LHampton

I want my marriage to work out so bad. My AH keeps telling me that he won't drink as much. I want so badly to believe him for the sake of our unborn child but I'm so scared at the same time. My family said that I shouldn't go back his family believes that we should work it out. He claims he wants to and so do I but I'm scared that he will just break all his promises.
I guess I just don't know what to do. It is driving me crazy because I want my marriage to work but then what are the chances of it actually working. I just wish I knew what to do.
Sorry. I just had to vent a little.

sailorjohn

Vent away, that's what the forum is for. A lot of us are painfully familiar with the kind of situation you're in.

i4getsm

Hey Hampton. I would suggest a counselor who specializes in alcohol addiction. At a minimum you should seek a family counselor. Trust me when I say bringing a baby into a rocky marriage can bring out both the best and the worst in people. He may have a change of heart and stop because he wants to do better for his child or like my STBXAH, he may fall into the bottle because having to care for another person is so overwhelming. I wish now that we had done more counseling (and found a therapist with an alcohol addiction background) before our twins arrived. As much as I love them, the strain of caring for them in the beginning was awful and AH used it as an excuse to drink more and stay away from home.

Continue to read here and seek counseling.

best

Promises of cutting down on drinking only work for a short period.
Alcohol drinking is progressive in nature.
The only way a marriage can work is if 100% is given. If one only gives 1% the other still needs give 100%.
A perfect marriage would need both giving 100% not a 50/50.

Promises are not actions. Promises do not add to the 100%.

His actions are the only proof you can trust. His actions over time.
I could cut down for short periods of time but ask me to do so for life...No way could I do that.

Take care of yourself and your baby and let him deal with his issues.
When he starts to see the need for change...he may learn that cutting back doesn't work like he thought it would. At that point... how ever long it takes him...he may find that not drinking at all is the best way to do things.

abcdefg

alcoholism hurts like hell.

i hope you can keep posting. it does help. you're not alone.

LHampton

Thanks everyone. I guess I just feel so caught in the middle. I'm afraid to be disappointed but then I'm afraid if I don't give it a try then will regret it later. But if I try I'm afraid of losin my family in the process because they are so against it. I guess I am so confused I don't know what to do and it is driving me crazy.

Barbara52

Try not to let yourself feel like you have to please all these other people. You are only responsible for yourself, not the rest of your family or your AH. Make decisions based on what you think is right for you and your child.

Serenity8

Lhampton, I have spent many a day/week/month/year on that very same thought cycle. When I started going to al-anon, I learned how to just live for today. I didn't have to make those decisions today. The saying is "One Day at a Time" and it has literally saved my sanity. I still feel like my life is in limbo sometimes, but that is ok, I just pray for serenity and remind myself to take it one day at a time...