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Just over 30 days!

Old 05-24-2008, 04:35 PM
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Just over 30 days!

Hi everyone-
I have read some of your posts and thoughts and it is good to read them. I am glad that I have found somewhere that I can log into while I am at work for support and further education about my disease. (That way I don't have to think about drinking while I am at work!)

Seriously though, I am 32 days into the AA program and am bouncing between extreme emotional lows and a couple of emotional highs where I am embracing everything. I really do enjoy the meetings and feel better after going to them, but I find myself avoiding certain people there because they are just so damn perky. It is like the cheerleaders of AA. (I didn't even like cheerleaders in high school!)

I have a sponsor that I have been working with and just finished the first step, but I feel like I am not relating very well to her and just do not feel the motivation to open up to her and really talk. I feel like she is pushing me so hard and judging. I am making as many meetings as I can. I work about 60 hours a week and have a husband. My husband and I do not have the same days off so our only time together is in the evenings. Before AA I was a basket case with my schedule. Now I have added AA and therapy to it too!

She says to me, "I have so much time for AA because I spent all my time drinking before." I told her that is great and I wished that was the same for me, but I actually multi-tasked while I drank and unfortunately I still have all those tasks to do sober! I am attending 5-7 meetings a week, a once a week meeting with her and a once a week meeting with my therapist.

I do not feel like I am trying to do the program "my way" and not the AA way. I just feel like I am doing all I can! I only have so much time in a day! Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I feel like I may need to look for another sponsor and I feel horrible about doing that? But I just don't know if I relate to her.... or if she can relate to me.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated!

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Old 05-24-2008, 04:54 PM
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Hi DSN,

No worries... you are actually doing exactly what you need to be doing... believe it or not!

First, if you are not finding a supportive sponsor, and instead have on that is judgmental, you do need to question that. Moreover, a sponsor can often be more helpful if they have similarities to you. However, that is not always the case. The point is, a sponsor has to be right for you as it is a "personal" relationship.

My first sponsor had an "iron fist in a velvet glove approach". He actually would sit and read the big book to me... I am a lawyer, really good at reading... he didn't read so good. Needless to say the relationship didn't work b/c part of my personaility is to question things, he didn't react well to that. So, I moved on and found someone else. To his credit, he actually accepted that I needed someone else.

Second, there is, to my knowledge, no prescribed "AA" way to do the program other than to work the steps, attend the meetings and give back when you are able. That's the program. You are doing a lot. Don't be so hard on yourself.

When I started two meetings a week was all I could do. It is still the max for me. The point is that I find other ways to keep it in my life when I am not in a meeting... on line here, reading books, talking with others that are in the same boat, etc.

Go easy on yourself.

Levi
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Old 05-24-2008, 05:00 PM
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Hi DSodaNow,

Welcome!

I can't give you advice about the sponsor/meetings, but I wanted to congratulate you on your sober time and give you a big welcome.
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Old 05-24-2008, 05:06 PM
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You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. If you feel like you need a new sponsor to get thru the steps then you should change. We are only as sick as our secrects. You need someone that you can relate to and be honest with.

Keep up the good work with the meetings and working the steps.
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Old 05-24-2008, 05:07 PM
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Thanks Levi- It really helps to hear your thoughts. My sponsor likes to read to me as well and I find it to incredibly difficult to not only pay attention but to not become completely frustrated.
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Old 05-24-2008, 05:25 PM
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Here is the official guideline on AA Sponsorship...

Alcoholics Anonymous :

Click on the icon for info.

You usually can also find it on the literature
rack at meetings.

Congratulations on your sober time!
Welcome to our recovery community...
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Old 05-24-2008, 05:40 PM
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Geez, it sounds like you are working a really dedicated and thorough program to me. I'm only 50 days into sobriety and I can make just 3-4 meetings a week max. I have a similar schedule to yours, single mom with 2 children and a 50-60 hour work week, a commute, housework, cooking, laundry, and now NA. Do what you can. Believe it or not, I think being a busy person actually helps keep me out of trouble. I don't even have time to miss the drugs now! I do have to make time to think about the steps though. I've been using my commute to do some work while I drive (radio and phone off). Give yourself a break, you don't have to do it all in one week!!! Seriously, it sounds like you are really doing well, how are you feeling inside? That's what's really important. Do you feel like you are progressing to your satisfaction?
kj
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Old 05-24-2008, 05:52 PM
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I ditto everything leviathon said. I got the pamflet on sponsorship off the web and gave it to my sponsor to read. We work together on the steps. She has a format for the steps that work for her, so we start there, and work out what works for me within the steps. I've discovered through this process that I have a lot of fear about expressing myself and she and I work on that.

I am currently very happily single with an adult son, so I have plenty of time for meetings. However we discovered that I needed to skip a meeting when I had the opportunity to spend time with others one on one or in a non-meeting setting. So I have set 3 specific meetings that I go to each week. I often go to more and I have missed an occasional specific meeting due to other commitments. It all seems to be working well for me. so that is my expereince so far this time around.
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Old 05-24-2008, 06:05 PM
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I also agree with what has been said. You can't do more than is humanly possible, and you sound like you've got too much on your plate already. And by all means find a sponsor closer to your needs. A sponsor cannot help you if you don't get along well.

Congrats on your sober time and keep it up - the sobriety, that is, not the grueling schedule. Is there any help at all that could take some of the burden off you? Help with laundry, housework? Anything? Can your husband take on at least one task, say, laundry, or his schedule as hectic as yours?

If your husband is supportive of your sobriety then I would think spending time with him would be a good thing for your sobriety, not a bad thing. Don't stress yourself out any more than you can stand. Severe stress is not good for sobriety, especially not new sobriety.

Glad you're here!:ghug3
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Old 05-24-2008, 06:12 PM
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least,
You said it really well. I tend to forget that extra stress is bad for my new sobriety. I don't even really know how to limit my stress. open to suggestions though!
kj
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Old 05-24-2008, 08:50 PM
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I would suggest that if your sponsor is not conducive to your sobriety, then looking for another sponsor is acceptable. The people in the AA program are just that, people. You will not be able to relate to everyone just like any other situation. Getting another sponsor doesn't mean that you are doing it "your way", especially if you continue to work the steps and continue to move forward in your sobriety.

Further, it is a healthy step forward to set boundaries and to communicate your feelings. One of the reasons that an alcoholic drinks, me especially, is that we lack the tools to communicate our feelings. We end up drinking to forget, to put off something, to ignore something or to cope with something. We let things build up and then comes the wreckage we create.

All that being said it sounds to me like you are working a good program. I look forward to hearing more about your journey to sobriety and congratulations on your 32 days!
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Old 05-25-2008, 10:26 AM
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Thanks Everyone for your responses! My husband has been very supportive in helping out with additional things around the house. And it is good to hear that it is not a "sin" to want to spend time with him or my friends instead of a meeting anytime I have spare time. (Fortunately my friends do not drink for the most part!)

I do have a hard time communicating my feelings and setting boundaries. I am also working on my codependencing with my therapist while doing these steps. So maybe having an honest conversation with my sponsor is appropriate. I always want to live up to everyone's expectations. (At least my twisted version of what I think they are.) I think that is part of it. She has clearly laid out her expectations, which are one or more meetings everyday. But I think that in order for me to stay sane I need to talk to her. I have four meetings that I am commited to and always attend, and if she can be happy with me doing those plus any others my schedule always for I think I could feel better about it!

Again, thanks everyone. I am really grateful that I found this site.
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Old 05-25-2008, 10:34 AM
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In my erly sobriety ...I found a daily meeting
that was at 7 A.M. before my job.

I enjoyed beginning my day with AA
and my work time went smoother too.

Blessings to you and your family ..
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