unsub

i cant find a single reason to stay sober. i am 29, male, live on my own. have no friends or family, dont need to work because i inherited 500k. live in a 1 bed apt by myself and never leave except to buy vodka from the drug store and go grocery shopping once a month. been doing this since 2000.

i decided to try quiting in 2006 because i got bored of my routine and wanted some change. i quit smoking, quit fast food, quit caffeine, no problem. longest i've been sober since then was 6 months and it was a miserable time. i realized that alcohol is really the only thing that makes me happy and gives me something to look forward to every day. it gives me a reason to wake up and enjoy life.

i know that many people have reasons to quit like like kids and family and religion, but for people like me without those things why should i keep up sobriety when it is torturous? the only thing reasonable i can think of is for health reasons, i know my lifespan will be cut short if i continue drinking but it doesnt bother me at all.

i just bought a bottle of vodka and consumed it after 1 week of sobriety and cant see why i keep trying to stay sober all this time.

Ananda

I consider myself to be somewhat of a loner and often thought of doing what you are doing if I inherited a lot of money.

What I didn't realize at that time was that I was missing out on a whole world of relationship and enjoyable things that I like to do.

I couldn't see that when i was right in the middle of drinking...but i see it now.

There is something out there (and it seems to be different for everyone) that will add something to life better than the oblivian of drinking.

alchoholism is actually a very painful way to die. I had pancreatitse and was really misserably sick for at least 4 years at the end of my drinking. At the point that I quit I just couldn't stand dieing that painfully or worse yet living like that forever.

Horselover

Hi Unsub -

It does not sound like you have a very happy life. I think drinking only isolates us more from happiness.

Sorry about the previous post. I came off way too Holier than thou.

Welcome to SR. I hope and pray it helps you find the answers you seek. God bless.

Dee74

for once - I'm speechless.

Hope you find a reason.
D

Done_With_It

If you are enjoying life so much, what drove you to find a 'Recovery Board' for alcoholics?
There must be something in you that wants something different?

I used to say the same thing when I was doing meth... Yet something drove me to find SR and get sober...

Think of all you could do with the money, time and energy you put into drinking...

Rusty Zipper

i'm not aunt dee...

unsub well, you already have no friends, or family... wad'a ya gunna do when the moolah runs out?

good wishes sub

rz

flgirl

Hi unsub,

I am a newcomer here. Perhaps if you stick around and explore the site you might find a reason to stop. I wish you well.

Katecan

Welcome to SR unsub. I too hope you find a reason. There is so much to see and do beyond just some walls of a building.

bigredme

You are right. If you like they way your life is...keep drinking. It's your life. However, if your drunk behind hit's MY car rest assured I WILL OWN YOU. You might even need to get a job and contribute something to the world. Oh, and you may want to think about that sooner rather than later. $500 K is not gonna last a 29 year-old until retirement age. You'll be lucky to make it til 39 on that little bit of money. good luck my friend.
bigred

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

Depression is why I decided to quit and join AA.
You might be suffering from depression and self medicating.

Please have an honest talk with your doctor...
an addiction specialist would be ideal.

As you do not have to work...have you conisdered
volunteering with a group to help others or animals?

Out the door and into action.
Life is waiting to be explored...

serenityqueen

I truly cannot imagine being happy, sitting alone in my apt., having the walls closing in on me. Looking forward to getting sick, falling over funiture, puking up what I may have managed to choke down, showering only because I can't stand the smell of myself anymore. . . . .

When you quit drinking in the past, if you isolated in your apt. like you are now, sure, you're going to be miserable. There is no joy or happiness found just by removing alcohol from your life. Anyone can do that. The alcohol is merely a symptom of something greater that is bothering you.

It's being able to have the friends that obviously you are seeking out by posting on here. . . . looking forward to waking up not passing out . . . worshipping something other than the bottle and the porcelain God . . . smiling when you hear a child laugh . . . liking who you see in the mirror rather than angrily throwing something at it when you see your own reflection . . . .

I can feel your pain as you are struggling to reach out to someone . . .anyone.

How can I be so bold as to say this? I was you .

I'll Pray for your wall to crumble soon so you can reach out like you seem to want to do but just can't let yourself.

You can be happy.

God Bless,
Judy

thisisnotmylife

You may not have friends and family and children now but you are much more likely to find them and keep them if you are sober.
Maybe you could find some happiness by giving time and money to others. There are so many charitable things out there maybe one of them would fit you. Local food banks, homeless shelters, etc.
Do you have any goals or dreams???

Last thing anyone would want for themselves is to waist their time and money and die alone. That can't possible be what you want. I pray you find the strength to stay sober. I believe evryone has potential to be someone- don't waist your potential use it!!!

mle-sober

Hi Unsub,

I'm glad you posted. Your chosen "name" is kind of interesting being that it means, "Unknown Subject of an Investigation" and you are asking us an obvious question. I wonder if, more than answering your question, you want us to figure out who you are? Any answer to the question you pose has to incorporate a better understanding of who you are than what you provided.

Sometimes when I'm thinking about my own actions and motivations, I imagine myself as a character in a novel or a movie. In your situation, any character who has been living alone for at least 8 years with no friends or family and whose life is dictated by a daily trip to the liquor store and a monthly trip to the grocery store would have to be a terribly sad character. You really couldn't get to that place without being filled with tremendous sadness. If what you say is true, you have no one who cares about you, you have nothing you enjoy doing besides drinking and you are ferociously avoiding the things in life that might challenge you and bring you pleasure. People who avoid pleasure usually are filled with self-loathing, in my experience. (Yes, I do have some experience on this topic and yes, it's personal.)

The worst part of recovery is the initial terrifying leap into the unknown.

The best part of recovery is the living afterward.

It sounds to me like you have a choice to NOT live your life and to let alcohol do it for you, or, to accept that there is going to be tremendous pain initially as you learn to live again. Sobriety is not just not drinking for 1 week. Sobriety is a process of recovery that involves your whole life and brings you back to life in a way that you can not really imagine at this point. I would hope that you would see your doctor as a first step to recovery.

Please keep reading and posting. I'm glad you're here.

With concern,
MLE

Rowan

I'm really glad that you found us and hope that by reading others' experiences here, you come to feel motivated to give sobriety a try. It can and will change your life if are you willing to take certain steps.

Daddio

Hey Unsub. Allow me to add my two-cents worth. HUH??? That's only about a pennys' worth, so hold on. If you ever hope to escape this miserable little existance that you have carved out for yourself then sobriety and recovery would be a good thing. If you wish to maintain your sky-is-falling world, then nothing I say will have an effect on you.

There is a whole world out there that is just waiting for you. What are your hobbies? There is something that you are bound to be passionate about. And with a half mil in the bank you can well afford to pursue any thing that you want. You have no friends, because you're drunk all the time, and because you choose not to have any. I don't know why you would not have any family left on the planet.

Life is all about choices. They shape who and what we are. We aren't predestined. Go talk to a Doctor and figure out why that is so. He might even help you with your alcoholism.

Good luck and welcome to SR.

miss communicat

please, give us a reason to give you a reason to be sober.

1963comet

I agree with CarolD that you might have depression. I'm not a doctor but you seem really down. Alcohol is a depressent and if you are already down it could make it worse.

You might try leaving the drink alone for a while to see if that is what is causing it. Just an idea and trying to help.

Katecan

We all do care here about you unsub because we can see a little of ourselves in you. New friends are in for the taking for you right here. Just something to think about.

God Bless

least

I didn't like my drinking life, that's why I decided to try hard to get and stay sober. I was questioning my existance and when I start looking that hard at something I know there must be a reason.

I hope you find your reason, and perhaps also, your answer.

unsub

i found this forum because it was the most populated anti-alcohol forum i found, and i lurked here when i wanted to quit drinking and many posts here helped me abstain for many days, weeks, and months. but at the end i always go back to my habit because i can always rationalize my behavior like i am doing now.