How am I going to do this?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
How am I going to do this?
Just got a call from AD. She asked me if I could watch kids for 45 days! She shop lifted from grocery store. And she was sentenced yesterday. She got 3 months so I am thinking she thinks she will only serve half. She says she has paper work fillled out for work release and is going to see about house arrest. Already my stomack is in knots. I had gk's last Sun. was only suppose to be for a couple hours in turned into 12 and it about killed me. I feel that I have no choice in this. Where else will the kids go? I am the only stable person in their lives. But I am not sure if I will make it for that long. My mind is racing a mile a minute trying to figure how I can manage things. She goes in this coming Tues. at 8 at nite. What blows me away is that drug dealers here get a 3 to 5 years with all but 30 suspended. Not that a crime is not a crime. I am just mad that I am being forced into this position. I cannot let my gk's be put into SS.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
(((Painter)))
You have nearly a week. Stop, slow down for a minute, and take no action this minute. Give yourself some time to digest this situation and get back some control in YOUR life.
This is your AD's problem. How can you allow her to suffer the consequences of this situation? It seems a little too easy to me for your daughter. She gets in trouble, Mom will take care of the kids, no problem, no fear felt, no pain felt.
I think for today I would put this back on her shoulders (keeping in mind that you can always change your mind). Let her think of some solutions. Let her know that this is what happens when mommies commit crimes--they lose their children. Very serious business, this addiction.
If they go into SS. This could be the start of social services getting involved, which may not be a bad thing. They could force treatment more than you can. Perhaps HP is TRYING to work here, and doesn't want anyone to get in his way?
Now for you. If you decide to say yes, could the kids go to a sitter/day care during the day and then stay with you at night? Where do they normally go when daughter is at work?
You have nearly a week. Stop, slow down for a minute, and take no action this minute. Give yourself some time to digest this situation and get back some control in YOUR life.
This is your AD's problem. How can you allow her to suffer the consequences of this situation? It seems a little too easy to me for your daughter. She gets in trouble, Mom will take care of the kids, no problem, no fear felt, no pain felt.
I think for today I would put this back on her shoulders (keeping in mind that you can always change your mind). Let her think of some solutions. Let her know that this is what happens when mommies commit crimes--they lose their children. Very serious business, this addiction.
If they go into SS. This could be the start of social services getting involved, which may not be a bad thing. They could force treatment more than you can. Perhaps HP is TRYING to work here, and doesn't want anyone to get in his way?
Now for you. If you decide to say yes, could the kids go to a sitter/day care during the day and then stay with you at night? Where do they normally go when daughter is at work?
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Painter
OMG, I don't know what I would do in your situation. Afterall, it's not the kids' fault is it? They need to be protected! They need to have a safe environment!
Wow! I'm sure Peachtree is right, but you'd have to be someone stronger than me to say no to that.
It would be quite a "jolt" to your daughter though if you did say "NO" Could you call SS and see what happens if they go there. I mean, anonymously?
I know me, I'd end up doing it! However, it infuriates me to know that our kids put us in these positions!
Hugs, Devastated
Wow! I'm sure Peachtree is right, but you'd have to be someone stronger than me to say no to that.
It would be quite a "jolt" to your daughter though if you did say "NO" Could you call SS and see what happens if they go there. I mean, anonymously?
I know me, I'd end up doing it! However, it infuriates me to know that our kids put us in these positions!
Hugs, Devastated
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Hugs to you grandmom as you figure this "between a rock and a hard place" situation out.
If you've made up your mind to take the gk-s , you can only do the best that you can.
Enjoy this time with them Some day you may very well look back on it and be grateful you had them and the closeness it brought. You didn't say how old they are, but if you set expectations for the kids, can they be helpful with chores and picking up after themselves?
If you've made up your mind to take the gk-s , you can only do the best that you can.
Enjoy this time with them Some day you may very well look back on it and be grateful you had them and the closeness it brought. You didn't say how old they are, but if you set expectations for the kids, can they be helpful with chores and picking up after themselves?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
peaceteach--yes that would be a choice, to make ad suffer her choices. But these children did not choose. They need a safe, secure loving home. I don't feel that I could send my blood to strangers.
devasted-- yes, I have steped back and for the hundrednt time given it up to God. I have calmed down somewhat and am giving it time to see where this will take me. It either will kill me or make me stronger.
Spiritual Seeker--I am thinking that after a time the gk's will get on daily pattern. They have none now. They are 4 and 3. I have to let go and let God. Already I have had my best friend till me to turn them over to SS. When I asked if she would let her grand daughter go into the system she said no. Then how can I ?
Thank you for listening and talking.
devasted-- yes, I have steped back and for the hundrednt time given it up to God. I have calmed down somewhat and am giving it time to see where this will take me. It either will kill me or make me stronger.
Spiritual Seeker--I am thinking that after a time the gk's will get on daily pattern. They have none now. They are 4 and 3. I have to let go and let God. Already I have had my best friend till me to turn them over to SS. When I asked if she would let her grand daughter go into the system she said no. Then how can I ?
Thank you for listening and talking.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((Painter))))
My heart hurts for you, for being placed in this dilemma, and yes, I agree, although I don't have grandchildren as of yet, I could not place them with S.S. or foster care. No, I couldn't do it.
Just a few questions, here.
Do you have anyone who can help you out?
Someone who can come in if you need a rest period?
How about daycare? Do they attend now? Can you enroll them if they're not attending? (that could give you a breather)
Hugs to you,
My heart hurts for you, for being placed in this dilemma, and yes, I agree, although I don't have grandchildren as of yet, I could not place them with S.S. or foster care. No, I couldn't do it.
Just a few questions, here.
Do you have anyone who can help you out?
Someone who can come in if you need a rest period?
How about daycare? Do they attend now? Can you enroll them if they're not attending? (that could give you a breather)
Hugs to you,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Painter)))
I'm hoping that this works out and you can find some help to take care of the gk's. I agree that it's not your problem, but the kids shouldn't suffer and I'm glad they have you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm hoping that this works out and you can find some help to take care of the gk's. I agree that it's not your problem, but the kids shouldn't suffer and I'm glad they have you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi Painter, This is a situation that instills instant panic but just think about it for a minute. Those little kids need a stable enviorment right now. Whenever I'm down about my son and his cocaine dealings I run straight for my 4 grandsons....ages 1-10. They are so loving and help me get a gripe on what lifes really about. This might not be as bad as you think once a routine is started....If I lived by you I'd be the first to call to help you out!!!!!!! so maybe friends will offer . Hugs, Bonnie
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: raytown,mo
Posts: 107
My daughter got with a man that was an addict. They had 2 babies. My grandsons mostly lived with us. I got tired of what they were putting the boys thur. No lights, heat,ect. The boys were only 2 and 1. Finally, for the 50th time we told them to come home. I kicked the father out. My daughter left right behind him. I keep the babies. After months go by no word from their parents. I turned them in to SRS.
The reason I say all this is getting the grandkids back won't be as easy as you would think. My ex and I had to be cleared by the FBI, and SRS in both Missouri and Kansas. The court dates never seem to stop. Vistation was hell. Everytime we left my oldest grandson would cry, telling me Nanna, I love you. I want to come home. I promise I'll be good. It broke our hearts. My ex is a strong man but he would barely make to the truck before he'd break down sobbing. It couldn't have been any worse for us if they had taking our own kids. We were the boys safe harbor.
I'm leaving alot out because it would take pages to recount all of if. We ended up having the boys for 6 months. Of course, no support from the parents. It was hard but there is not one day I regret.
The reason I say all this is getting the grandkids back won't be as easy as you would think. My ex and I had to be cleared by the FBI, and SRS in both Missouri and Kansas. The court dates never seem to stop. Vistation was hell. Everytime we left my oldest grandson would cry, telling me Nanna, I love you. I want to come home. I promise I'll be good. It broke our hearts. My ex is a strong man but he would barely make to the truck before he'd break down sobbing. It couldn't have been any worse for us if they had taking our own kids. We were the boys safe harbor.
I'm leaving alot out because it would take pages to recount all of if. We ended up having the boys for 6 months. Of course, no support from the parents. It was hard but there is not one day I regret.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
Painter, if you decide you're going to look after the children, check first what the procedures are where you live.
I look after my nephew, aparently its called a private family agreement, which means social services here dont give me any help whatsoever, financially or otherwise. However if I'd held out for a while longer and my nephew had to be removed from his home, or he'd been placed with me on an emergency order, for example if his dad was going to prison, I would have had access to lots of practical help and some financial help too. As it is I'm basically on my own.
I don't know how social services work where you are, I'm in the UK, but here if theres only one parent and they are in prison ss are under obligation to place the children with family where possible (and pay and support them)
I wouldn't change anything about our situation, but little things like cash would make it easier, it's worth looking into before you make a decision.
I look after my nephew, aparently its called a private family agreement, which means social services here dont give me any help whatsoever, financially or otherwise. However if I'd held out for a while longer and my nephew had to be removed from his home, or he'd been placed with me on an emergency order, for example if his dad was going to prison, I would have had access to lots of practical help and some financial help too. As it is I'm basically on my own.
I don't know how social services work where you are, I'm in the UK, but here if theres only one parent and they are in prison ss are under obligation to place the children with family where possible (and pay and support them)
I wouldn't change anything about our situation, but little things like cash would make it easier, it's worth looking into before you make a decision.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 123
you didnt mention your age, but i know god doesnt give us anyhting we cant handle, i would check out your chuirch see what they can help with, are thier any other family memebers who would help out? too bad you couldnt get guardianship over them so you could get some finacial help with the children...
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