New Around Here :)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Ocean City NJ
Posts: 14
New Around Here :)
ahh i didnt know where to post this but this place is perfect :]
my name is maggie and i'm new to this site.
i'm 17 years old, and i'll be 18 on June 18th.
i want people to hear me out, becuz i was hoping to find some help here or possibly help other.
from day one i'v seen the effects of drinking and drug addiction.my father had been in and out of 17 rehabs through out my life.i'v seen the worst of the worst right in front of my face at age 7.my mom also started abusing drugs although it took 15 years of her being with my father,he finally broke her.he abused my mother and i for as long as i can remember.sadly he passed away in 2004 from drinking.my mother and i were there for the last 2 months,he was very sick.my mother decided to change her life and has been clean ever since.i always told myself i woudlnt ever put myself in or around a situation like that but just last summer i met the guy of my dreams.everything was perfect down to every last detail.about 8 months into it i found out my new boyfriend had a problem with cocain.i'v been with him through so much.i started taking pills shortly after i found out about justins(myboyfriend) problem, but not becuz of him.it was my own choice.since then i'v stopped. i want to stay with justin and help him through this becuz i can clearly see he hasnt dug his hole too deep.i wasnt to be there for him becuz the last thing an addict needs is to feel like he's alone.i'm afraid that he might bring me down with him at some point though.he has a hard time listening to me and understanding that what he's doing is going to ruin his life.he was brought up in a perfect family and hasnt seen the effects of drugs and drinking like i have.he always just tells me i'm dwelling on my past.i hope that ebing on this site will help me through this and if you have any advice i'd really like to hear it.
my name is maggie and i'm new to this site.
i'm 17 years old, and i'll be 18 on June 18th.
i want people to hear me out, becuz i was hoping to find some help here or possibly help other.
from day one i'v seen the effects of drinking and drug addiction.my father had been in and out of 17 rehabs through out my life.i'v seen the worst of the worst right in front of my face at age 7.my mom also started abusing drugs although it took 15 years of her being with my father,he finally broke her.he abused my mother and i for as long as i can remember.sadly he passed away in 2004 from drinking.my mother and i were there for the last 2 months,he was very sick.my mother decided to change her life and has been clean ever since.i always told myself i woudlnt ever put myself in or around a situation like that but just last summer i met the guy of my dreams.everything was perfect down to every last detail.about 8 months into it i found out my new boyfriend had a problem with cocain.i'v been with him through so much.i started taking pills shortly after i found out about justins(myboyfriend) problem, but not becuz of him.it was my own choice.since then i'v stopped. i want to stay with justin and help him through this becuz i can clearly see he hasnt dug his hole too deep.i wasnt to be there for him becuz the last thing an addict needs is to feel like he's alone.i'm afraid that he might bring me down with him at some point though.he has a hard time listening to me and understanding that what he's doing is going to ruin his life.he was brought up in a perfect family and hasnt seen the effects of drugs and drinking like i have.he always just tells me i'm dwelling on my past.i hope that ebing on this site will help me through this and if you have any advice i'd really like to hear it.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Hello Maggie
Welcome to SR.
Sorry to read about all you have been through but I also see you have a place that will give you the answers you need for Justin in those things.
Did your mom staying around help your dad stop?
Did anything you said or could have said have your dad stop?
Along with seeing the dangers first hand when our parents are alcoholic or addicts, we also see and learn many wrong ways of doing things... One of them being how and why we pick the people we pick to date or marry.
Our thinking gets messed up but we don't see it till much later how messed up our thinking (picking choices) is off line.
As for Justin...
You can't change him.
You can't stop him.
You didn't cause him to use but if he continues and you stay around...You will be blamed for it in some manner by him. (it is what addicts and alcoholics tend to do) Not my fault (denial) so it must be your fault.
I know when I was 17, no one could tell me anything. You must be a very smart young lady because you are seeking answers rather then doing things as I did. I thought I knew it all and tried doing things with what I knew rather then get the correct answers.
Many will come along and read your post. Many will leave answers from their own experiences. Check back often and you will find all kinds of support and info being shared for you.
Again...Welcome to SR.
You may want to read the posts at the top of the forums that say "sticky" beside them. The sticky posts have a lot of good info in them.
Welcome to SR.
Sorry to read about all you have been through but I also see you have a place that will give you the answers you need for Justin in those things.
Did your mom staying around help your dad stop?
Did anything you said or could have said have your dad stop?
Along with seeing the dangers first hand when our parents are alcoholic or addicts, we also see and learn many wrong ways of doing things... One of them being how and why we pick the people we pick to date or marry.
Our thinking gets messed up but we don't see it till much later how messed up our thinking (picking choices) is off line.
As for Justin...
You can't change him.
You can't stop him.
You didn't cause him to use but if he continues and you stay around...You will be blamed for it in some manner by him. (it is what addicts and alcoholics tend to do) Not my fault (denial) so it must be your fault.
I know when I was 17, no one could tell me anything. You must be a very smart young lady because you are seeking answers rather then doing things as I did. I thought I knew it all and tried doing things with what I knew rather then get the correct answers.
Many will come along and read your post. Many will leave answers from their own experiences. Check back often and you will find all kinds of support and info being shared for you.
Again...Welcome to SR.
You may want to read the posts at the top of the forums that say "sticky" beside them. The sticky posts have a lot of good info in them.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R. i am glad you are smart enough to come here for answers. i understand you are still young & think this is the guy of your dreams. how can he be the guy of your dreams? do you want a guy that is an addict or a drunk? i don't think so. there are so many guys out there that will treat you like a princess. you have been thru alot in your 17yrs. you deserve so much better than that. you can not help justine. i am sorry he has chosen that road but you can not make him change his way.i suggest to you to let him go.he will always have this problem. do not let history repeat its self, do not let him drag you down. find a naranon meeting & go.find new friends that want something out of life. take care of you & keep coming back here. we care & are here for you.sending up prayers for you & justine.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Welcome MaggieMay (love the Rod Stewart song)
Sorry you have seen so much in your young life. However, knowing what drugs can do to people and families, you probably know exactly what you need to do. You can be a friend and encourage help, but IMO, to become involved w/ a drug addict would be to continue your life that you have always known. Someone has to bread the cycle. Maybe you?
Keep posting and reading, lots of good people here.
susan
Sorry you have seen so much in your young life. However, knowing what drugs can do to people and families, you probably know exactly what you need to do. You can be a friend and encourage help, but IMO, to become involved w/ a drug addict would be to continue your life that you have always known. Someone has to bread the cycle. Maybe you?
Keep posting and reading, lots of good people here.
susan
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hi Maggie,
I'm glad you're here.
My oldest son is a cocaine addict, he is 34 years old, and started using drugs from the age of 15. He has been in prison 3 times already, and has a court date for next month, and he will be facing 2 to 10 years. He has been in and out of rehabs through the years, and still relapses. His time to quit hasn't come yet, I guess. I feel terrible for every young girl he hooks up with, but he always has a GF because he is a master manipulator.
His current Gf is only 18 years old. I will be happy for her, when he goes to prison, because hopefully, she will choose to move on with her life.
I realize this post of mine doesn't sound too positive..it's the truth.
Unfortunately, you can't fix Justin, you can only work on you...
Hugs, and keep posting, okay?
I'm glad you're here.
My oldest son is a cocaine addict, he is 34 years old, and started using drugs from the age of 15. He has been in prison 3 times already, and has a court date for next month, and he will be facing 2 to 10 years. He has been in and out of rehabs through the years, and still relapses. His time to quit hasn't come yet, I guess. I feel terrible for every young girl he hooks up with, but he always has a GF because he is a master manipulator.
His current Gf is only 18 years old. I will be happy for her, when he goes to prison, because hopefully, she will choose to move on with her life.
I realize this post of mine doesn't sound too positive..it's the truth.
Unfortunately, you can't fix Justin, you can only work on you...
Hugs, and keep posting, okay?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Ocean City NJ
Posts: 14
everything you guys said is amazing and it means a lot to me.i'm so thankful that i can come here when i need some one the most.i dont think i can drop justin right off of the bat.like i said justin has a problem and i seem to be the only one left. i tried leaving once before and it just wasnt in the cards.although he isnt doing right with himself the last thing i want is for him to kill himself.he wasnt always like this so i guess im stuck on what he used to be.
as for my father there wasnt anything anyone could tell him to make him change he lived that way for wayyy too long that's another reason i want to be there for justinn becuz i dont want him to get in too deep.i'm so scared for him and i wish i could help him understand.
as for my father there wasnt anything anyone could tell him to make him change he lived that way for wayyy too long that's another reason i want to be there for justinn becuz i dont want him to get in too deep.i'm so scared for him and i wish i could help him understand.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: SC
Posts: 1,027
Originally Posted by MaggieMay18 
as for my father there wasnt anything anyone could tell him to make him change he lived that way for wayyy too long that's another reason i want to be there for justinn becuz i dont want him to get in too deep.i'm so scared for him and i wish i could help him understand.
You already know you can't control it. I assume that you already know he's more than likely lying to you anyway about how much he uses.
He's got to get it himself and sometimes it takes losing what you care about to get it. It hurts us too, I know.
You don't want to be 2 years down the road and not going to college or succeeding at life because you are afraid he's going to hurt himself or get "too deep" into drugs. Don't think, we'll I'll just stay for 6 more months and if he doesn't straighten up, I'll leave. That won't happen, the longer you stay, the more you love and the more enmeshed in his life you become.
You are 17 years old, imagine if your best friend was going through this (or do you still have any friends, cause addicts like to isolate us from the outside world) and was saying the things you are. With your experience with your father, what would you say to her?
I didn't think anyone knew what the heck they were talking about because they weren't in MY situation when they tried to talk to me about things but they saw MY situation more clearly than I did because they weren't so emotionally involved.
Think about it. ((((((((Maggie))))))))
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
Originally Posted by MaggieMay18
everything you guys said is amazing and it means a lot to me.i'm so thankful that i can come here when i need some one the most.i dont think i can drop justin right off of the bat.like i said justin has a problem and i seem to be the only one left. i tried leaving once before and it just wasnt in the cards.although he isnt doing right with himself the last thing i want is for him to kill himself.he wasnt always like this so i guess im stuck on what he used to be.
as for my father there wasnt anything anyone could tell him to make him change he lived that way for wayyy too long that's another reason i want to be there for justinn becuz i dont want him to get in too deep.i'm so scared for him and i wish i could help him understand.
as for my father there wasnt anything anyone could tell him to make him change he lived that way for wayyy too long that's another reason i want to be there for justinn becuz i dont want him to get in too deep.i'm so scared for him and i wish i could help him understand.
Welcome Maggie,
something you said here jumped out at me, you tried to leave once but it wasn't on the cards, then in the next sentence you say the last thing you want is for him to kill himself. Are the two linked? because if they are he needs proffessional help, and you need to help yourself realise that nothing you do will change what he wants to do or what he will do anyway, with or without you around. You also said you seem to be the only one left (for Justin) do you think there might be a reason for that?
You're so young, you have a whole life ahead of you, grab it with both hands and live it for you, the way you want to.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hi Maggie,
My son is an addict in recovery. When he began to feel the sting or natural effects of his behavior he finally became motivated to change. Even with a situation like my son was in many do NOT seek help.
My son was nearly homeless before he was arrested. He had, during his 10+ years of drug use- attended meetings, worked the steps and successfully completed a 6 month program at a recovery halfway house...two times. He was on staff there for awhile too.
I was headed down my own destructive path by my own choices and lack of awareness. More than once I put myself in harms way while trying to help my son.
What helped me was counseling, learning about addiction & attending some open AA and NA meetings. I am a member of Alanon. I learn from others who have what I want, others with the experience to back up what they say.
The last time my son was arrested, he faced felony charges if he didn't commit to a year long military style program in jail and aftercare housing for four months. At that point he decided to stay clean.
That was over two years ago and he just got married to a very wonderful young lady this past weekend. He still has a long way to go to pick up the pieces of his life.
I'm really proud of you for coming here for support.
We are all here for you, you aren't alone.
My son is an addict in recovery. When he began to feel the sting or natural effects of his behavior he finally became motivated to change. Even with a situation like my son was in many do NOT seek help.
My son was nearly homeless before he was arrested. He had, during his 10+ years of drug use- attended meetings, worked the steps and successfully completed a 6 month program at a recovery halfway house...two times. He was on staff there for awhile too.
I was headed down my own destructive path by my own choices and lack of awareness. More than once I put myself in harms way while trying to help my son.
What helped me was counseling, learning about addiction & attending some open AA and NA meetings. I am a member of Alanon. I learn from others who have what I want, others with the experience to back up what they say.
The last time my son was arrested, he faced felony charges if he didn't commit to a year long military style program in jail and aftercare housing for four months. At that point he decided to stay clean.
That was over two years ago and he just got married to a very wonderful young lady this past weekend. He still has a long way to go to pick up the pieces of his life.
I'm really proud of you for coming here for support.
We are all here for you, you aren't alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Ocean City NJ
Posts: 14
thank you guys
and i understand 100% what you're saying.i lost hope for him and i and yes i tried leaving once.a few weeks after i left i got a phone call at 3 am and justin was asking for help.he told me everything.i grew up going to meetings and being around people in his situation my entire life and i know that the first step is admitting you have a problem.this was a huge step for him.he didnt grow up in a family who did drugs or was into drinking so he cant go to them.just recently he has been doing better. i know i'm not going to be the one to make him stop,only he can do that.i can be the shoulder to lean on though.no one wants to be alone when they struggle.i saw both sides of addiction, i watched my father die from it and my mother recover.my mother has so many people standing behind her when she got better and i know that's what justin needs.i dont let him bring me down i still have all my friends and i told him that he doesnt ever have to hide anything from me and after that the lies stopped.i already do love him more then anything in the world and i want to help as much as possible.i have educated him so much already.thank you guys so much for replying it has helped so much.
and i understand 100% what you're saying.i lost hope for him and i and yes i tried leaving once.a few weeks after i left i got a phone call at 3 am and justin was asking for help.he told me everything.i grew up going to meetings and being around people in his situation my entire life and i know that the first step is admitting you have a problem.this was a huge step for him.he didnt grow up in a family who did drugs or was into drinking so he cant go to them.just recently he has been doing better. i know i'm not going to be the one to make him stop,only he can do that.i can be the shoulder to lean on though.no one wants to be alone when they struggle.i saw both sides of addiction, i watched my father die from it and my mother recover.my mother has so many people standing behind her when she got better and i know that's what justin needs.i dont let him bring me down i still have all my friends and i told him that he doesnt ever have to hide anything from me and after that the lies stopped.i already do love him more then anything in the world and i want to help as much as possible.i have educated him so much already.thank you guys so much for replying it has helped so much.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Ocean City NJ
Posts: 14
oh thank you so much
my mom and i were just hvaing a conversation about him while i was helping her garden.she helped me understand a lot of things like she does for everything in my life.she told me that maybe i have to take a few steps back and let him fix things on his own, that doesnt mean that i remove him from my life completely.i understand what you're saying also and thank you so much for your support:]
i said in an earlier post that what has happend to me and what i'v seen in my short 18 years of life has onyl made me stronger and see things so much more clear.i love my life and i would be so much different if i didnt see the things that i have in life.it sucks that i had to watch my dad pass and suffer my whole life is kind of a sucky way to make myself stronger but i thank him everyday for it i know he's watching over me
my mom and i were just hvaing a conversation about him while i was helping her garden.she helped me understand a lot of things like she does for everything in my life.she told me that maybe i have to take a few steps back and let him fix things on his own, that doesnt mean that i remove him from my life completely.i understand what you're saying also and thank you so much for your support:]
i said in an earlier post that what has happend to me and what i'v seen in my short 18 years of life has onyl made me stronger and see things so much more clear.i love my life and i would be so much different if i didnt see the things that i have in life.it sucks that i had to watch my dad pass and suffer my whole life is kind of a sucky way to make myself stronger but i thank him everyday for it i know he's watching over me
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
