really really need advise
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: newcastle upon tyne England
Posts: 13
really really need advise
hello all thankyou for taking the time to read, i hope you can help me.
i will try to keep this short.
i have a sister in law who is an alcoholic, about three years ago we visited her for a long weekend holiday, shes is a lovely person,. she had moved to Ireland near relatives, she was told before she went to Ireland by her doctor that she should not drink as her health was in danger, anyway while we were there she did a lot of drinking, breakfast till night basically, i was really really concerned ( i care and i was, am worried), her father had called me at her home and asked to speak with his daughter, i said she wasnt in and he demanded 2 know, i broke down crying and told him, (she was in the pub,) i felt i had to i was/am scared for her. (she has 4 children, oldest 18, youngest 11). she found out id spoken to her father and kicked me and my husband out of her home in a country i didnt know at 2 in the morning, she relented and let us back in, we stayed till very early next day and left and got a flight home. when i got home i text her to see if she was ok, i know its hard for her so i made the first move to talk, she was apologetic. anyway 2 years later she comes back home to england, shes living here now. she said she'd stopped the drink, anyway about a year ago, the kids tried to wake her in the morning as she hadnt getting up, they couldnt wake her, they phoned an ambulance, she had many many tests including brain activity tests ect at the hospital, she still didnt wake up. it was about 7 hours before she came round, (down to the drink). from there she was told that if she has another drink it could kill her.
i know shes still drinking, i only found out 2 weeks ago. she collapsed whilst shopping apparantly she has 4 times in a year, ive just found out. she was sent to hospital as her blood was so low and she needed a transfusion, i called round hers the other day, she was in bed, i said id make a cuppa, i was looking in the cupboards for cups and came across many many massive empty bottles of wine, i mean the biggest bottles you can find and when i was there a 'friend' came with another for her. apparantly no-one really knows she drinking, i dont think she ever stopped, im so worried, what do i do, i want to tell her parents, who will take her and the kids back home to her parents, there i think they will care for her. but shes also a grown woman who doesnt want to, i dont want her to fall out with me , as she will if i tell, but i dont want her to die either,.
can someone please tell me what i need to do.
i will try to keep this short.
i have a sister in law who is an alcoholic, about three years ago we visited her for a long weekend holiday, shes is a lovely person,. she had moved to Ireland near relatives, she was told before she went to Ireland by her doctor that she should not drink as her health was in danger, anyway while we were there she did a lot of drinking, breakfast till night basically, i was really really concerned ( i care and i was, am worried), her father had called me at her home and asked to speak with his daughter, i said she wasnt in and he demanded 2 know, i broke down crying and told him, (she was in the pub,) i felt i had to i was/am scared for her. (she has 4 children, oldest 18, youngest 11). she found out id spoken to her father and kicked me and my husband out of her home in a country i didnt know at 2 in the morning, she relented and let us back in, we stayed till very early next day and left and got a flight home. when i got home i text her to see if she was ok, i know its hard for her so i made the first move to talk, she was apologetic. anyway 2 years later she comes back home to england, shes living here now. she said she'd stopped the drink, anyway about a year ago, the kids tried to wake her in the morning as she hadnt getting up, they couldnt wake her, they phoned an ambulance, she had many many tests including brain activity tests ect at the hospital, she still didnt wake up. it was about 7 hours before she came round, (down to the drink). from there she was told that if she has another drink it could kill her.
i know shes still drinking, i only found out 2 weeks ago. she collapsed whilst shopping apparantly she has 4 times in a year, ive just found out. she was sent to hospital as her blood was so low and she needed a transfusion, i called round hers the other day, she was in bed, i said id make a cuppa, i was looking in the cupboards for cups and came across many many massive empty bottles of wine, i mean the biggest bottles you can find and when i was there a 'friend' came with another for her. apparantly no-one really knows she drinking, i dont think she ever stopped, im so worried, what do i do, i want to tell her parents, who will take her and the kids back home to her parents, there i think they will care for her. but shes also a grown woman who doesnt want to, i dont want her to fall out with me , as she will if i tell, but i dont want her to die either,.
can someone please tell me what i need to do.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 103
My RAH went into rehab Oct. 26.. He was caught using at work. I NEVER KNEW! I would have never have said my husband used drugs. But he was. I saw the signs and thought he was in depression. I am also a nurse!
My point is that those around her maybe not really "KNOW" for whatever reason. My husband's employer's confronted him. He had NO CHOICE! Addicts have to fall hard and suffer the consequences of their actions before they can save their life. All I can say after knowing what I know now. I would have confronted him and told him what my boundaries are. I do not live with addicts/alcoholics. The state can take my children from me also. She can lose her kids! Only she can help herself. If she wants help then she will seek it. If she doesn't then no amount of threats, begging, pleading,.... will do it. They have to want it. BUT thinking of the safety of those kids, I would confront her and let her tell her family/parents/spouse or I would. Those kids deserve better. It is an unsafe environment. Obviously, her family knows something is up or they would not have asked you to talk with her. I would tell them that they need to talk her. Don't soften the her fall!
Take what you want and leave the rest!
My point is that those around her maybe not really "KNOW" for whatever reason. My husband's employer's confronted him. He had NO CHOICE! Addicts have to fall hard and suffer the consequences of their actions before they can save their life. All I can say after knowing what I know now. I would have confronted him and told him what my boundaries are. I do not live with addicts/alcoholics. The state can take my children from me also. She can lose her kids! Only she can help herself. If she wants help then she will seek it. If she doesn't then no amount of threats, begging, pleading,.... will do it. They have to want it. BUT thinking of the safety of those kids, I would confront her and let her tell her family/parents/spouse or I would. Those kids deserve better. It is an unsafe environment. Obviously, her family knows something is up or they would not have asked you to talk with her. I would tell them that they need to talk her. Don't soften the her fall!
Take what you want and leave the rest!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Unfortunately there is really nothing you can do to help her. Any amount of help you offer will be turned away unless she wants to do something about it. It sounds like she is in end-stage alcoholism.
If everyone has told her that he drinking is killing her, then she is no doubt aware of it. I would not enable her in any way. It is clearly ripping your life apart, so the best you can do for yourself is decide what you are willing to accept from her. If she decides to drink herself to death there is nothing you can do about it.
I know it's hard to let go. I have my own issues sticking to my boundaries, but it will be easier to accept her choices if you take care of yourself.
If everyone has told her that he drinking is killing her, then she is no doubt aware of it. I would not enable her in any way. It is clearly ripping your life apart, so the best you can do for yourself is decide what you are willing to accept from her. If she decides to drink herself to death there is nothing you can do about it.
I know it's hard to let go. I have my own issues sticking to my boundaries, but it will be easier to accept her choices if you take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by jacki123 
hello all thankyou for taking the time to read, i hope you can help me.
i will try to keep this short.
i have a sister in law who is an alcoholic, about three years ago we visited her for a long weekend holiday, shes is a lovely person,. she had moved to Ireland near relatives, she was told before she went to Ireland by her doctor that she should not drink as her health was in danger, anyway while we were there she did a lot of drinking, breakfast till night basically, i was really really concerned ( i care and i was, am worried), her father had called me at her home and asked to speak with his daughter, i said she wasnt in and he demanded 2 know, i broke down crying and told him, (she was in the pub,) i felt i had to i was/am scared for her. (she has 4 children, oldest 18, youngest 11). she found out id spoken to her father and kicked me and my husband out of her home in a country i didnt know at 2 in the morning, she relented and let us back in, we stayed till very early next day and left and got a flight home. when i got home i text her to see if she was ok, i know its hard for her so i made the first move to talk, she was apologetic. anyway 2 years later she comes back home to england, shes living here now. she said she'd stopped the drink, anyway about a year ago, the kids tried to wake her in the morning as she hadnt getting up, they couldnt wake her, they phoned an ambulance, she had many many tests including brain activity tests ect at the hospital, she still didnt wake up. it was about 7 hours before she came round, (down to the drink). from there she was told that if she has another drink it could kill her.
i know shes still drinking, i only found out 2 weeks ago. she collapsed whilst shopping apparantly she has 4 times in a year, ive just found out. she was sent to hospital as her blood was so low and she needed a transfusion, i called round hers the other day, she was in bed, i said id make a cuppa, i was looking in the cupboards for cups and came across many many massive empty bottles of wine, i mean the biggest bottles you can find and when i was there a 'friend' came with another for her. apparantly no-one really knows she drinking, i dont think she ever stopped, im so worried, what do i do, i want to tell her parents, who will take her and the kids back home to her parents, there i think they will care for her. but shes also a grown woman who doesnt want to, i dont want her to fall out with me , as she will if i tell, but i dont want her to die either,.
can someone please tell me what i need to do.
i will try to keep this short.
i have a sister in law who is an alcoholic, about three years ago we visited her for a long weekend holiday, shes is a lovely person,. she had moved to Ireland near relatives, she was told before she went to Ireland by her doctor that she should not drink as her health was in danger, anyway while we were there she did a lot of drinking, breakfast till night basically, i was really really concerned ( i care and i was, am worried), her father had called me at her home and asked to speak with his daughter, i said she wasnt in and he demanded 2 know, i broke down crying and told him, (she was in the pub,) i felt i had to i was/am scared for her. (she has 4 children, oldest 18, youngest 11). she found out id spoken to her father and kicked me and my husband out of her home in a country i didnt know at 2 in the morning, she relented and let us back in, we stayed till very early next day and left and got a flight home. when i got home i text her to see if she was ok, i know its hard for her so i made the first move to talk, she was apologetic. anyway 2 years later she comes back home to england, shes living here now. she said she'd stopped the drink, anyway about a year ago, the kids tried to wake her in the morning as she hadnt getting up, they couldnt wake her, they phoned an ambulance, she had many many tests including brain activity tests ect at the hospital, she still didnt wake up. it was about 7 hours before she came round, (down to the drink). from there she was told that if she has another drink it could kill her.
i know shes still drinking, i only found out 2 weeks ago. she collapsed whilst shopping apparantly she has 4 times in a year, ive just found out. she was sent to hospital as her blood was so low and she needed a transfusion, i called round hers the other day, she was in bed, i said id make a cuppa, i was looking in the cupboards for cups and came across many many massive empty bottles of wine, i mean the biggest bottles you can find and when i was there a 'friend' came with another for her. apparantly no-one really knows she drinking, i dont think she ever stopped, im so worried, what do i do, i want to tell her parents, who will take her and the kids back home to her parents, there i think they will care for her. but shes also a grown woman who doesnt want to, i dont want her to fall out with me , as she will if i tell, but i dont want her to die either,.
can someone please tell me what i need to do.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Jackie: End stage alcoholism is exactly what it sounds like. If she is as bad off health-wise as you are saying, she will die unless she gets help. At this point, if there has been that much damage to her organs, it may be difficult to repair and may not be at all repairable. At this point, she seems to be living for a drink.
Read the stickies at the top of the forum. There should be information of the effects of alcohol on the body and will give you a better understanding of the disease.
Lots of prayers to you.
Read the stickies at the top of the forum. There should be information of the effects of alcohol on the body and will give you a better understanding of the disease.
Lots of prayers to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: newcastle upon tyne England
Posts: 13
the eldest has anger problems, he doesn't live at home, infact lived with me for 4 months until last week when he went to stay at grans house, (grandad just died). the others arnt at home during the week as they are at a catholic school near (sister in laws ) her mams house so they stay there till the weekend when they come back, ive been to her home and seen her children living in not a nice environment and really feel for those kids.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: newcastle upon tyne England
Posts: 13
i have however decided due to comments on here to confront her, remind her of what the doctor said, she is now terribly thin, she may hate me but at least i can say ive tried, as thats whats it about. im not a stranger to alcoholics, my own father now has brain damage due to alcoholic encephalitis. he is not the same man, although i ask him if he feels like he has always been (hes my dad i can ask him) he says he feels normal, sadly that is not the case, even his speech is slow, his kidneys work at 15% but apparently getting better, as you will know his liver is shot, i could go on all day, im so glad i found you all. thankyou for letting me share and thankyou for your advise.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
That is true but with one possible exception, an INTERVENTION. Interventions can be successful and get the addict on the road to recovery. An intervention "raises the bottom"
Originally Posted by NYC_Chick
Unfortunately there is really nothing you can do to help her. Any amount of help you offer will be turned away unless she wants to do something about it. It sounds like she is in end-stage alcoholism.
If everyone has told her that he drinking is killing her, then she is no doubt aware of it. I would not enable her in any way. It is clearly ripping your life apart, so the best you can do for yourself is decide what you are willing to accept from her. If she decides to drink herself to death there is nothing you can do about it.
I know it's hard to let go. I have my own issues sticking to my boundaries, but it will be easier to accept her choices if you take care of yourself.
If everyone has told her that he drinking is killing her, then she is no doubt aware of it. I would not enable her in any way. It is clearly ripping your life apart, so the best you can do for yourself is decide what you are willing to accept from her. If she decides to drink herself to death there is nothing you can do about it.
I know it's hard to let go. I have my own issues sticking to my boundaries, but it will be easier to accept her choices if you take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR Jacki. It is so difficult to watch a person self destruct. You sound like a very caring person. There are a lot of people who have dealth with advanced alcoholism and can give you some insight. There are several good books on alcoholism....one that comes to mind is "Under the Influence" by Milam & somebody else (can't think of the other author off the top of my head. It explains the myths and realities of alcoholism.
I hope that your SIL seeks help before it's too late.
gentle hugs
I hope that your SIL seeks help before it's too late.
gentle hugs
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