stillsearching

Well, for the longest time I have pretty much kept to myself about what was going on in our home with my AH, then it was shared with the older children when they actually brought something to my attention, I could not pretend anymore so they know what is going on because they have observed it themselves, I have recently started sharing with friends too. Well today I was talking with my Mom (my Dad recently passed away) about a cermony that is coming up in which my Dad will be honered that is about 2 hours away from home. She made a comment about my husband coming and I said no he was staying home to take care of the animals and it would just be me and the children. She said something else about him and it all started spilling out, what has been going on for the last several years, how bad it has gotten what do I do next, on and on. I knew that she must of have a thought that something was going on because she would bring his name up and seemed to wait to see what my response was going to be....she said she knew something was up, but didn't know what. She wishes there was something she could do to help, but I told her that by listening that was helping. So finally it's out, I knew it was going to happen soon because I can't hide things anymore...it's good to know that she understands...

GiveLove

searching,

I know that for me, it was such a huge relief when I felt I could finally share my situation with other people who cared about me. I swear, half my pain came from feeling so alone about the whole thing....

I'm so glad you talked to your mom. Building a support system is sooo important.

:ghug3

peaceteach

I don't know why, but this is bringing tears to my eyes. I guess it's because I'm a mom, and I would want more than anything for my daughter to feel like she could come to me when she's in pain. I'm so glad for you AND for your mom that you shared with her. It seems to me to be a good step in your walk towards healing yourself

stillsearching

thanks guys, yes Peach I too am a Mom and I know that my children and I have this type of relationship. I am in my early 40's and my Mom is 79 and in that "older" generation where you just didn't talk about things like that, let alone share them, especially for women that you just kept the secrets quiet, if you know what I mean. I am glad it is out in the open because I think it will help me to move forward too...

i4getsm

My therapist and I just had this conversation recently because my FIL said he was mad at "us both"...referring to my STBXAH and me...over my decision to leave him. At the time, I just said "ok" and walked away. She said that I should have bluntly said "you have no reason to be mad at me. Your son has chosen alcohol and other women over his own family. Talk to him about your anger." Quite frankly, I was shocked that she would suggest I do this. In my mind, I was trying to keep the peace with them. Trying to avoid being the tattle-tale. She said "when there's a big pink elephant in the room, you need to point it out. Not ignore it".

It is still hard for me to admit to them what their son has done. (My family knows.) I just don't feel like it's my place. But I do know that it is alienating me from them. He of course has told them nothing.

I'm really glad you were able to open up to your mother. I know when I told my mom, it was a huge relief to have their support and not feel so alone with it all.

Blondie

Telling my AH's parents about the problems in our marriage would have been like talking to a brick. When my AH's parents found out he got a second DUI (and his first motorcycle accident) it didn't matter. They were still in denial that he had a problem. His mother even told him "YOU don't need AA because you are NOT an alcoholic." :wtf2

Well, I let my family know what is going on and they know everything. I just couldn't keep it to myself because it hurt so much. It does make you feel better when you can talk about it doesn't it.

Pajarito

I am finding that the more I talk- with some discretion- the better I feel. I am slowly losing the shame I was holding inside for so long. I'm so glad you could finally open up to your mom. I think people who care about you will be glad you confide in them. They may even reach out to help you. I recently had quite a few neighborhood friends over to help me get my house ready to sell. AH wants nothing to do with it- but I am sure will want to pocket any money we make in selling it. I felt so alone in this until I started talking to my friends and they suggested an "open house" where anyone who wanted to help could come over. We spent the day working- but it was fun! The kids ran around the neighborhood playing, we got a lot done, and had a bbq afterwards. I felt so emotional- knowing I had hidden the truth from people who obviously care about me. Miracles happen when you open up.

Shivaya

Stillsearching,

I'm so glad to hear that you shared your situation with your Mom. I have to say, there is something very comforting about going over to your Mom's house by yourself (if you can), having her cook you a nice meal, and crying your eyes out on her couch like you've never cried before (while she hands you tissues)!

I've done this at my Mom's house several times, and it is a big relief just to get those emotions out in front of someone who truly loves you no matter what!

Good for you!

Shivaya

daisies

I can say from personal experience that when i broke down and told my mother about my AH I felt like a huge load had been lifted. My mom had known for some time that something was going on in my life.

Take care of yourself

freeflower

I had the same problem...for years my mom new I wasn't happy and than last summer, i really needed to tell her. She had been dignosed with cancer a year before and her time was running short and I needed her to talk to me about life etc. before it was to late and ..she did. because of her love and advice I am now living on my own and trying to find my way. I don't think anyone loves you more and wants whats best for you more than your own mother. My mom passed away in oct of last year and everytime I get unsure about my decisions ..I think of our conversation and I feel stronger again. Having a great mother to share with is priceless.