holla

Hello,
This is my first time here. My alcoholic husband started going to AA 3 weeks ago and has filed for divorce and is in an affair with another woman. My problem is that my head knows the divorce is probably for the best but my heart can't quite handle the pain, sadness and rejection. It seems nearly unbearable. I've had to move out, he's filed the papers, and I'm stuck in perpetual sadness. Currently, I feel that I will never get out of this sadness I'm living in. I'm grabbing onto any hope for healing that I can. I would appreciate any encouragement or advice in how to move forward. I ask anyone who can give me advice to please do so. The divorce will go through, but I need to hear from people who really do get true happiness when they thought they wouldn't. I guess that I need to know that there is life after my unwanted divorce and that I will be happy again.

Barbara52

Welcome. I think you can find a great deal of support and informaiton in here. You may also want to consider going to AlAnon. The one thing that can help the msot is information about how alcoholism has affected you and what you can do about it. Individual therapy can also help, especially dealing with the pain and rejection you feel from his infidelity.

Yes, you can find happiness outside of your marriage. You may find that being out of the madness that is alcoholism life is better than you expect.

Kindeyes

I am so sorry that you are in such pain. You are going through a grieving process and it will take time......no one can tell you how long......but it will get better.

I kicked my alcoholic/addicted ex husband to the curb 25 years ago (sounds harsh but I HAD to get out of that relationship to save myself and my infant son). I remarried a couple of years later to the most wonderful man. He is not perfect but he IS perfect for me. We just celebrated 23 years.

There is life after divorce. Right now.....grieve.....get it out. But the world keeps spinning and life goes on. Concentrate on YOU now. You no longer need to concentrate on your STBXH. Don't be surprised if he comes crawling back at some point begging for forgiveness and saying he made a terrible mistake (my ex did).

Hopefully you'll be at a point in your own recovery that you'll be able to say.....your mistake was my good fortune.

Do something really nice for yourself today. Something that really makes YOU happy and feel good. Enjoy that moment. There are many more moments like that for you in the future.

gentle hugs

Pajarito

I LOVE that!

(((Holla))) I am feeling the same sadness you feel. I have alo dealt with AHs infidelity. It's very hard. It hurts. What I am finding is that every day is different. I am trying to take care of myself. I go to a great therapist, I journal, I take walks- instead of laying in bed in the fetal position, I come here to read and post, I've reached out to family and friends and found so much support. I'm not on the "other side" yet, but I know I'll get there. My AH has never begged. He left thinking I'd realize what a great guy he is- all the while telling me he's attracted to a woman he works with. I couldn't see myself with him anymore. I'm just starting to get to a place where the above quote is making sense. It will take time- feel your feelings and take care of yourself. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Pick-a-name

Hi! Glad you found SR........it has helped me so much!

My story is similar to yours. Married 27yrs and SAHM to our 2 kids and AH moved out/filed and divorced/OW....(he just is still drinking). One day,hour,minute,at a time. That's how I am and have been doing it. Small steps to start focusing on me (and our kids) and doing something nice for myself every day.

Getting Them Sober books (for preview chapters see: Getting Them Sober- Recovery Communications) helped show me how to start to slowly do little things that made it easier to take the next baby step.

Funny thing is happening. I am realizing that exAH really had become a paper tiger,and I think he is starting to realize it,too.

Reading,coming here and posting,professional help,Alanon and open AA meetings........... praying. Those are some of the things that have and are helping me.

Take things at your own pace..................it's your healing.

I'm sorry you are hurting but glad you found us. Hope you stick around.

hugs

NYC_Chick

Sorry for your pain Holla. I don't have any great advice, but wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Keep posting. It helps!

lexusgirl

I'm sorry you're dealing with this...Maybe God has a better plan for you. I hope you keep posting and sharing with us, there are so many nice and caring people here.:ghug

baileyboop

As hard as it may be, now might be a good time for you to make some plans with some of your friends. Stay as busy as you can, whether it be doing some things at home, like reading, gardening, ect.. or whether it be going out and developing some new hobbies and interests. I have found that the busier I stay, the less I spent feeling sad.. Hugs to you..

steve11694

In his mind the new "woman" "enabler" or whatever you wish to call her. is, for the time being, the solution to the problems he perceives. Maybe she also drinks or is alcoholic, maybe not. I have seen these relationships come and go in a way aki8n to the "geographic escape" GE is when the addict changes location, address, city, etc deluding him/herself into believing the problems are due to where he/she lives.

If I were you, and I have been in your shoes, I would be very happy to not be part of the madness. I believe living with the madness is worse than losing the "shell" of the person.