Feeling Helpless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6
Feeling Helpless
Hi all, I am new here and am hoping to get some good advice. I am not an addict but am married to a recovering addict and alcoholic. I also have a son that is an active user. I have tried everything that I can possibly try to help him but to no avail. I have lost my son to drugs and am afraid I am going to lose him completely. I have tried talking to him, begging him to get help and it does no good. I pray every minute of the day and it is just getting worse. He is taking anything he can get his hands on and he says he knows what he is doing. He is out of control and I do not know what to do. I know there is a saying that you cannot help someone that does not want help, but I do not want to lose my child. I also know they say a person has to hit rock bottom, but his rock bottom will be death if something does not change soon. I am scared and do not know waht to do or where to turn. My husband is of no help to me as he says it is not his problem. I need people I can talk to. Any advice you have to offer is greatly appreciated.:praying
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
I have no words or wisdom to offer only prayers and hugs to you.
Other parents will be along who are walking this road with you.
In the meantime, welcome, I'm sorry for what you are going through, I truly am.
Other parents will be along who are walking this road with you.
In the meantime, welcome, I'm sorry for what you are going through, I truly am.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
(((((HUGS)))) I am glad you found us, but sorry that it is under these circumstances. I can "hear" the pain in your post. I don't think any parent should have to watch their child hurting themselves.
I just wanted to send hugs to you tonight and to let you know you are not alone here...there are many who will be able to offer words of wisdom and support.
I just wanted to send hugs to you tonight and to let you know you are not alone here...there are many who will be able to offer words of wisdom and support.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by angeleyez42 
My husband is of no help to me as he says it is not his problem.
As people show up that have been in your shoes, they will reply with what has worked for them.
Your not alone any more.
As for what your husband said... Well that is a truth of sorts.
It is your son's problem and only he can fix it. You can't, I can't, only he can.
What we can do is point him in the right direction for answers.
Does he live in your house? If so...time for some strong boundaries.
We can't stop them but we don't need make it easy for them to continue where we have a choice.
Look at the top of the forum. You will see threads that say "sticky" beside them. They are filled with a lot of great info that can help you greatly.
Be sure to read them.
:praying
and continue to pray. God's hands are bigger then mine. He can handle such things a lot better then you or me can.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
A Mom welcomes you here.
You did'nt mention if your son is a minor or an adult and whether or not he lives with you. Of course, if he is a minor you can and must stay engaged in getting him treatment.
If he is an adult, you really are powerless (to a point).
For starters have you been going to Al-anon? See if there is a mtg. in your area with "parent focus" like the one I have attended for 5 yrs. There will be many there to relate to.
Secondly, don't give up on your son. I stayed connected to my son even when it was mostly one-sided. I even went to a city once and found him and his crack and heroin use was as bad as I suspected. Three times I have been able to get him to agree to rehab. It often takes several rehabs when they're young. My son is almost 24 now. Today he just completed 12 weeks of a one-year program today. I always reminded him that he needed treatment. I always let him know that while his behav was unacceptable, that I would help him get the help he needed.
Treatment is not cheap. So this will prob. be my last financial investment in rehab. But addiction does steal our sons + daughters. It can be and is sometimes is fatal. My son said himself, before this treatment, that he doubted he'd live past 28. I have to believe in him until he can believe in himself. When their addiction is so bad that they will use anything they can get their hands on, they are lost.
There were times through the yrs. I had to detach from him. His addiction took the joy out of my own life if I was too focused on controlling it. Ea. time he has gone to treatment he had to hit a bottom, and I had to let him do it, because I had no choice.
But by staying connected he would listen to me at that point and take direction.
Best wishes to you as you learn to manage your own recovery since you have a husband and now son who suffer with addiction. It is important to keep focus on yourself. Keep the faith that your son will come to treatment and don't stop nudging him to do so. Stay connected, don't let him get lost.
You did'nt mention if your son is a minor or an adult and whether or not he lives with you. Of course, if he is a minor you can and must stay engaged in getting him treatment.
If he is an adult, you really are powerless (to a point).
For starters have you been going to Al-anon? See if there is a mtg. in your area with "parent focus" like the one I have attended for 5 yrs. There will be many there to relate to.
Secondly, don't give up on your son. I stayed connected to my son even when it was mostly one-sided. I even went to a city once and found him and his crack and heroin use was as bad as I suspected. Three times I have been able to get him to agree to rehab. It often takes several rehabs when they're young. My son is almost 24 now. Today he just completed 12 weeks of a one-year program today. I always reminded him that he needed treatment. I always let him know that while his behav was unacceptable, that I would help him get the help he needed.
Treatment is not cheap. So this will prob. be my last financial investment in rehab. But addiction does steal our sons + daughters. It can be and is sometimes is fatal. My son said himself, before this treatment, that he doubted he'd live past 28. I have to believe in him until he can believe in himself. When their addiction is so bad that they will use anything they can get their hands on, they are lost.
There were times through the yrs. I had to detach from him. His addiction took the joy out of my own life if I was too focused on controlling it. Ea. time he has gone to treatment he had to hit a bottom, and I had to let him do it, because I had no choice.
But by staying connected he would listen to me at that point and take direction.
Best wishes to you as you learn to manage your own recovery since you have a husband and now son who suffer with addiction. It is important to keep focus on yourself. Keep the faith that your son will come to treatment and don't stop nudging him to do so. Stay connected, don't let him get lost.
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