I'm just wondering... Money in hand or head?

Old 05-19-2008, 07:11 PM
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I'm just wondering... Money in hand or head?

I'm just wondering. Who has had experience with this...

As you all know - June 2nd is our "new" drop dead date! I am still trying to keep myself reigned in from getting too excited about a smaller space, etc.

My question is, in this position, have any of you experienced your A's taking this to the wire, just to find out they didn't have what they said?

I'm looking at houses this week, I've been looking, and I still have this nagging feeling it's all going to fall through. Is this just habit now, do I just not believe him because it's finally gotten through my thick skull not to believe him?

Obviously the real answer will be on the 2nd, I realize this. In the meantime, I am having my friend and realtor look up stuff, we are both spending all this time, and I'm just wondering, would he really be soooooo insistent that he's able to do this and then not really be able to?

This is where I get stuck. I know to wait for his actions, and obviously until the 2nd he doesn't have to prove any action. But, it seems so ludicrous to me that he would continue going forward as if, if he really doesn't.

???

I really don't like this no man's land. If I told someone I could buy them out, it would be a fact. Then there's that part of me that has learned over all these months that I'm NOT dealing with "normal", but does that necessarily mean I'm not dealing with fact? And, are they sooo gone they can't read their own bank statements or tax returns?

I guess the question is, how far do their self-delusions take them? This far?

Sorry, I know I sound confused. I feel like I sound like an idiot. I really just cannot fathom that he's saying one thing when it comes to this and reality is the other, but I think I realize that it's possible and I'm just checking to see if I'm right in this?

How sane do I sound tonight?

:ghug2
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Old 05-19-2008, 09:24 PM
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:ghug3

CW, I'm sorry you don't feel sane right now, but you quite definitely are sane! You're NOT crazy, but have been dealing with a crazy situation.

You have been dealing with this "alternate reality" for too long, long before you even knew what the true problem was, and that would be tough for anyone to deal with. You are doing exactly what you need to do. Try to let your lawyer worry about the rest. I know it must be very difficult to do, but June 2 is coming up fast!

As far as he's concerned, you said he is a mechanic with his own shop. Is it a successful shop? My thoughts on this are he probably has what he says he does, not because I think he's honest, but that he has things at stake too, doesn't he? I remember you sharing how self-centered he is. Is he self-centered enough to take care of his own financial affairs? Whatever the case may be, you need to keep focused on you. The rest will eventually work out, one way or another, but no matter what, he will be out of your life. Then you can safely stay on Planet Earth.
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Old 05-20-2008, 06:11 AM
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Originally Posted by codeinewife View Post
I'm just wondering. Who has had experience with this....
I guess the question is, how far do their self-delusions take them? This far?
Hi,
I haven't posted much lately; I am almost 15 months into a divorce and settlement with my exh. Our stories are very similar. It is me that responded to your thread about NPD. I believe my ex also has a personality disorder.

To answer your questions, and I don't mean to be a bummer here, but my exh just keeps changing the rules anytime we get anywhere close to settling on our home. It is now sitting empty.

Last October, after tiring of listening to his whining about how it is his house and he should get to keep it (regardless of our almost 26-year marriage with three kids, one of whom is only 11), I decided to let it go. I had it appraised, took the appraisal and the mortgage papers to mediation, all the while thinking he was going to buy me out. The judge presented him with my equity and he said, "sell it".

It was supposed to go on the market on January 1, but he keeps finding reasons not to sign the listing agreement. Everytime I do something that will supposedly take care of his issues, he moves the bar. So I am not doing another thing, paying another bill, nothing, until he does what he says he will do. I have already moved out; he is still restrained from the property. It is a beautiful home and several people are waiting to look at it. He is trying to bankrupt me so I will take whatever crumbs he decides to throw at me. Not happening.

In a nutshell, I would go ahead and be looking for something, but be very careful about believing anything he says until it actually happens. I think it is their way of retaining (in their own minds) some sort of control over us.
Don't expect sane behavior from a man with a personality disorder, or an addict. Their brains are not wired right.....
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Old 05-20-2008, 08:00 AM
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Breathe and let it happen. I know it would make me nuts too, but think about all you have come through so far. Hopefully, just a few more days... go easy.
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