Why is it that when it rains it pours?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: La-La-Land
Posts: 50
Why is it that when it rains it pours?
Just when you think life can't throw anything else at you it does! I am facing so much right now with my AH legal issues this week. Monday he goes to court for disorderly conduct and Tuesday he has court for his 4th DUI!!! I am already planning on the worst and expecting jail time for him. You have no idea how horrible this is for me and my family. I live a very sheltered life in suberbia which is no excuse but this will rock my whole world. I knew my husbands past before we married (his previous 3 DUI's and was in jail for beating up a police officer during his last DUI) but somehow I thought this chaos would not happen with me.
So last week I posted asking if I should tell his family about all of his legal problems... I still have not said a word. But here is my problem.... I asked him if he is going to tell them and he told me NO! That when he goes to prison he is going to tell them that he is away for work- opening a business in another state. Now how crazy is that? He is facing at least 6 months in prison!!! And he expects me to lie to his family this entire time. Isn't that covering for him?
So last week I posted asking if I should tell his family about all of his legal problems... I still have not said a word. But here is my problem.... I asked him if he is going to tell them and he told me NO! That when he goes to prison he is going to tell them that he is away for work- opening a business in another state. Now how crazy is that? He is facing at least 6 months in prison!!! And he expects me to lie to his family this entire time. Isn't that covering for him?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Exton, Pa
Posts: 75
i agree with the "when it rains it poors"....if one more person tells me it can only get better (which then it gets worse) i'm gonna scream!
i think you should do what you need to do....if he didn't want anyone to know then he shouldn't of done it. Take care of yourself in this, and if you feel the need to tell them then do so. good luck!
i think you should do what you need to do....if he didn't want anyone to know then he shouldn't of done it. Take care of yourself in this, and if you feel the need to tell them then do so. good luck!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
I agree, they need to know. Can you tell them that either he tells them or you will, but you're NOT going to enable him in this? At least give him the choice of doing it himself.
Just the fact that he would ASK you to lie for him would make me furious.
Just the fact that he would ASK you to lie for him would make me furious.
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
I think you should tell him. While my husband is not facing the same fate as yours is right now, when he relapesd I told his parents. Not because I thought his mom or dad could do something about it but because I thought they needed to know in case he od'd or got a DUI or any other horrible scenero you can think of. I didn't want them to be the last to know and I certainly did not want them to find out from someone else.
And lastly I told them because I knew I could not carry this terrible burdon/secret around with me. My husbands addiction is not something that I talk about with anyone including my family and I needed a support system. I'm very blessed to have inlaws who are supportive and they let me know that if I ever decided to leave my AH they would understand completely and still want to be a part of my life.
Telling them was the best thing I ever did. At first my AH was madder then a hornet at me but he eventually got over it and his mom was the first person he called last week when he got a sponsor. Addiction is a family disease and no matter how hard you try to hide it from other family members, it always tells on itself in the end. Six months is a long time to be in jail without his parents finding out. You inlaws will apprieciate your honesty.
And lastly I told them because I knew I could not carry this terrible burdon/secret around with me. My husbands addiction is not something that I talk about with anyone including my family and I needed a support system. I'm very blessed to have inlaws who are supportive and they let me know that if I ever decided to leave my AH they would understand completely and still want to be a part of my life.
Telling them was the best thing I ever did. At first my AH was madder then a hornet at me but he eventually got over it and his mom was the first person he called last week when he got a sponsor. Addiction is a family disease and no matter how hard you try to hide it from other family members, it always tells on itself in the end. Six months is a long time to be in jail without his parents finding out. You inlaws will apprieciate your honesty.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Take, if you lie, you are covering up his addiction which is the same as enabling his addiction. Why do you want to protect him from the consequences of using so bad?
I understand that you are in a complete state of turmoil right now. Perhaps this would be a good time to step back and take a look at your life and what you want out of it for yourself and for your children. You are under so much pressure. I commend you for reaching out for help here. Have you considered attending any meetings like Alanon or reading any books like Co-dependent no more? F2F help can offer so much support and help you learn real tools to deal with your situation.
You cannot make your husband get better or become an honest person, but YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF! I hope you do. I hate to see anyone go through what you are going through.
PS. Just because his max is 6 mos doesn't mean he will actually do 6 mos. He has an attorney on his side. There are many alternatives to jail including home monitoring, etc etc etc.
The healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to stop worrying about things that haven't happened yet, and focus on what is happening in the very moment. Focus on what YOU can control. And you will find that 97% of everything else works itself out eventually anyway - whether you worry about it or not.
I understand that you are in a complete state of turmoil right now. Perhaps this would be a good time to step back and take a look at your life and what you want out of it for yourself and for your children. You are under so much pressure. I commend you for reaching out for help here. Have you considered attending any meetings like Alanon or reading any books like Co-dependent no more? F2F help can offer so much support and help you learn real tools to deal with your situation.
You cannot make your husband get better or become an honest person, but YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF! I hope you do. I hate to see anyone go through what you are going through.
PS. Just because his max is 6 mos doesn't mean he will actually do 6 mos. He has an attorney on his side. There are many alternatives to jail including home monitoring, etc etc etc.
The healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to stop worrying about things that haven't happened yet, and focus on what is happening in the very moment. Focus on what YOU can control. And you will find that 97% of everything else works itself out eventually anyway - whether you worry about it or not.
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