how do you deal with anger?
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by offhegoes 
now it's eating me up inside...
Let go and let God.
Or as I had seen someone's signiture line...
Let go or be dragged.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Exton, Pa
Posts: 75
Originally Posted by best
When it eats enough, you will learn to let it go and detach.
Let go and let God.
Or as I had seen someone's signiture line...
Let go or be dragged.
Let go and let God.
Or as I had seen someone's signiture line...
Let go or be dragged.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
I have found myself in "several" overwhelming life experiences by now, and, in the end, each has brought me closer to a complete faith in God, HP, spirit. Be patient with yourself, Off. I know now that I could have skipped all the pain and just surrendered to faith and acceptance, but I would have missed the lessons of growth, maturity, and serenity if I had not gone through the pain of anger and sadness. As humans, we can't help but feel. As codies, some of us learn to NOT feel, which is not good either.
Embracing each emotion THROUGH the process is healthy, and leading you down a path that will be forever remembered. These are not terrible emotions, as long as you work through them and don't stay stuck IN them. I found safe places where I could vent and cry; it always seemed to be in my car, actually, driving while ranting and raving
Embracing each emotion THROUGH the process is healthy, and leading you down a path that will be forever remembered. These are not terrible emotions, as long as you work through them and don't stay stuck IN them. I found safe places where I could vent and cry; it always seemed to be in my car, actually, driving while ranting and raving
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Off!
Can't add much to everything Peace said above!
Learning to walk thru your emotions, "feel and deal" - is not always easy. I know I still struggle with this, and probably always will. When I do it, walk through it in a healthy way, I feel so grown up. A good kind of grown up, you know?
And, I'm pretty sure you can be a christian and still be angry
I think this is a good sign. The steps we go through are basically the same as grieving - denial, sadness, anger, acceptance, etc. I can't quite remember the right order this morning - I was told this when my journey began, and it was true for me, getting thru this grieving process is when I finally came to understand and accept I was powerless over his addiction and I had been powerless all these years to help him.
Are you still going to the IOP meetings (is that the right term?)? Are you going to other meetings for you?
(((hugs)))
Can't add much to everything Peace said above!
Learning to walk thru your emotions, "feel and deal" - is not always easy. I know I still struggle with this, and probably always will. When I do it, walk through it in a healthy way, I feel so grown up. A good kind of grown up, you know?
And, I'm pretty sure you can be a christian and still be angry
I think this is a good sign. The steps we go through are basically the same as grieving - denial, sadness, anger, acceptance, etc. I can't quite remember the right order this morning -
I was told this when my journey began, and it was true for me, getting thru this grieving process is when I finally came to understand and accept I was powerless over his addiction and I had been powerless all these years to help him.Are you still going to the IOP meetings (is that the right term?)? Are you going to other meetings for you?
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
The only thing I can add to what other's have said is something from the physiological side. If you elevate your endorphin levels you'll feel better. It may not necessarily make the pain of anger go away, but it will help balance it a little better while you work through the emotions.
Getting physical will raise your endorphins. Take a walk, go for a run if you can, ride a bike, do push ups, etc. Acupuncture and massage is also supposed to raise endorphin levels. Generally, just physically taking care of you.
Getting physical will raise your endorphins. Take a walk, go for a run if you can, ride a bike, do push ups, etc. Acupuncture and massage is also supposed to raise endorphin levels. Generally, just physically taking care of you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I repeat the codie version of the serenity prayer:
Lord grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the person I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
Then I take a deep breath, exhale, and focus on the task at hand (or take my son outside for a game of kickball).
Lord grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the person I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
Then I take a deep breath, exhale, and focus on the task at hand (or take my son outside for a game of kickball).
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
For me, the anger is not a primary emotion - though it feels quite primal in strength, eh?
Anger is a reaction to FEAR... and when it came to my kids, that fear was pure TERROR. I don't think I can find words strong enough to describe the depth of the fear I feel when my daughter is on a meth run.
God gave me an experience which helped me understand that the fear came from ME, not her...
It was the heart of winter, daughter had been 18 for all of 2 weeks, and was emotionally closer to 13 due to her drug use. She had been "released" from a faith based rehab in the middle of a one-street town in Podunk Washington at 5:00 p.m. at night. They gave her two dollars for a bus (which left at 5:30, but she didn't know that) and it was the last bus of the night.
When she couldn't find a bus that went to her home town, and then realized she had missed the last bus of the day to ANYwhere else, she spent a dollar trying to call collect - because she didn't know you don't need money for collect calls (THAT is how naive she was) and the other dollar on a bag of french fries....
That is the extent of what I knew when I finally got word at 9:00 pm that she was no longer at the rehab - and that news came through a family member with a contact at the church - the rehab did not call or contact me or even TAKE my calls... because, they said, she was an "adult" and it was "her decision" to leave. (Yeah, but they sure wanted all the contact numbers for me and my hubby in case leaving would have been THEIR idea... grumble).
Anyway, I called the police who finally contacted the pastor (woke him up) and MADE him take my call ... he knew nothing. Our daughter had left with a sack of clothes several hours ago - he had no idea where she was.
It was 18 degrees that night - we were in the middle of a horrible ice storm.
I drove all night, up and down the back roads leading to and from that town... stopping at every intersection, checking ditches, stopping at convenience stores, trying to describe my kid when I had no idea what she was wearing.... I called police agencies and hospitals in THREE counties - but they didn't want to take my calls because she was an adult, and they were busy with the ice storm.
One dispatcher finally agreed to put out a bulletin, but started to hang up... I asked, don't you even want her name and description? She reluctantly took it from me.
I drove and cried and drove and drove... slid around in the ice, prayed my baby was going to be ok... I kept "seeing" her bound and gagged in the back of some big old yellow Chevy van with gray primer. I prayed that wouldn't be true... now was NOT the time to start being psychic!
Nothing has ever hurt quite as bad as all that driving and not being able to find her.
Hubby left the next morning for an appointment he couldn't break, and begged me to keep him posted, and to keep calling the police and the hospitals...so I did. And cried and prayed... I was so tired and so afraid....
Then, about noon, a strange truck pulled in to our house (which is out in nowhereville) and our daughter got out of the truck.
While eating her french fries, she spied a gal she knew who took her home to her grandmother's house. They had dinner, warm beds (a wood stove fire) and biscuits and coffee the next morning. Daughter didn't realize the collect call had gone through, so she didn't want to call us... just wanted to show up in case we said she couldn't come home, so that is why she didn't call.
Lesson learned? My prayers, that my daughter be safe and warm, were answered. The fear was mine... generated entirely by MY mind in MY head. I did it to myself.
Hard way to learn the lesson - but today I know that I NEED to clamp down on those stupid thoughts IMMEDIATELY. I don't allow myself to "wonder" what my kid is doing... I get busy doing something else... I watch a movie, I visit and Alanon friend, I take a couple of tylenol PM and I pray a lot.
Getting rid of my fears... truly accepting that my addict has a PATH (one that is defined, with a beginning a middle and a goal) helps me understand that it is not MY path, not MY goals, not MY decision.
Hope this helps....(((hugs))))
Anger is a reaction to FEAR... and when it came to my kids, that fear was pure TERROR. I don't think I can find words strong enough to describe the depth of the fear I feel when my daughter is on a meth run.
God gave me an experience which helped me understand that the fear came from ME, not her...
It was the heart of winter, daughter had been 18 for all of 2 weeks, and was emotionally closer to 13 due to her drug use. She had been "released" from a faith based rehab in the middle of a one-street town in Podunk Washington at 5:00 p.m. at night. They gave her two dollars for a bus (which left at 5:30, but she didn't know that) and it was the last bus of the night.
When she couldn't find a bus that went to her home town, and then realized she had missed the last bus of the day to ANYwhere else, she spent a dollar trying to call collect - because she didn't know you don't need money for collect calls (THAT is how naive she was) and the other dollar on a bag of french fries....
That is the extent of what I knew when I finally got word at 9:00 pm that she was no longer at the rehab - and that news came through a family member with a contact at the church - the rehab did not call or contact me or even TAKE my calls... because, they said, she was an "adult" and it was "her decision" to leave. (Yeah, but they sure wanted all the contact numbers for me and my hubby in case leaving would have been THEIR idea... grumble).
Anyway, I called the police who finally contacted the pastor (woke him up) and MADE him take my call ... he knew nothing. Our daughter had left with a sack of clothes several hours ago - he had no idea where she was.
It was 18 degrees that night - we were in the middle of a horrible ice storm.
I drove all night, up and down the back roads leading to and from that town... stopping at every intersection, checking ditches, stopping at convenience stores, trying to describe my kid when I had no idea what she was wearing.... I called police agencies and hospitals in THREE counties - but they didn't want to take my calls because she was an adult, and they were busy with the ice storm.
One dispatcher finally agreed to put out a bulletin, but started to hang up... I asked, don't you even want her name and description? She reluctantly took it from me.
I drove and cried and drove and drove... slid around in the ice, prayed my baby was going to be ok... I kept "seeing" her bound and gagged in the back of some big old yellow Chevy van with gray primer. I prayed that wouldn't be true... now was NOT the time to start being psychic!
Nothing has ever hurt quite as bad as all that driving and not being able to find her.
Hubby left the next morning for an appointment he couldn't break, and begged me to keep him posted, and to keep calling the police and the hospitals...so I did. And cried and prayed... I was so tired and so afraid....
Then, about noon, a strange truck pulled in to our house (which is out in nowhereville) and our daughter got out of the truck.
While eating her french fries, she spied a gal she knew who took her home to her grandmother's house. They had dinner, warm beds (a wood stove fire) and biscuits and coffee the next morning. Daughter didn't realize the collect call had gone through, so she didn't want to call us... just wanted to show up in case we said she couldn't come home, so that is why she didn't call.
Lesson learned? My prayers, that my daughter be safe and warm, were answered. The fear was mine... generated entirely by MY mind in MY head. I did it to myself.
Hard way to learn the lesson - but today I know that I NEED to clamp down on those stupid thoughts IMMEDIATELY. I don't allow myself to "wonder" what my kid is doing... I get busy doing something else... I watch a movie, I visit and Alanon friend, I take a couple of tylenol PM and I pray a lot.
Getting rid of my fears... truly accepting that my addict has a PATH (one that is defined, with a beginning a middle and a goal) helps me understand that it is not MY path, not MY goals, not MY decision.
Hope this helps....(((hugs))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Exton, Pa
Posts: 75
Originally Posted by codeinewife
Are you still going to the IOP meetings (is that the right term?)? Are you going to other meetings for you?
(((hugs)))
(((hugs)))
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Adding some hugs to all the wise words here. Anger is part of the grieving process and I imagine you are grieving what was and what you had hoped could be. Unfortunatley as I learned here, the only way past the pain is to walk through it. In the end, that journey really does bring the wonderful things Peaceteach mentions Hugs
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Another tool that helps me with the anger is journaling... just writing out all the fears, the what-if's, the if-onlys... the anger, the fear, the worries, the pain....write until your arm can't write anymore.
I've sometimes burned the pages afterward - to give the problems up to my Higher Power.... it feels good, and is another way to "let go" of the anger.
Wishing you the best.
I've sometimes burned the pages afterward - to give the problems up to my Higher Power.... it feels good, and is another way to "let go" of the anger.
Wishing you the best.
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