Kindeyes

.....that HE has to deal with his demons.

But I'm not doing so well today. My A son has been over for the last two days. He looks wonderful. He's working out. His attitude is fabulous. He's kind and generous and thoughtful.

But I did something I had NO business doing. I am a signer on his checking account so when I look at my account using my own password, his account comes up in my "list of accounts".

You got it. I looked. And there it was. A $13 trip to the liquor store.

He's going to AA meetings. Going to his weekly treatment center meetings. But he has friends in town for the Memorial Day weekend who are old drinking buddies.

Now here I go looking at his checking account and find what I hoped not to. I'm not doing so good at staying on "my side of the street".

I guess he has had a relapse. I can only hope that it's a temporary slip up. But then.......I also had a "relapse" didn't I? He couldn't resist the urge to drink and I couldn't resist the urge to check up on him.

Somebody whack me upside the head.

suki44883

Isn't it possible he bought liquor for his friends? Be careful jumping to conclusions.

Kindeyes

Except that all of his friends are in their mid-20's and are perfectly capable of buying liquor for themselves. You're right. I shouldn't jump to conclusions. It is the behavior that results from the drinking that is unacceptable. And I'm not seeing the inappropriate behavior. I just need to LET GO and LET GOD.

I feel really crappy for looking at his transactions. It's none of my business!

I feel like I've failed the CA (codie analysis).....it's like the UA (urine analysis) except for codie's.

Shivaya

Kindeyes,

Be "kind" to yourself! You are human, after all, and not perfect! At least you can admit to what you did and try to do better next time.

Also, am I seeing things tonight, or did you change your eyeshadow color?

Shivaya

lexusgirl

Please don't be so hard on yourself. I probably would have done the same myself. I had a "relapse" over the last few days.

Hang in there! You're doing so good!

Spiritual Seeker

Focus Focus Focus on ourself.
Their behavior and choices are not ours to micromanage.
We all slip. You caught yourself, hopefully your son will too.

bookwyrm

Failing this test just means you're human! Don't give yourself too hard a time for it.

:ghug3

peaceteach

(((Kindeyes))),

I would have made that slip also, and I do when I look at my daughter's checking (she's in college so I still allow myself to think it is for THAT reason).

I hope you are back in your serenty zone this morning and can laugh at last night's slip and resulting anxiety. Powerlessness, giving it over to HP, you know that drill, but even for a very experienced codie, a slip can happen. Approach it like a recovering A. Step up meetings, readings, self-care, and remember the tools that work for you to detach. Thinking of you today, sweetie

NYC_Chick

(((Kindeyes))) I feel like my middle name should be relapse. It's hard!

He'll figure it out if he wants to.

Kindeyes

Thanks everybody for the supportive words. I just wanted to kick myself and you remind me that I am human.

Shivaya - same ol' eye shadow.

Peaceteach - even though I slipped up last night, I felt a twinge of disappointment but certainly didn't feel the overwhelming anxiety that I have felt in the past. Perhaps I should look at that as progress.

thanks everyone......your gentle reminders are very much appreciated.