logic...
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 35
logic...
I think I just need to make sense of some of this at the moment so thought the best place to reason it out would be here. My AH that I have been separated from for 6 months went into rehab about 2 weeks ago. That was a great move but then he has this expectation that I(and our 15 month old baby) will come back to him a few months after he gets out. And he is expecting that I should be starting to make plans (which includes moving back to the country he lives in) to do so. When I said to him that I dont want to rush things and to consider my point of view as I have totally set up my life again. I have a great job, live back near my family and friends and have been taking care of our child with absolutely no support from him. Well he was furious at my suggestion of not rushing things and I asked him that maybe he should think about things and then we can talk again. His answer to that was that "I would never hear from him again" and then he hung up on me. That was four days ago and I havent heard from him since. For all I know he may not even still be in rehab! I want to support him through this but I cant lie to him and I cant condone him speaking to me that way. Any thoughts on this???
Continue taking care of you and the little one.
The only thing he needs to do is...catch up to you on the same path you are on. Waiting for him before you do anything will only slow you both down.
You are doing right.
I was separated for over 2 years and when my actions proved I had found recovery... that is when we had gotten back together. Selfish me said no. Recovered me said please.
Take care of yourself. If he wants the better life, he will seek and find a solid recovery and catch up.
The only thing he needs to do is...catch up to you on the same path you are on. Waiting for him before you do anything will only slow you both down.
You are doing right.
I was separated for over 2 years and when my actions proved I had found recovery... that is when we had gotten back together. Selfish me said no. Recovered me said please.
Take care of yourself. If he wants the better life, he will seek and find a solid recovery and catch up.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 15
Hey Jen!
I am going through pretty much the same thing right now, but my AH walked out of his re-hab after 2 weeks because " everyone there was court-ordered and not serious like him", anyway he is very adamant that he should be allowed to come home and try again , but I am not buying it.... been down this road too many times before and won't believe it until he has some serious clean time. He has tried to manipulate me by saying that if I can't give him an answer as to if we can try again or not he wil have to move on and even went so far as to tell me that other women are interested in him and I just told him that if he had to have an answer immediately he should go ahead and file for a divorce as I wont be manipulated by him ever again.
Don't worry about not hearing from him, my thoughts on that are that they don't just go away that easily.......he will call again. Good luck!
I am going through pretty much the same thing right now, but my AH walked out of his re-hab after 2 weeks because " everyone there was court-ordered and not serious like him", anyway he is very adamant that he should be allowed to come home and try again , but I am not buying it.... been down this road too many times before and won't believe it until he has some serious clean time. He has tried to manipulate me by saying that if I can't give him an answer as to if we can try again or not he wil have to move on and even went so far as to tell me that other women are interested in him and I just told him that if he had to have an answer immediately he should go ahead and file for a divorce as I wont be manipulated by him ever again.
Don't worry about not hearing from him, my thoughts on that are that they don't just go away that easily.......he will call again. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 123
i would stay put where your at, you need to see what he does with his life, and if he treatens you with other women let him go, somone who is in true recovery should understand that you cant just pick up and leave just because he got out of rehab. what would happen if you did go? and he relapsed? there you are stuck, losing everyhting again? he has alot of work to do on himself before he can take on all the rsponsibility of others..you have been doing great and you have yourself settled why disrupt that? i myslef would need more proof ..in time you will know and see if he is able to stay clean..dont rush into anything..good luck
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
They all come back..........believe it or not. My 1st husband was a compulsive gambler. I tried everything to get him to stop. I think I left him bag & baggage 9 times the 1st 2 yrs, then I even divorced him, remarried him, then finally left for good. I was 27 when I ended it. I did not hear from this man for almost 30 yrs then he called me. I didn't even know who it was right away. He said things I would have given my right arm to hear way back then, but it was way too late. After being on my own for 10 yrs I met & married my present husband & I love him more with each passing day.
My ex went from gambling to drugs & only got clean & sober when he was 58, he is 63 now.
I only wish him the best but as far as I am concerned I could care less if I ever see him again.
Be true to yourself & if he doesn't like it thats too bad. When a man truly loves you he waits until you are ready too.
Wishing you the best,
Diane
My ex went from gambling to drugs & only got clean & sober when he was 58, he is 63 now.
I only wish him the best but as far as I am concerned I could care less if I ever see him again.
Be true to yourself & if he doesn't like it thats too bad. When a man truly loves you he waits until you are ready too.
Wishing you the best,
Diane
Jen as said, continue to take care of you and the little one.
IF and that's a big IF he stays in rehab, he is going to learn that it will be INTENSE for at least the first year, with home SOLELY concentrating on himself as much as possible, possible even going into a sober living facility.
If he has left rehab, well then you don't want him back for sure.
So continue your efforts for YOU and YOUR CHILD. You have done very good so far, moving back where you have family and a support system.
Either he will "get it" or he won't.
Remember, we are here for you, we do care very much, so come around often and post, rant, rave, scream, cry, and yes even laugh.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
IF and that's a big IF he stays in rehab, he is going to learn that it will be INTENSE for at least the first year, with home SOLELY concentrating on himself as much as possible, possible even going into a sober living facility.
If he has left rehab, well then you don't want him back for sure.
So continue your efforts for YOU and YOUR CHILD. You have done very good so far, moving back where you have family and a support system.
Either he will "get it" or he won't.
Remember, we are here for you, we do care very much, so come around often and post, rant, rave, scream, cry, and yes even laugh.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 15
OK, so I went to bed last night worried about the post that I had made and was a little afraid that I may have been offensive with my first post on here.It was so very nice to wake up and log and to see that I am not just being a cold-hearted resentful person as my AH loves to portray me.Thank you all for the warm welcome and for validating my feelings. I think I am going to love it here!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 15
sounds like he wants what he wants when he wants it and if he doesn't get his way his stamps his feet and throws a temper tantrum.....which is great, if you're two........
you keep doing what is best FOR you and the little one....and everything will work out just the way it's supposed to....
you keep doing what is best FOR you and the little one....and everything will work out just the way it's supposed to....
I agree, keep doing what is best for you and your child, that is what I am doing and will continue to do so. If we are suppose to find each other again then it will happen in it's own time,if not ,it was never meant to be , JMO
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 282
Sounds like he just wants an out and figures if he makes you feel like hes going to find someone else you will jump up and do what he wants. PLEASE...My X tried to lay that BS on me and he even wanted a time frame! Like all the years of crap would be under the bridge if I said "OK six months" He ended up staying with his new woman and I'm glad now!
Its all manipulation and it will twist your mind inside out if you dont stay true to yourself. You really have to let him do his own thing. He will call again and tell you more stories. Make your child your focus and don't let him drag you down anymore. IMHO..we are all alot stronger that they want us to think we are. Good luck and keep posting
Its all manipulation and it will twist your mind inside out if you dont stay true to yourself. You really have to let him do his own thing. He will call again and tell you more stories. Make your child your focus and don't let him drag you down anymore. IMHO..we are all alot stronger that they want us to think we are. Good luck and keep posting
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 15
Sounds like he just wants an out and figures if he makes you feel like hes going to find someone else you will jump up and do what he wants. PLEASE...My X tried to lay that BS on me and he even wanted a time frame! Like all the years of crap would be under the bridge if I said "OK six months" He ended up staying with his new woman and I'm glad now!
Its all manipulation and it will twist your mind inside out if you dont stay true to yourself. You really have to let him do his own thing. He will call again and tell you more stories. Make your child your focus and don't let him drag you down anymore. IMHO..we are all alot stronger that they want us to think we are. Good luck and keep posting
Its all manipulation and it will twist your mind inside out if you dont stay true to yourself. You really have to let him do his own thing. He will call again and tell you more stories. Make your child your focus and don't let him drag you down anymore. IMHO..we are all alot stronger that they want us to think we are. Good luck and keep posting
I agree, manipulation, and I told my husband that I would not be manipulated, or scared into doing anything I did not want to do anymore.
I think that when they realize that we are stronger than they think it threatens THEM and really pisses them off because they realize that we have wised up and they can't get us to do what they want anymore,hence the anger and frustration sets in.
Funny, mine wants a time frame too....pfffffftttt!
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