SugarScars

I can't take my suboxone until 6 PM tonight ...

long story.

i'm in acute withdrawal. I have no money. I'm scared. I have no car. I have no phone. I hate everyone.

sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am just in so much pain right now. my friend robbed me the other day.

i am being REAL here. no sugar-coat down your throat, this is what addiction really looks like - HELL - so, run away!!!!!!!!! before you get like me!!! i was beautiful - SO beautiful, you would die if you saw pictures, i was sooo talented - won first place in MANY musical and language competitions.

i could have gone to Princeton .... instead i SHOT UP>>>>>>>>>>>>>

i hate myself

sorry sorry sorry sorry

i just feel so terrible

this seemed like the place to go

i'm soooo sorry if i'm wrong!!

thank you! thank you for this place!!! :ghug3

Anna

Hi Sugar,

I know, addiction robs us of everything.

Go to an ER and get help for yourself.

least

Yes please call 911 and get to the ER for immediate help. And (tho I find my own advice hard to follow) please don't beat up on yourself about past mistakes. It does no good and you don't need your own negativity. Please accept yourself as you are. Behavior can be changed. You are still the same person, deserving of love and support.

:ghug3:ghug3

SoBearish

Welcome Sugar - keep reaching out, there is help here for you.

Daddio

Hey Sugar. If I could rip out your pain, I would certainly do so. I'd throw it right to the curb and make you whole and beautiful all over again. But I can't. But you know that you need help. I agree with others here that you should get to an ER. Forget the money, forget the fallen freindships - Sugar needs help right now and that is all that is important. There is nothing but love and concern from everyone here and we are glad that you found us.

Please stay in close touch with us.

livlaphluv

I don't have any real advice, I just wanted you to know that a lot of people care for you here. I hope you will seek out the help you need. Please let us know how you are doing. God bless.

adore79

Welcome to SR. Good to you have you here.

SugarScars

I can't believe how nice you guys are. This is amazing. I'm sorry I posted in the midst of my detox. That was nasty of me to do that. I was doing okay ... setting up my profile, journalling in both my blog and my personal, hand-written journal, reflecting on everything I would be doing once I got off the *@#$%. I was soooo happy!! I couldn't wait to be clean. I couldn't wait to go to work tomorrow and not fiend for drugs. It was great!

Then: BAM!!! The most intense pain in my back and my legs hit me ... I thought I would die. Of course, you don't die, you just attack people and your dog ... even my poor little puppy ... I love her SO MUCH ... I chased her clear across the house. I accidentally bumped into my great aunt's vase and it shattered - I picked up a piece of the glass and did a number on my arms and legs. Another thing to hide now. Seems I have so many secrets, so much to cover up. The real me has to hide from people. I have to send out my representative if I want to talk to them.

I took my suboxone. I'm fine now - I don't even remember writing a single word of that ridiculous post. My apologies to each and every one of you for having wasted your time on my stupid drug addiction.

It's been an ongoing struggle for me. I have Borderline Personality Disorder - let me just get that out there - so, I have severe emotional mood swings. I've gone through various cycles to CONTROL MYSELF, because I am OUT OF CONTROL. The "best addiction" I ever had was severe anorexia - I'm pretty tall, 5' 7", & still managed to get myself down to 75 lbs. and counting. I was pretty proud of myself. I would sneak out of the house to run three miles a night on 400 calories a day. I WAS SO SICK. I STILL AM SO SICK. I HAVE SUBMITTED. I HAVE AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY/BORDERLINE PERSONALITY. I AM SICK.

I really did get into Princeton, and failed out because I never went to class. I used to be in beauty pageants, too, and now I sing in a punk band and any of those ladies would sneer and jeer and leer at me if I asked to compete now.

I kept up pretenses for so long - I seemed so together, so professional. Everyone thought I was just perfect: so articulate, so composed. Lady Poise, I was. Now, I'm falling apart. I'm starting to look like the trashy, messed-up junkie that I am.

Thank you for letting me vent. Thank you for listening, if you are in fact listening. And, oh, my god, thank you to any one of you who actually cares. It blows my mind that someone could actually care. Oh, my god. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

I went to a methadone/suboxone clinic (before I went to the good doctor who helps me now) and the receptionist treated me like a w$#@e. She was so evil to me: her tone curt, her eyes filled with disdain. I could tell that she despised me and my low-life junkie ways. I hated myself so much that day.

This new doctor, though, he looks me in the eyes, his eyes filled with understanding and compassion - even humor!!! I am so enamored of his professionalism. He is truly gifted. He doesn't think of me as pond scum. It made me cry, to see how kind he was towards me. Like you all are being.

I'll shut up now. Thank you - thank you - thank you - thank you for this place!!! I will keep posts of this kind to my blog from now on, I promise. I know that's probably why the blog's there, to keep us ramblers contained. HAHA I don't blame ya a bit!!

My heart is filled with gratitude and kind wishes for each of you!!!