nicsey

So at this point i guess i'm not really sure to begin, i mean how do i even know if i have an addiction? am i just making this up and there's really nothing wrong w/ me at all? is it normal to be scared?

Katecan

Welcome to SR nicsey. Only you can answer that question. I took this test at the link below and answered it honestly. It gave me my answer. Glad your here. And it's completely normal to be scared.

Alcoholics Anonymous :

Aysha

Last Call

Quit drinking for a month. If you spend the whole month obsessing about not drinking, find it difficult to make it a month, have withdrawal issues, you probably have a problem. If the very thought of not drinking for a month fills you with anxiety, you have your answer...

What brought you here?

Good Luck

Tazman53

I think steam made the million dollar statement:

Take the quiz honestly that Kate provided the link to.

One sign I had that indicated to me that I was an alcoholic is I was scared to death to think about how I would live life sober!!!!

What I have discovered is that now that I am sober I can live life, when I was drinking I was not living, I was existing!

PrimalScream

Hi nicsey, I felt (and sometimes feel) the same way as you. I had (have) a hard time thinking of myself as an alcoholic/addict because I never saw myself as bad off as a lot of people I consider alcoholic/addicts. I only really drank and got high on weekends so I thought I had everything under control. What I am finding now though is I was kidding myself into thinking I had control. I was caught in a cycle of getting messed up all weekend and detoxing most of the rest of the week. So basically I really didn't have anytime to think of doing anything other than getting bombed or recovering from getting bombed. It really kind of sucked. I am only on my 12th day clean and sober but I feel like a giddy little kid who just got out of school for the summer (I'm 41 by the way). I can now do things I only dreamed of while I was getting drunk every weekend...I'm having a lot more fun now. All this being said, I guess you will have to decide if you like your present circumstance enough to stay in it (but by posting on this board I'm betting you are not all that happy with it) or if you want to dump the alcohol and drugs and try something else. Good luck!!

Ananda

It seems very normal to be scared....but you are brave to post anyway. Reading some of the posts may help you to see that there is hope and relieve some of that fear.

This disease is not catching, but sobriety sometimes is!

nicsey

Thank you to all who replied to my post. i have come to terms with my addiction and i now KNOW for SURE that i am an addict. i am addicted to opiats...vicodin, percocet, oxycontin, demerol, and morphine...when i try to come off of them i get so sick and light headed and the migraines are killer. i don't take that much, but i have been addicted for about 3 years now. i feel like i can't live a day without it. i am a bill collector and it helps me push for the payments. it's the most amazing feeling in the world and i never want to be without it...however the places that i have been going to get it are now realizing i am an addict and are less apt to give it to me...this is forcing me to sobriety...now what do i do?

Daddio

Hey nicsey. I have not had any experience with trying to get off of meds - only alcohol. I would, however, strongly suggest that you get to a doctor and be brutally honest about you usage. Let him/her help get you on a program to come down off of the drugs you are on. you may need to go in some place so that they can medically monitor you while you detox. And please do it soon, like tomorrow soon. You can continue collecting bills when you straighten up.

DagHammarskjold

There's a set of criteria that I found helpful, in the chapter to agnostics in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I like this excerpt because it points to the issues that might sometimes be overshadowed by using. Can you relate to any of these?

nicsey

[QUOTE=DagHammarskjold;1784001]There's a set of criteria that I found helpful, in the chapter to agnostics in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I like this excerpt because it points to the issues that might sometimes be overshadowed by using. Can you relate to any of these?[/QUOTE

i can definitely relate to this. my girlfriend just broke up with me because of my addiction. i think a part of it was coming to terms with the fact that i was gay. my mom and dad shunned me from their lives and now 3 years later they want to be a part of it. i guess the damage is already done. i haven't exactly had the easiest life. i was raped at 4 by both of my brothers (not at the same time..one raped me and then shortly after the other one did), 15 my grandfather died...him and my grandmother raised me because my parents were too busy being alcoholics to realize they had 5 children to take care of, 16 i was kicked out and forced to live with my abusive boyfriend, 18 my parents divorced, 19 i came out of the closet and my mom married this ******* who told me that "slobs sleep downstairs" while his daughter got my room and son got my sisters and at that point i was forced to be homeless...on and off throughout my life until i turned 13 my dad would sexually molest and sometimes rape me. i'm not trying to make excuses for my addiction because frankly there isn't one. i chose to do it. i wanted to feel good about my life and look forward to something everyday that would make me happy. i used to be a cutter...from the age of 13 until 18 and when i started using i stopped cutting. sure cutting made me feel good...but not like a good oc would...i can't take back the past...i can't even go back and fix it..,but it's gotten the best of me...that and my agorophobia...so where does this leave me? all alone...and i'm afraid if i take the opiat out of my life there will be nothing left...just and empty body...

Honu

Oh, nicsey, there is so much more than an empty body. You are alive, and you have a God-given right to be happy. It's very sad that you had to endure what you did, but, you know what? YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!!! YOU'RE STILL HERE!!!

You can do it! Do you have a therapist? That might help with the issues. Other than that, getting the drugs out of your system will not only make you feel physically better, but, emotionally, as well!

We never know why things happen to us. It seems that all of us, at some point in our lives, get thrown under the bus by the very people who are supposed to be our protectors. Sometimes God can put us in a prison of sorts, just to set us free.

Keep your head up! You have much to be proud of. You are here, you are asking for help, you know what you need to do. Stay with us! Keep posting and keep reading.

Prayers going out for you!

Honu:praying

least

THe suggestion about seeing your doctor pronto and possibly in or out patient treatment and/or detox, those were good. I would urge you to call your doctor and, as was said, be honest with him/her about your addiction and your wish to be clean and sober.

YOu said your gf broke up with you cause of your addiction. Well when I was drinking I was wrecking my life, my health, and the lives of those I love. My life isn't perfect and is still sort of a mess, but at least I can think straight and my daughter is talking to me again.

Being clean and sober is worth it. Just take it one day at a time. You can do this. You are worth it!!:ghug3

nicsey

thank you for the prayers and the words of encouragement. i'm sorry to make this about me and i'm sorry that i sound selfish. you all are important too and i hope that you know that you have made a difference in my life even in the short paragraphs that you are able to write. it feels good to know that i am not alone in this long journey to sobriety. it feels good to know that someone out there cares and i though i may not know you, i care about you too. i want to be like you, all of you. i want to be posting to someone like myself saying those exact words. you all are very kind and i hope that i can find it within to be as strong as you. it feels so good to not be judged and know that you were once in my place...whether it was yesterday or years ago...you know the addiction process and you know even better the process that which takes you to sobriety. its funny, you don't always remember the first drink or the first pill that brought u ur addiction...but you always remember the first day you didn't have it!