BrokenWife

Hello I am back after being away for awhile. Unfortunately my AH has gone back to the dark side again. We just celebrated 6 years together and 1 year of marriage. He was doing so well for awhile and is now back to drinking 12-18 beers a day. Only now he was prescribed Klonopin for anxiety and is taking 2 of those a day on top. I have gone back to threatening him with leaving, only I am scared of where to go. Do I ask my parents to move back in? I also have animals that I would have to take. Has anyone moved out and seen a change? I am just curious of where you went, for how long, and if it worked?
Thanks!

sailorjohn

Not in my admittedly limited experience. Thing is, can you take care of yourself? Not the physical stuff, the most important thing, your self.

NEVEREnds

((Broken))

I recently kicked my AH out after 11 years of marriage ... I haven't seen or spoken to him much in the short 2 weeks he is gone, but I can say this... I do get lonely and miss him, but I can feel a CHANGE IN ME!!!!!!!!! I don't know if he has changed or if he ever will, but I am changing ME for the better ... I love my husband but unfortunately he loves other things more and I don't want to be second or third for the rest of my life ... I am able to care for myself financially (THANK GOD) I am just working on the other things of him being gone ... I feel for the sake of your own well being, try to break free and don't do it for the chance that he MAY change ... Some do, some don't

Prayers and hugs and tons of strength in your decision.

lightseeker

I've been in an apartment for two weeks and I can feel a change in me. That is what I am focusing on and allowing the space to do whatever it needs to do. RAH has almost 3 years of sobriety but his emotional sobriety went kaput (and took mine with it). He went postal in front of my children and I packed up and left. I have a month to month lease and am here through at least Aug 31st. I'm not in the "right place" to make any long term decisions right now so I've positioned myself in a holding pattern. RAH now has an appointment with a pyschiatrist specializing in addiction and dual diagnosis. As I step back, I'm really beginning to suspect that RAH is bipolar. His ex-wife told me that they suspected it during their marriage but because he was in active addiction they were unable to really make a diagnosis. I'm waiting to see how that goes. Also, he signed up for the county's year long anger management program. He had to jump through some hoops to do that so - for now, I'm seeing some action. Not enough for me to change my situation but enough not to slam a door on it either.

I am feeling a whole lot more peaceful. I've had some pretty rough moments but overall it's been a good thing. One of the things that has helped me the most is to focus on me and what I am doing, what I want, and what is important to me. That has made it a whole lot better than really watching what he is doing. I truly trust my HP to show me the way. By working the steps and being in recovery I've been learning how to stay in the moment and address my character defects (the main ones being poor boundaries, denial, poor self care).

I've been threatening for a long time that if things didn't change that I would move - the straw finally broke the camel's back and so I did it.

My advice is to really check your motives as you seek the solution. Having a sponsor or a friend in recovery would be a helpful sounding board. If you are moving out to invoke change in him it's probably setting yourself up for a premeditated resentment. If you move out because it's what you need to do to take care of yourself then you probably have a chance at it being a positive thing for you.

Thinking about you and sending prayers as you seek the answers.....

hope4always

Do you mean seen a change in the addicted partner? I’d have to say, if you are going to something, like move out, with the hopes he’ll change isn’t really any different than saying to him “If you use again, I’ll leave”, and then you don’t leave.

Once you have decided what your boundaries are – and you have become protective of your boundaries – the last thing on your mind will be “will he change if I do X,Y or Z?” You’ll be too busy taking a stand and protecting your boundaries.

If you are going to set consequences for his violating your boundaries, then set consequences you will be sure to defend. Otherwise, they just become “empty threats”.