major triggers today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 157
major triggers today
urgh just really need to vent on here as im feeling about ready to explode.Yesterday was doing good, feeling better and like i was getting somewhere- today i get up really early and take the kids o n a train ride to visit my parents- always a tough one, my mum is a big drinker and really misses her *drinking buddy*, she also refuses to accept that i have a problem with alcohol- possibly because a) she has one herself, and b) my older brother is an active advanced alcoholic with mental health issues- so i think she looks at me as if ive lost my mind when i say i cant drink these days......
So i get there and immediately she suggests getting the wine out , its like about 11 am ...... i refuse , repetedly, and eventually my dad steps in and produces fizzy water and we get through lunch....1pm, she suggests the pub- i get a bit mad with her and she lets it go,
Rest of the afternoon passes without any problems but i just felt generelly agitated and like i didnt want to stay long.
So now im back home- and my husband, well he HATES my family, theyve been fueding for years, i like to compare them to kids in a school playground..... he generelly decides to give me the full silent treatment when ive dared to venture up there- usually i would have got myself pretty drunken with my mum- telling myself i "needed it" to face his attitude when i get home.
Instead im here sober and just feeling so goddamn EVIL (thats the only way i can describe my mood
) thinking how ******* DARE he be like this- and how the hell to deal with him when im so used to getting drunk and locking myself away upstairs :S..... No alcohol in the house though- i made sure of that before i left as i KNEW it was going to be hard,Thanks for letting me vent, i hope i feel a bit calmer soon.:praying
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I have similar problems just getting along with the girls' dad. I just have to forgive him for being an ass and try not to 'engage' him. He likes to scream and accuse and I'm having none of that.
It will get better. Sorry hubby is so unhelpful right now. Will he come around later on and be Mr Nice Guy?
:ghug3
It will get better. Sorry hubby is so unhelpful right now. Will he come around later on and be Mr Nice Guy?
:ghug3
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 157
i dont have 3 kids- i have 4, and the 4th one is the moodiest most stroppy S.O.B youll ever meet. (hubby)
No doubt he'll come round when he wants something- as children do
I guess if i was drinking over this id be just as horrible, if not WORSE to him, GOT TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF THAT!!!
No doubt he'll come round when he wants something- as children do
I guess if i was drinking over this id be just as horrible, if not WORSE to him, GOT TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF THAT!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi Supernothing,
One of the changes I made when I stopped drinking was to distance myself, emotionally, from my family. There was no doubt in my mind that I had to do that, so that my mother's barbs wouldn't get to me. We still communicated but I had firm boundaries. It did me a lot of good. You did great and you'll get much more used to dealing with difficult situations.
One of the changes I made when I stopped drinking was to distance myself, emotionally, from my family. There was no doubt in my mind that I had to do that, so that my mother's barbs wouldn't get to me. We still communicated but I had firm boundaries. It did me a lot of good. You did great and you'll get much more used to dealing with difficult situations.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: NYC - New York
Posts: 305
Why not take a walk and pick up some tea? It's a bit late for coffee anyway no?
Seriously tho' it is really annoying when adults behave like children and our friends/family don't support us in our struggles.
Seriously tho' it is really annoying when adults behave like children and our friends/family don't support us in our struggles.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 157
good suggestion but the only place that sells tea round here at this hour is the off license.......... so maybe not a good plan 
Im thinking of putting some extremely agressive music on and polishing my baby (kawasaki) until shes shining, always helps.....
Im thinking of putting some extremely agressive music on and polishing my baby (kawasaki) until shes shining, always helps.....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: NYC - New York
Posts: 305
Originally Posted by supernothing 
good suggestion but the only place that sells tea round here at this hour is the off license.......... so maybe not a good idea
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Super,
Have I told you how impressed I am with you lately???
Seriously, you have such a gentle and funny approach all the while dealing with some really cracked up stuff. I think you bringing your kids to visit their grandparents is important. It seems like you know that just because it's hard for you, it doesn't mean they don't still have the right to know their gram and gramps. And I respect that. You put yourself out and weathered that storm and you did a great job!
And then you get home to Mr. Grumpy-Still-Drinking and you find a way to keep your balance and keep it in perspective.
I've been feeling sorry for myself all day. No good reason. Basically just because I want my husband to take care of me better and I want to drink and school's almost out so the kids are going to be home all the time, and, and, and..... I kept finding more reasons to pout to myself. And then I read your post and now I feel like a wimp.
So, make it official - you inspire me. I think you are doing a great job.
And, I really like your new signature phrase! ( :
Love, Emilie
Have I told you how impressed I am with you lately???
Seriously, you have such a gentle and funny approach all the while dealing with some really cracked up stuff. I think you bringing your kids to visit their grandparents is important. It seems like you know that just because it's hard for you, it doesn't mean they don't still have the right to know their gram and gramps. And I respect that. You put yourself out and weathered that storm and you did a great job!
And then you get home to Mr. Grumpy-Still-Drinking and you find a way to keep your balance and keep it in perspective.
I've been feeling sorry for myself all day. No good reason. Basically just because I want my husband to take care of me better and I want to drink and school's almost out so the kids are going to be home all the time, and, and, and..... I kept finding more reasons to pout to myself. And then I read your post and now I feel like a wimp.
So, make it official - you inspire me. I think you are doing a great job.
And, I really like your new signature phrase! ( :
Love, Emilie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 157
how i wish it were that simple- husband hates family and family hate him because their all peas in a pod who love to drink and point fingers at each other!
Its quite nice being the odd one out at the moment
Its quite nice being the odd one out at the moment
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