kpaul32

I'm really feeling lonely,unappreciated, and mad right now. My sister, and neices for years begged me to move to this state so that we could all enjoy being family. My sister is a crack addict and her husband and adult kids had given up hope that she would ever be sober. I am a recovering alcoholic, so I understood addiction. I came here and had her committed to treatment twice against her will because she was literraly near death from smoking crack. She is now 3 months sober and now they are all one big happy family. They have picnics, bbq, go to movies and resturants. Whats the problem. They never bother to invite me 90 percent of the time. This is my birthday weekend and my sister and neice had promised to spend time with me. Each cancelled to pursue their own plans. One to go to outing with her sister and sister's boyfriend, another to have a weekend getaway with her husband. What is so cold is the way it was done. My sister called me and said I needed to come get her grandaughter and baby sit over the weekend because she and her husband were going away. My neice than cancelled her outing with me to go somewhere with others. I am through with all of them. I feel like they could at least show some appreciation. Were it not for me they would be sitting around depressed wondering if there mother was dead. And my sister would be prostituting herself for crack or dead. The least I would think they could do is to include me in family events or al the very least not cancel plans with me at the last minute. I am pissed and almost wish my sister would relaspe so they could all go back to being miserable. I know that is not right, but I am mad as hell. Someone give me some insight please

least

I have no insight to give you as I'm having my own family problems right now, but nothing as bad as yours. I do understand your feelings of frustration resentment and disappointment tho. I'm sure you feel like hell after being abandoned like that. I wouldn't like it either. I'd be just as hurt and mad as you are. It sounds like they all have some growing up to do. I just hope you can forgive them for their thoughtless mean actions, cause it sounds like they are pretty sick emotionally. I hope you can find some peace in your troubled heart, despite being treated so badly.

I wish I could make it all better, but the days of kissing boo boos and putting on band aids is long gone for both of us. I am sorry you are feeling so badly.

:ghug3

love, least

Anna

I understand how you can feel hurt in this situation. But, I have learned, that when I have expectations, I am often disappointed. I try to live with an open heart and an open mind and accept things in my life that I can't change. If you feel that your sister and her family are leaving you out of activities, then try to find things to do on your own. Try to let go of the anger and bitterness that you feel because it is toxic.

353

kpaul 32,

Just know that you are a caring human being. Understand that you helped your sister and her family because it was the right thing to do. You should appreciate your sober self and come to terms with your powerlessness over others and their actions.

What helps me in this endless struggle is to remind myself of all the times I hurt or betrayed those around me, often just knowing I don't have to live that way any longer is enough to give me a huge dose of gratitude. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes I need to talk to those close to me in my recovery.

My sponsor has often told me when I get to feeling unappreciated that I expect too much from the world and I'm really not the center of the universe, he will then tell me to always be ready to help others regardless of the outcome.

My biggest task...loving people for who they are and not who I want them to be.

Just be true to yourself, act according to your conscience and live in your skin.

Peace..

kpaul32

Thank you for your words of support; they meant alot. God bless you

sugErspun

As a recovering alcoholic - you may have heard that resentment is the #1 offender, and that our problems (including resentment) are of our own making.

Did you help your sister so that she would 'owe' you later down the road?

This may come off as critical, but I have seen little things like this take alcoholics out. When I say out, I mean back to the bottle and a certain alcoholic death.

It need not be. Use your tools of recovery to be rid of this resentment, it may mean your very life.

tennis71

Say a prayer for them instead of hanging on to that resentment. Communicate your feelings instead of letting them build up.

Try an AA meeting.

four812

I can relate and with empathy. I've often done "nice" things, and then feel abandoned or rejected when I don't get a pat on the back; I would certainly be in turmoil over being outright rejected/abandoned by not being included in plans with people that I want to be with.

yes I can be too sensitive sometimes (often). this is because I have low self respect/self esteem. I need to learn to "fall in love with the life I have", and then I won't have to depend on others' love in order to feel good or connected.

so as I'm feeling the pains of lonliness, I am simultaneously taking action. mindful actions to Heal. like therapy. like writing (part of which is happening here/now), excercising, yoga, socializing.

i'm going to learn how to be well. I am going to live. I'm fed up with darkness--though I can simultaneously want it and not want it.

hopefully you can find the best, the very best path, that is in front of you today. I will try to do the same. i'll give myself a (B-) so far; i feel ok about my behavior and actions today.

thanks for sharing your thoughts with me and inviting me into your world in the tiny way that the computer enables us to do.