frankly

Lots going on, two babies and not enough grandma to go around. LOL Seems like as soon as I put one down, another gets handed to me.

Some good news, and some bad. The good news, (I think, haven't decided yet) is we may have a daddy. Some of you remember Vicky's night from hell. She doesn't remember anything about it, but there is a young man who does. He took advantage of a passed out girl. DNA will determine if he is the father. He is a pill addict. Yes, I've met him. Torn between wanting to scratch his eyes out and hoping and praying that maybe he could one day be a good dad. Trusting that HP knows what he is doing.

The bad news, Vicky is going through hell over all of it again. Having to deal with someone that she doesn't even know. Knowing, what he did, but not knowing everything. In my book, it was rape, in her book, she felt like she deserved what she got, her consequences for her own actions. She has tumbled into a post-pardom depression that scares me. She can't sleep, she doesn't want to eat and she can't take care of the baby. I want leave her alone with Jordan, not until she sees the doctor and gets some help with all of this. That is my boundery here. And as all you good codies know, when we set our minds to something you have to pry our fingers off it. (-:
I know it's not my street to sweep, but when it involves an innocent child, my nose will be stuck where ever I have to stick it to protect that child.

The good news, a very wonderful, beautiful angel sent me, Vicky and Nakia some inspirational words, gifts and butterflies and lifted all of our spirits. ((Hugs))

The bad news, I just don't seem to have enough hours in the day any more, I come on here and read but just haven't had the energy to respond to posts.

The good news, I'm OK, and even with everything that is going on, I'm blessed, tired, but peaceful. Just watching things unfold. Everything just fades away with one little tiny smile (or two).

Love you all
B

Ann

(((Frankly)))

I think that YOU are the angel here, and these people are all blessed to have you in their lives.

Your daughter may be going through a Post Traumatic Stress issue, as well as post-partum. She may have blocked out what happened or may have been passed out...but either way, it is now in front of her to face and deal with.

I'm glad you are encouraging her to get help with this, it's something any of us would need help with to cope.

Special hugs for a special lady

And a couple for those beautiful babies

frankly

You are probably right Ann. As much as I understand it, and as much as I think I know, I can't help her, she needs a professional and I know it. It may have been wrong of me to do, but I stopped babying her about it and laid down the law, she goes and gets help. It doesn't just affect her any more. It may backfire on me, she may distance herself further from Jordan, but so far she says she will set up an appointment on Monday.

marle

Sending prayers for your daughter. I think that in this case it is okay to have your fingers all over it. She needs some guidance and that precious baby needs a grandmother. Sending prayers for you too, frankly, that you will get the rest that you need too. Hugs, Marle

Impurrfect

(((Frankly)))

I don't think there is anything codie about getting your daughter to get help, and taking care of the baby until she does. Or if it IS codie, I'm sure that Ann has a passage in the codie book that says it's okay

Hope you get some rest.

Hugs and prayers (extra ones for the babies!)

Amy

bookmiser

((((((((Frankly))))))))

Sending love, prayers, hope, and faith that all will work out
as it should. Until then, try to find a couple of minutes in your
day to just take care of you and your own needs.
I understand wanting to help out with the baby and pressing
Vicky to see a therapist, but if it's gonna cost you your sanity
and serenity, ya might need to infiltrate a back up plan.
Ie: nieces, nephews, neighbors, friends. All these people can
help with small minor details that are being neglected, so that
you may find a quiet space for prayer, meditation, reflecting,
or even piggin' out. lol
Let someone else take out the trash, fill/empty the dishwasher,
run to the store. You need love and care as well as the next guy.
What a great grandma you are. Dang-it, I may never be a grandma.
Jay with his egf. My daughter with her own gf.
I guess it's just God's plan that I remain grandbabyless.
If I lived nearby, I'd babysit for ya. Guaranteed fun, too.
Love ya, Frankly. Take care.

Linda

Hangin' In

Frankly,

You're such a sweet grandmama and I admire you for helping the way that you are. And I'm so thankful that you have recovery under your belt where you can experience peace in the midst of this storm.

Will keep all of you, especially your daughter, in my prayers, asking for some peace for her, too.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

Chino

That's just so sad what she's dealing with. Lots of prayers for your daughter's recovery and serenity for all of you.

JoeJ

That boy is a pill addict like you said, and they were both in a situation where no one was in their right mind. What he did was terrible, but he seems to want to step up. He came forward, when he could have sunk into anonymity and said "its not my problem".

I'm no mother, so I can't imagine what it's like to see your daughter go through this. I was just impressed to hear he took responsibility at the risk of prison, and I hope you and your daughter can keep that in mind when it comes time to decide if you can forgive him.

Good luck

-Joe

peaceteach

Frankly,

I am admiring your recovery today with this post. I also hope (as mentioned above) that you are carving out a little "Frankly Time" each day! Something even the most seasoned recovering codies forget at times like this, to take care of ourselves My prayers for your family, sweetie.

mooselips

(((Frankly)))
You're such a good grandmama, you enjoy every second you can with those babies, but don't forget to take care of YOU, too.


I kind of agree with JoeJ, but don't know the exact circumstances, it was a gutsy thing he did to admit a crime, actually, but none the less, take responsibilty.

Hugs to you and your daughter, and the babes...

frankly

The boy didn't just decide to come forward, he denied it until Jordan was born and realized he would be asked for a DNA. Claims it was consentual. Since Vicky can't remember, the only person who knows what really happened was him. It would be impossible to prosecute.

On the other hand, I will give him some credit. I spoke to the kid at length, (I know, I know, codie red flags). Now how I got to speak to him is a funny story, he wanted to see the baby, so I told him he could, but that I needed help real quick to get some drinks at the store, if he would go with me and carry the 12 packs for me, it would give Vicky a chance to get ready to meet with him. He readily wanted to help. Got in my Jeep, I buckled up and just sat there waiting. The kid is shaking. I look over at him and tell him to buckle up, told him I don't drive anywhere without everyone buckled up. As soon as he clicked it, I pulled away from the curb and said "besides, you will be happy you are bucked up because we are about to go on one wild and crazy ride!" It was mean of me, I know. But the fear in his eyes, the hand reaching for the door, well, it did my heart good. But I put him at ease, I told him I was just kidding and besides, if I really intended that, then I never would have had him buckle up. I think he's afraid of me now, but I had his full attention for the rest of the trip.

He admitted to me that he has a pill problem, said he was going on suboxine or something to try to get off of them. I asked if he was in a program, if he was attending any meetings. No. This problem, that problem, no money blah blah blah. I listened. He said he wants to be a father. He wants to be a good father like his dad was for him. Told me his mom and dad had been the very best parents that anyone could ever ask for, he didn't know why he had turned down the drug path. Said he wanted to turn his life around, that he had done some horrible things in the past, and never wanted to be that person again. I listened. Said he was going to do this and that, get a job, provide for his daugher, so forth and so on, and I listened until he was done. Then I very calmly told him, it's all just words. I said, I hear your words, but they really don't mean anything to me, the only thing that means something, is your actions from this day forward. Show me, don't tell me. I told him, that he has a chance, he has been given the biggest second chance of his life, it's up to him what he does with it. Weather or not he heard a word I said, time will tell.

He's a 19 year old kid. I don't know what happened that night, I just know the end result. I don't know what happened before he was with Vicky or after, maybe it's better that I never know, it's easier that way. Will I give him a chance? Yes, I will. Four years ago, I probably would have taken him out the moment I met him, and yes those old feelings surfaced for an instant when I met him, but my recovery has changed me. You better believe though that I will be watching like a hawk. This little girl is going to have every chance at life that I can possibly give her.

B

Lobo

((((((Frankly)))))

Boy, you sure have a full plate gramma. I know you are having fun with those babies though. In today's world they have so much help for post-partum. Years ago when I had babies it wasn't even heard of. I think if you got depressed after childbirth they put you in a rubber room. Things are better now, I'm sure Vicky will get the proper care and be feeling better real soon. I'm glad you are there to help her. I can understand her, she has been through a lot. I think her getting to know Jordon's father will really help her situation a lot.

So is gramma Frankly taking care of herself? A nice bubble bath, some pretty candles and a glass of your favorite wine, or apple juice. lol
Take care of you, hon.

Love ya................Lois

frankly

Can't stand wine or apple juice Lobo, but I've been sucking down the coffee like it's going out of style. LOL

Thank all of you for reminding me to take care of myself. I have been neglecting that and didn't really realize it. I guess I'm in control mode. Funny how that just sneaks up on you. Stepping into old habits is like swimming, you just do it without thinking.

Hugs
B

mooselips

Thanks Frankly for filling in the spots of the story I missed somewhere along the line.

Glad you have your grandbabies best interests at heart, that's a good quality, along with your recovery, and big heart....


Hugs to you,

CatsPajamas

hugs to all. it will be interesting to watch this all unfold. I hope your daughter is able to get help for her issues - those are big things to be dealing with, and post partum can be really hard. I hope this young man is able to step up and make the changes and be a good father to his baby, if it's his.

Hugs
cats

historyteach

(((Frankly))))

((((New mom and baby))))

This jumped right out at me, when I read it:
Ain't it the truth, though!
It still happens to me all the time! The only difference is that I *catch* it quicker.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all as you unravel this whole mess. :praying
But, I sure think that the boundary with your daughter -- getting help -- is a great one.

And, fwiw, in RI, taking advantage of a woman, unable to give consent due to alcohol or drugs *is* rape. And it's very possible to charge them and convict them of it. I cannot speak for your state, however. And, given your daughter's state of mind, though, this may or may not be a good thing to bring up.

Shalom!

greeteachday

You know you all are in my thoughts and prayers, dear friend. I hope that some good comes of this young man coming forward. I hope Vicky made her appointment. She is sick, but unfortuantely only she can take that first step to get some help. I think you did the right thing by pushing the issue a bit. Hugs to all of you and gentle kisses to the sweet angels.

splendra

Hey (((((frankly))))

I say this with love:

I troubles me that your daughter feels she got what she deserved...I hope she will learn that she did not deserve it. I think a healthy response on your daughters part would be to feel mad as hell about it.

I hope he learns what consent is as well. He took something from her and I hope that doesn't get too smoothed over too soon.

I don't think I could let him come around me or visit the baby if I was your daughter. I wonder if it is good for your daughter to be around him? Of course I am not a therapist.

I think I would become very depressed if I had to let someone parent my child who did that to me.

rahsue

[QUOTE=frankly;
The bad news, I just don't seem to have enough hours in the day any more, I come on here and read but just haven't had the energy to respond to posts.
B[/QUOTE]


well if thats all the bad news you've got, you got it goin on sister!!!!
it's a nice tired isn't it when its a grandbaby? I can be grouchy as heck but my grandsons (3 of them) can always lift me up.