Trust
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 62
Trust
How do all of you start trusting? My brother has been on/off drugs for a number of years and only just recently left his teens 
He just went through a terrible withdrawl of doctor-prescribed pain medicine (how he got prescribed this stuff, I will never understand). His friends and on-off GF are absolutely no help and will drag him down, guaranteed.
He SAYS he's going to NA meetings. His withdrawl was absolutely horrible for everyone in my family (this drug is supposed to have a heroin-like withdrawl effects) and he says he's learned from it and doesn't want to go through taht again. He's had court date after court date and none of us are ever sure when/if his legal troubles will be over. Sometimes I think jail would be better, because he'd be safe. He has "off" days where he seems spaced out - but is this part of the healing process, or because of his sleeping pills?
I just can't trust anything he does, and neither can my family. He lives with my parents and has no source of income other than their bits of money here and there. He looks better and sounds better but I always have this nagging feeling that if I relax and start to believe he's doing better, I'll be dissapointed. It's like leaping off of a huge cliff - I'm afraid to let go of my stress and anxiety because I think if I let my guard down, that's when things will go bad.
I guess at what "point" can I start to trust him? Can I ever believe a word he says again? I've heard that he'll always be an addict. Do I always need to be on edge? He's my little brother, and I love him lots. This is destroying me to see him like this, I wish I could just hug him and have everything be OK
He just went through a terrible withdrawl of doctor-prescribed pain medicine (how he got prescribed this stuff, I will never understand). His friends and on-off GF are absolutely no help and will drag him down, guaranteed.
He SAYS he's going to NA meetings. His withdrawl was absolutely horrible for everyone in my family (this drug is supposed to have a heroin-like withdrawl effects) and he says he's learned from it and doesn't want to go through taht again. He's had court date after court date and none of us are ever sure when/if his legal troubles will be over. Sometimes I think jail would be better, because he'd be safe. He has "off" days where he seems spaced out - but is this part of the healing process, or because of his sleeping pills?
I just can't trust anything he does, and neither can my family. He lives with my parents and has no source of income other than their bits of money here and there. He looks better and sounds better but I always have this nagging feeling that if I relax and start to believe he's doing better, I'll be dissapointed. It's like leaping off of a huge cliff - I'm afraid to let go of my stress and anxiety because I think if I let my guard down, that's when things will go bad.
I guess at what "point" can I start to trust him? Can I ever believe a word he says again? I've heard that he'll always be an addict. Do I always need to be on edge? He's my little brother, and I love him lots. This is destroying me to see him like this, I wish I could just hug him and have everything be OK
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Recovery is a Process, Not an Event
. . . therefore, yes he will always be an addict, but he doesn't always have to be active in his addiction. He has a disease that, just like Cancer, can be put into remission.
I am also someone's little Sister. Just like it took a while to destroy that trust, it took awhile for my Brother to trust me and believe me again.
The worst thing for me was when my Family just sat back waiting for me to screw up again. I had been in and out of Recovery for 25 years. Each time I got Clean and Sober, I would happily share it with my Brother as well as the rest of the Family. Most of their responses were always the same, "Well, we'll see, we've heard this before." And when things got a little tough, I heard these words in the back of my mind and think to myself,"Well, I might as well get high again, no one believes me anyway."
Please support your Brother in his Recovery, but don't enable him. There are support groups available for the Families as well as the addict/alcoholic. Alanon is about the largest group out there. There is Naranon, but from my understanding, the meetings are harder to find than Alanon. As you mentioned, addiction is a family disease. These Programs are for you, a Family Member. It will help you to deal with your feelings regarding your Brother's addiction.
I hope you'll continue to read other threads in the Friends and Family Forum and post as often as you like. That's why we're here.
God Bless,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Cloud 9
Posts: 778
Trust doesn't just come back !00%. At least not for me. My daughter has been clean for 12 months and I am very proud of her. The trust came little by little. She earned it, not just by talk, but by her actions. I only have one issue left. She does not have a house key. My other 3 do. (2 of which are steps) They don't need it for laundry anymore, but it has come in handy for them. My youngest daughter is in college & comes home to do laundry & if she needs a break from her roommate ect. But my RAD still doesn't have one. She too needs to do laundry on occasion. but it is when we will be around. She has never made a big issue out of it. She actually gets it. One time she asked, why she was the only one w/o a key. I said she was the only one who was a drug addict. She said fair enough. I have thought about giving her one again. But I am not 100% there yet. A small part b/c of her past, & another part b/c she has brought over people from rehab, who don't have alot of clean time yet. They are welcome in my home, but only when I am there. Could they still take things? Sure, but just not quite as easliy.
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