"Why can't I be apprecitative?" and I feel guilty.
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
"Why can't I be apprecitative?" and I feel guilty.
Thats what my AH just asked me on the phone.
See, my kids and I are getting evicted with nowhere to go and with no one but him to help (I was a fulltime student, just graduated, now looking for a job in a saturated market)
AH doesnt want to see that happen I guess, so he is taking what little money he has out of his IRA, emptying it to pay my past due rent to save us from eviction. All this is made more painful for him because his mother has a huge opinion on it and has advised him repeatedly not to give me any money except for what the court will order him to pay for child support for our daughter. And I know its killing AH' soul to go against what his mother is advising.
Perhaps I should be grateful (and of course on some level I am), but after this past weekends events, I feel its the least he can do.
On the other hand I feel horribly dependent on him and HATE that he has to swoop in and save the day, given the circumstances we are in.
I also feel terribly GUILTY that he has to empty his IRA out.
He has always worked exceedingly hard in a very physically demanding job to keep us fed and housed, ect.
I feel that this little bit of money in his IRA was all he really had to show for all the years of backbreaking, hard work with a horrendous boss.
The agreement is that he will do this, but when our tax rebate check arrives in July I am to allow him to keep it all. In theory its to be put back into his IRA, but I'm afraid I know it will most likely be blown by him on alcohol and marijuana, ect....
Anyhow. He called to make sure I was understanding the terms and in agreement. I said "yeah, sure whatever.." that made him mad. He asked me why the "tone and attitude?" HELLO??????????????????????
I'm still hurt and angry, I dont have the bottle and the joints to numb myself, I actually feel my pain. And I'm obsessive, so I feel it over and over, constantly.
I told him that I am appreciative, I just dont like that I'm dependent on him.
He said that wasnt his fault, I said I know it, I still dont like it, and am quickly working to change it.
I think he likes to swoop in and save the day. I think he likes me dependent on him.
I hate it.
This would all be so much easier if we didnt have a family involved. Because of the kids I have to deal with him on the phone, in emails, in person.
And my heart breaks all over again each time.
See, my kids and I are getting evicted with nowhere to go and with no one but him to help (I was a fulltime student, just graduated, now looking for a job in a saturated market)
AH doesnt want to see that happen I guess, so he is taking what little money he has out of his IRA, emptying it to pay my past due rent to save us from eviction. All this is made more painful for him because his mother has a huge opinion on it and has advised him repeatedly not to give me any money except for what the court will order him to pay for child support for our daughter. And I know its killing AH' soul to go against what his mother is advising.
Perhaps I should be grateful (and of course on some level I am), but after this past weekends events, I feel its the least he can do.
On the other hand I feel horribly dependent on him and HATE that he has to swoop in and save the day, given the circumstances we are in.
I also feel terribly GUILTY that he has to empty his IRA out.
He has always worked exceedingly hard in a very physically demanding job to keep us fed and housed, ect.
I feel that this little bit of money in his IRA was all he really had to show for all the years of backbreaking, hard work with a horrendous boss.
The agreement is that he will do this, but when our tax rebate check arrives in July I am to allow him to keep it all. In theory its to be put back into his IRA, but I'm afraid I know it will most likely be blown by him on alcohol and marijuana, ect....
Anyhow. He called to make sure I was understanding the terms and in agreement. I said "yeah, sure whatever.." that made him mad. He asked me why the "tone and attitude?" HELLO??????????????????????
I'm still hurt and angry, I dont have the bottle and the joints to numb myself, I actually feel my pain. And I'm obsessive, so I feel it over and over, constantly.
I told him that I am appreciative, I just dont like that I'm dependent on him.
He said that wasnt his fault, I said I know it, I still dont like it, and am quickly working to change it.
I think he likes to swoop in and save the day. I think he likes me dependent on him.
I hate it.
This would all be so much easier if we didnt have a family involved. Because of the kids I have to deal with him on the phone, in emails, in person.
And my heart breaks all over again each time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
You're in a tough spot. I'm so sorry that you are hurting. What are you doing for yourself to feel good? It doesn't have to be anything that costs money. Taking a walk. Taking a long hot bath. Painting your toenails. Whatever makes you feel good. Do it. Live in that moment and feel the serenity.....even if it's very short lived.
You are on a rough road right now. Be kind to yourself......you deserve it.
gentle hugs
You are on a rough road right now. Be kind to yourself......you deserve it.
gentle hugs
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
well best you can do is keeping working on a game plan and getting yourself financially independent of him.....ideally going straight into your field of expertise would be awesome, however drastic times call for drastic measures and ya might end up taking something less than optimal to get ya over the hump!!! and ya know what? that's ok. we gotta do what we gotta do to survive.
that was awfully gracious of him.........he could have left you high and dry. what he chooses to do with the funds down the road is his problem. you just keep your focus about 3 feet past the end of your nose!!!!
that was awfully gracious of him.........he could have left you high and dry. what he chooses to do with the funds down the road is his problem. you just keep your focus about 3 feet past the end of your nose!!!!
But I really think the motivation is more for himself and what he gets out of saving me - like telling himself he cant really be that bad of a guy - look what he's doing!
And he feels obligated. Plus despite everything else, he's not the type to leave his family high and dry. One of the very good things about him.
But yes, having watched my father abandon my mother and us kids with nothing, I am aware that it was a "gracious" act on his part.
Though I do still feel it was the least he can do. And then alternately feel quilty, then feel confused about feeling "entitled" and "guilty."
This brings up another subject/question I want to post about, but I'm going out for a walk and will do so later. Actually I have a bunch of other posts rolling around in my mind -y'all are going to get so sick of me real quick!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Just as you do not own his feelings, actions and behaviors, neither does he own yours. Your feelings and reactions are yours and valid as they are. He doesn't have to like you reaction to him and more than you have to like his reaction to you. It is what it is.
Yes, its "nice" that he is doing what he is doing. Of course its also true that a court would have been very likely to tell him to do it also.
Yes, its "nice" that he is doing what he is doing. Of course its also true that a court would have been very likely to tell him to do it also.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
