long run. I sure can't tell any difference these pills are doing me!!
Please say a little prayer that I will have the courage to do what I need to do tonight. I feel really emotional and weak but I know I need to get this over with.
HELP!! :codiepolice

Bernadette

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best:
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

You can do this NeedHappiness.
Sometimes we cannot make the life we want in any easy or popular way! There will be times when we are hurt, or when we cause pain or inconvenience to others by not doing things that please THEM - but if we are following our conscience and we are not malicious then we may go forward with confidence. You have the right to break up with your boyfriend! For any reason you so choose.

Stay strong!
:praying
B.

Barbara52

You have my prayers. You can do this and take care of yourself. You deserve more than what you have now.

cmc

I'm praying for you to have the courage to take good care of yourself, and prayers for strength too.

lexusgirl

:praying

Mair

If i can do it then so can you my friend, you'll know when your ready. Prayers and hugs coming your way.

Mair xx

i4getsm

Praying for your strength. Let us know. If anything, maybe knowing that you will need to "report" back to us will give you that extra courage!

daisies

You can do it. I have faith in you.

SailorKaren

You have so much courage already; you've expressed yourself to him, and have already been to the step of asking him to leave. He's had many chances to be right by you. He is an addict, you are not his beloved. He loves his drinking more than life itself.
Remember, antidepressants aren't "feel good" drugs. The fact that you are to the point of asking him to leave may mean they are actually working perfectly! When antidepressants were offered to me during my recovery therapy, it was explained how they can be effective in bringing us enough out of the hole to be able to do our recovery work. Recovery work is painful in the short run. We are making investments in ourselves in the hope of a better life down the road. It is totally worth it!! I encourage you to stay on the meds and taper off per your doctor's instruction if you choose to discontinue them. There can be nasty side effects for stopping cold turkey.

Please keep posting and let us know how it went for you.
Karen

salsadancer13

I can definitely relate. I kicked my 'dry drunk' boyfriend of 2 years out 2 weeks ago. I'm going to be real honest with you. It has sucked. My doctor prescribed me antidepressants because I couldn't stop crying. I'm in counseling, too, but I miss him. I can only remember the good things, god damit. I think about when we first met, etc., etc. It is hard but you can do it. It will not be quick, however. Allow yourself the time to grieve his loss. Let yourself cry as much as you want. Feel free to contact me if you need any support.

NeedHappiness

I'm ashamed to say that I couldn't do it.....AGAIN! When I got home I laid across the bed trying to find the right words to "go in and tell him", but......I found myself crying and making excuses instead. He didn't drink that night, nor the next 2 nights and was on extremely good behavior. It's like he subconsciously KNOWS it is going to happen so he goes on best-behavior.
Now, with it being Friday and payday we'll see what happens. It would be so much easier for me to tell him when he is drunk and disgusting! Isn't that terrible of me?

I know it is going to and needs to happen; I guess it just wasn't time yet. Don't give up on me. I know what I need to do.

Lilyflower

I could have written your first post, it reflected my situation so well, and now your second post! It is surreal how similar things are.

I ended it with my exabf about 2 months ago. In the past I had told him to go, left myself, over and over. Then in February I told him it wasn't working for me. After a year of an endless rollercoaster/merry-go-round of him quitting, binging, quitting, I asked him to do 3 things for me, in order to help me gain clarity and peace of mind, I gave him 2 weeks to get himself back to AA for regular meetings, go back to his therapist and stop drinking. He couldn't.

I remember going to my therapist and saying that he had since stopped drinking although he hasn't done any of the other things. I knew that he had done this before and that without AA and therapy it was only a matter of time until he started again.

It did about a week or so later. Gradually over a few days he drank more and more, and then one day he didn't come home until the early hours of the morning and I knew I was done.

I told him to find somewhere else to live a few days after.

It was hard, we still lived together for a month until he went. The day I told him I knew it would be different from the other times. I didn't feel any nerves about it or any upset really. I had come to my end.

I'll be thinking of you, you will get through this,

Love Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bernadette

((((NeedHappiness))))
Us give up on you??? Not a chance!!

But YOU don't give up on YOU!!! That's the only one that matters!
Easy does it.
Peace,
B.

sailorjohn

No shame there, have put myself through the same misery now for almost 2 years. I don't think it's terrible of you, you have to do what you have to do to protect yourself, if you trust the A to do the right thing you're setting yourself up for failure. They know how to play us, they will if given the opportunity. Can't tell you how comforting your words have been, when we're going through this we think that we're completely alone, even though on an intellectual level we know that countless others are going through or have gone through the same agony. My thoughts go out to you.

CatsPajamas

I learned there is no timetable for things like this. You'll know when it's the right time, and you'll be able to summon the inner strength you need to make it happen.

I spent a long time in that limbo place - almost feeling like I was stuck in quicksand. I knew I was sinking lower and lower, but struggling to get myself free was scary too.

I started slowly, by making a promise to myself that I would make the changes necessary for ME to be happy, healthy and whole. I began a program of recovery, I learned about setting boundaries, and I started to say NO to people, places and things that were toxic to me. It worked for me... and I realized that our relationship itself was toxic for me. I chose to not label him as "good" or "bad"... just the relationship was toxic and therefore I needed to not be in it.

One day at a time, you can improve your life.