What am I supposed to do?
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 13
Hello. I'm the live in GF of a heroin addict. We've been living together for 7 years. Until now I didn't know squat about heroin. I've never been around it before. All I knew was what I'd seen in movies.
MY BF was not using when I met him. I don't think he used for the first 3 or 4 years. To be honest though I have no idea when he started. All I know is what he tells me and he's a liar. I'm so stupid about this kind of thing and it's easy for him to sneak and get over on me.
The background to this story is truly bizarre. Before he and I met I had been a big time party girl. I lived for the weekends and the clubs in Miami. I was a huge pot smoker and I had a real taste for EX. Then my Dad had a stroke and everything changed.
MY BF was not using when I met him. I don't think he used for the first 3 or 4 years. To be honest though I have no idea when he started. All I know is what he tells me and he's a liar. I'm so stupid about this kind of thing and it's easy for him to sneak and get over on me.
The background to this story is truly bizarre. Before he and I met I had been a big time party girl. I lived for the weekends and the clubs in Miami. I was a huge pot smoker and I had a real taste for EX. Then my Dad had a stroke and everything changed.
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Join Date: May 2008
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I'm an only child and I had to spend a month with him at the hospital. During that month I started having serious anxiety issues. I had a few panic attacks when I came home from the hospital at night. During that time pot started to make me really paranoid and I lost the desire to club and do EX. I've been clean for 7 years. I don't think that I was addicted to anything.
Just as Dad was getting out of the hospital I met my BF. I liked him instantly. We've not been apart since the day that we met. We have the strangest relationship. When all of that happened I ditched the club crowd that I had been running with. I had lost my job and was advised by attorneys to stay away from my old friends from work due to a huge legal mess that my old boss was in. Old employees were being drug into his mess. I was basically cut off from everyone that I knew before I met him.
Just as Dad was getting out of the hospital I met my BF. I liked him instantly. We've not been apart since the day that we met. We have the strangest relationship. When all of that happened I ditched the club crowd that I had been running with. I had lost my job and was advised by attorneys to stay away from my old friends from work due to a huge legal mess that my old boss was in. Old employees were being drug into his mess. I was basically cut off from everyone that I knew before I met him.
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My BF has a few friends. They are mostly losers and I want nothing to do with them. I've never liked them. When I say losers, that's exactly what I mean. Pathetic. I always asked my BF what in the hell he was doing with those people. I could never understand why he chose those people as friends. None of them are into heroin. He doesn't use with them.
My BF and I work together. We are self employed and we work from our home. We are isolated from others most of the time. It's just him and I. He WAS my best friend.
BF started using heroin when he was 18 or 19. He became addicted then. He says that he OD'd 3 times. He got off of it and stayed clean for 6 or 7 years, then he relapsed but cleaned up again real fast. He stayed clean for another 4 or 5 years. He got clean again after he OD'd again. He was clean again for 7 years. During this 7 years is when we met. Apparently, he started using a year and a half ago.
My BF and I work together. We are self employed and we work from our home. We are isolated from others most of the time. It's just him and I. He WAS my best friend.
BF started using heroin when he was 18 or 19. He became addicted then. He says that he OD'd 3 times. He got off of it and stayed clean for 6 or 7 years, then he relapsed but cleaned up again real fast. He stayed clean for another 4 or 5 years. He got clean again after he OD'd again. He was clean again for 7 years. During this 7 years is when we met. Apparently, he started using a year and a half ago.
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I had no idea that he was using. He would wait until I went to sleep. I would catch him nodding off at his desk but then again he NEVER went to bed. He has a sleep disorder. Sometimes he stays up for several days. I have to admit though that all of that nodding off really gave me the creeps. There was something seriously not right about it.
I had absolutely NO CLUE what he was doing. I thought that I was so sophisticated, LOL. After all, I was a Miami club girl. I'd seen it all. Holy crap, was I ever in for a rude awakening.
So HE SAYS (for whatever that's worth) that he started doing heroin in 07 but he stopped doing it on his own. I never knew. Then he started using and one day I got in his desk drawer and I found all of his needles and stuff. I flipped out. I got him on suboxone THE NEXT DAY. he was more than willing to do the suboxone program. he was off of heroin and healthy again within 12 weeks. He was DONE. I felt safe.
I had absolutely NO CLUE what he was doing. I thought that I was so sophisticated, LOL. After all, I was a Miami club girl. I'd seen it all. Holy crap, was I ever in for a rude awakening.
So HE SAYS (for whatever that's worth) that he started doing heroin in 07 but he stopped doing it on his own. I never knew. Then he started using and one day I got in his desk drawer and I found all of his needles and stuff. I flipped out. I got him on suboxone THE NEXT DAY. he was more than willing to do the suboxone program. he was off of heroin and healthy again within 12 weeks. He was DONE. I felt safe.
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He started sneaking around again and using about 8 months after suboxone. I had no idea. A few days ago I woke up and walked into the office and found him OD'd. I thought he was having a stroke. He WAS DYING and IT WAS SO HORRIBLE!!! He was white as a ghost and he couldn't talk. He was moaning and slumped back in his chair. It looked like a BAD STROKE!
I immediately thought of heroin but there was nothing in front of him. I thought that if it was heroin that I would have seen needles or something. I thought he was dying. I called 911 and the paramedics came to get him. I told the paramedics about heroin and they immediately started treating him for that. They gave him a shot of Narcan in the ambulance and they took him to the hospital. He came out of it in the ER and he left the hospital. He didn't stay for treatment. When we got home he gave me his needles and little bags of crap and I took it away and destroyed it.
That was 5/13.
I immediately thought of heroin but there was nothing in front of him. I thought that if it was heroin that I would have seen needles or something. I thought he was dying. I called 911 and the paramedics came to get him. I told the paramedics about heroin and they immediately started treating him for that. They gave him a shot of Narcan in the ambulance and they took him to the hospital. He came out of it in the ER and he left the hospital. He didn't stay for treatment. When we got home he gave me his needles and little bags of crap and I took it away and destroyed it.
That was 5/13.
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This morning at around 2:30 he told me that he was sick. As soon as he said that I knew. He's going into a withdraw. I yelled at him because if he was going to start withdrawing he should have done it days ago so I knew that he'd been using since the OD. (He told me that he kept 1 bag and had been nursing it for all these days since the hospital, that's probably a lie.) He thought that I had oxycodone that I had from a injury. Those pills made me sick so I never took them. (Unlike him I HATE the way that crap makes me feel.) I found the pills (which I had hidden) and flushed them down the toilet. He's mad about that. He even tried to tell me that I'm being mean to him and that those pills are not as bad as heroin. He told me that they would have helped him. He's full of crap.
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I'm angry. I told him to shut up and withdraw. I took the car keys and hid all the money and credit cards. He sitting in his chair in a blanket watching YouTube with a running nose. I don't care. I hope that he gets good and sick.
I'll stay with him until it's over and then I don't know what.
I'm SO FRIGGIN' ANGRY. He's a liar. I hate him right now.
I guess this huge post is basically all of the information. I may have left some small details out but not intentionally. I 'm telling you everything because I am so lost. I was no angel myself but this is over my head.
Tell me something wise. I'm all alone in this. I don't know what to do.
I'll stay with him until it's over and then I don't know what.
I'm SO FRIGGIN' ANGRY. He's a liar. I hate him right now.
I guess this huge post is basically all of the information. I may have left some small details out but not intentionally. I 'm telling you everything because I am so lost. I was no angel myself but this is over my head.
Tell me something wise. I'm all alone in this. I don't know what to do.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: punta gorda florida
Posts: 381
Hi..nice to meet you. We all do understand what you are going thru...Its been a little more than a year since my version of your story. Very wise to hide the credit cards. If you have joint checking, you may want to put what is yours in an account that he cannot access. Don't forget store credit cards[home depot comes to mind], addicts buy gift cards and sell them for less to get what they need. If you can get to a meeting, do it, I just said a prayer for you. You are not alone. I dont have many of the answers but this I know...You cannot trust an addict...PERIOD... Protect you, keep sane, keep coming back....
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((Miami)))
Glad you found us, and glad you're reaching out for some support. You could also try Naranon, or Alanon meetings, those help alot too.
As for everything else, it's hard to watch our loved ones in the throes of addiction. First off, I think you need, to think of YOU, educate yourself about addiction, and give yourself some time, and space to decide if this is want you want to live with for the future.
Because when we're dealing with addicts, we never know if they will use or not. We can hope and pray, but there's always that doubt, and when you lose your trust, it's hard to maintain a relationship built on lies.
Think sweetie, think.
Hugs to you,
and prayers for you, and your BF.
Glad you found us, and glad you're reaching out for some support. You could also try Naranon, or Alanon meetings, those help alot too.
As for everything else, it's hard to watch our loved ones in the throes of addiction. First off, I think you need, to think of YOU, educate yourself about addiction, and give yourself some time, and space to decide if this is want you want to live with for the future.
Because when we're dealing with addicts, we never know if they will use or not. We can hope and pray, but there's always that doubt, and when you lose your trust, it's hard to maintain a relationship built on lies.
Think sweetie, think.
Hugs to you,
and prayers for you, and your BF.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
The above is GREAT ADVICE!!!!! Take care of you.
With that being said I do need to warn you, if in fact he is withdrawing that there is no DOC available to him, then you will need to keep an eye on him and if it gets bad, call 911 again and get him to ER. Heroin withdrawals can be pretty bad, as bad as alcohol withdrawals, so.............................for YOUR OWN peace of mind, so you know you did everything you could, and will not be able to guilt yourself later, please keep an eye on him.
Other than that, please continue to post, vent, rant, rave, scream, cry, and yes even laugh once in a while at the stupidity of the alkies and addicts. We do care very much, and we are here for you.
Love and hugs,
With that being said I do need to warn you, if in fact he is withdrawing that there is no DOC available to him, then you will need to keep an eye on him and if it gets bad, call 911 again and get him to ER. Heroin withdrawals can be pretty bad, as bad as alcohol withdrawals, so.............................for YOUR OWN peace of mind, so you know you did everything you could, and will not be able to guilt yourself later, please keep an eye on him.
Other than that, please continue to post, vent, rant, rave, scream, cry, and yes even laugh once in a while at the stupidity of the alkies and addicts. We do care very much, and we are here for you.
Love and hugs,
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
Well so far I think you are handling things great. you are going to have to think of whether or not you are going to continue in this relationship. He has all the tools to be sober so there is absolutely nothing you can do to help him other than what impurrfect said and call 911 if he gets really bad.
treat all of the advice above like your "addiction for dummies guide book" If theres one thing I've learned coming here is "these people are wise, and so supportive"
good luck
treat all of the advice above like your "addiction for dummies guide book" If theres one thing I've learned coming here is "these people are wise, and so supportive"
good luck
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 13
He's OK. He's not feeling 100% but he's not sick, sick. I don't understand why not. I was expecting him to get sick like in the movie Trainspotting. He slept for 12 hours and fidgetted around a lot.
He's mad at me now. I think he's transferring anger at himself onto me. That just makes so much sense. God, but he's a dumbass. He's actually threatening to leave. That would just be the end of the world, right? lol.
How dare he get mad at me. I'm so incredibly sick of this.
He's mad at me now. I think he's transferring anger at himself onto me. That just makes so much sense. God, but he's a dumbass. He's actually threatening to leave. That would just be the end of the world, right? lol.
How dare he get mad at me. I'm so incredibly sick of this.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 13
You know, I do love this man. He's just so out of touch with reality. I resent so much when he makes me the bad guy. The stress of all of this has made me sick.
I wish that something would happen to him that would wake him up. Like the jolt that I got when my dad got sick. I was so worried and upset when that happened that it changed me. It made me grow up and I quit using drugs and acting like a adolescent. I wish that my BF would have an experience that would force him to grow up and be a man.
I wish that something would happen to him that would wake him up. Like the jolt that I got when my dad got sick. I was so worried and upset when that happened that it changed me. It made me grow up and I quit using drugs and acting like a adolescent. I wish that my BF would have an experience that would force him to grow up and be a man.
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