sleepygoat

Spoke with my AD's BF. He says she has an appt with a psychiatrist who will, "help her get off crack, give her medication - maybe xanax to calm her down, and refer her to outpatient drug treatment".

She is already taking suboxone (3 weeks no heroin, yay!).

So I want to jump in and make this look the way I want it to look. I don't want her on Xanax or any other benzo -highly addictive. I don't want her on psych meds at all.

I want it to look like its supposedto look:
Detox, rehab, NA meetings, sponsor, etc.

I know that just may not be her path right now (or ever). God knows what he is doing. But I really, really, really want her to get into NA and recovery and especially the fellowship so she can have some friends again. I want! I want! I know better than her! I know better than any psychiatrist!! I know better!!

I just want to control this. Instead I should be rejoicing that she is even willing to consider getting off the crack by any means whatsoever. Jeesh, I am so tempted to put my hands in this.....

peaceteach

Sleepy,

One simple comment about your view needs to be enough. Then it's up to her. Sometimes we have to have faith and trust in everything we read here and know in our heads. It has to be HER decision how she handles HER treatment. She will find out eventually that she needs support and fellowship if she truly wants to stay off her DOC.

I think you could ask her if any group work or individual counseling is required in order to be on the suboxone or to continue the meds, mentioning how that seems to really increase the chances of success in getting sober. But then, you KNOW you need to step out of her HP's way and let Him do His work. Trust, faith, keeping the focus on YOU. You know the drill. Hugs to you, mom

rahsue

this may just be one of her steps in the right direction. I know my RAS tried many things before the "right" program hit him as the best way. Be patient, all good things come to those who wait.

hugs and prayers

greeteachday

Thanks for sharing how you feel with such honesty! I know those "I want to orchestrate my daughter's recovery so I can fix it" feelings oh so well. I suspect we aren't alone
Good for you, recognizing the feelings and admitting to them. I know I am more likely to take action I shouldn't when I stuff my feelings and pretend they aren't there.

Gratitude is a wonderful thing, isn't it? I really like how you have found a way to be grateful for where she is on her journey rather than trying to control it for her. As always, postive thoughts and prayers for both of you. Mom to mom hugs too

marle

I absolutely know the feeling and am going through something similar with my daughter. She was thinking of rehab, saying all the right things about a halfway house, etc. But did not follow it up with action. Now the abf is going to be making some money and she is looking forward to unlimited heroin and so is not so interested in the rehab. I would like to go and bump him off or at least call the motel that they are staying at and the local police, but I am finding myself going back to Step 1 instead. Good for you that you recognize that it is not your job to control your daughter. That is half the battle. Hugs, Marle

laurie6781

Your Honesty is overwhelming and I thank you for sharing here.

Most of us have felt that way "I want......." and know how hard it is to keep "hands off."

Your recovery is shining!!!!!!

At least she has started the path, as others stated it may take time to find her right path for her, and I too suggest that as hard as it is going to be, just sit back and watch the show.

I struggled in my own recovery for 9 years, yes I stayed sober, but I jumped all over the place, couldn't seem to get a grip,now how stupid was that, lol but I FINALLY went to a psych dr. (only when I felt like I really needed to be locked away forever and I was in such pain) who had worked with other alkies and addicts. I was finally able to get a diagnosis and then we started finding the correct psych meds that would work for me.

I am Bipolor 1 which is mostly chronic depression with some episodes of manic, whereas Bipolar 2 is the opposite, mostly manic with some episodes of depression.

I will pray that your daughter gets the help that her HP feels she needs.

I will also pray that your shining recovery continues.

Way to go!!!!!

Love and hugs,

Done_With_It

****{Sleepygoat}}}}

hope4always

Sleepygoat:
The psych meds may be what she needs right now. Though, I wonder why a benzo would be Rxd instead of a good anti-depressant, like Zoloft which for some is a really good all-in-one type drug, or even Seroquel. Both have shown to help some people who suffer with anxiety, and neither are addictive as the benzos are.

Laurie:
Actually, BP1, or true Manic-Depression, hits the severe highs that last a longer time than the far less severe and less active hypo-manic stage associated with BP2.

Both BP1 and 2 hit the same severe and devastating lows, however.

laurie6781

I was keeping it simple, and fortunately I don't cycle too often but when I go maniac LOOK OUT, and as much as I used to actually like it when I was younger, I hate it now.

Anyway the important thing is that it is under control for the moment. I also found out through therapy and group sessions with other Bi Polars, some with addiction problems, some not, that we who have Bi Polar seem to process things differently and think differently that it actually is a Mental (brain) problem.

For years and years and years I believed that I "Walked To A Different Drummer" and I felt so 'alien' even into recovery. It was such a relief to find that I was not alone and that there were folks who understood my thinking process and how I processed information!!!!!

Sleepy I think your daughter going to a psych dr is a GOOD thing. Was it the BF thinking xanax? Because you, your daughter and her bf don't know what the psych dr will do or prescribe. I just think it is a GOOD thing and will help to get her started!

J M H O

cece

the fact you used the words, "Put my hands all over this" shows how far you have come!
just the knowing that if I stick my hands anywhere in my " Son's Decisions" its just going to muss it up. :codiepolice
first, because his instinct is to do the opposite anyway.
and secondly, because past practice has shown when my hands go in, he doesn't get the recovery that might have been waiting there instead.
So you are on the right track and came to the right place to get all those feelings out!!!
sending a big zipper your way!

hope4always

Laurie:
BP is one of those bitter-sweet disorders to be sure. But the thing with BP is it actually gives you an edge. As long as your moods are being properly managed, and you have a support system that’s satisfactory for you, BP has given you something many people don’t have: intense insight, incredible fortitude and a wonderfully unique way of interpreting the world.

So, you may march to a different drummer, but that’s a *huge* asset. It’s one of those things that can really set you apart from the pack in the best way possible. Use it to your advantage!

To move along the lines of Sleepygoat’s concern about meds… I meant to mention this before… It’s really important that psychotherapy be incorporated with med therapy. Not saying this is the case with you and your daughter, but many people tend to make the mistake of just seeing a psychiatrist. This really doesn’t provide a client with full and complete treatment. Psychiatry is focused toward medical/psycho-pharmacology, whereas psychotherapy is focused on behavioral. So, it’s really important that an MD and PhD or MSW be hired by a client to get the best possible care.

The other thing is group settings, such as 12-step programs or even privately run groups by a therapist, don’t necessarily work for everyone. If your daughter’s doc is thinking of Rx’ing Xanax, a group setting might exacerbate her anxiety. Private sessions for some people can work just as well as the programs work for others. It all depends on the person.

I really wish her all the best and hope she finds the treatment option that keeps her motivated to continue up the right path.

Spiritual Seeker

Wanting to control others, even our grown kids, usually only causes us
suffering + frustration...but you know this.
The 1st three steps are a struggle over & over again.
It is hard to let go, but just as hard to be dragged.
At least you are grateful for any crumb of progress.

Impurrfect

((((Sleepygoat)))

I can totally understand how you must want to make her do it the way you know is best.

On the other hand, I think I appreciate my recovery even more, now, because I stumbled around and struggled before I figured it out. It's like I had to try other ways before I would truly surrender.


Hugs and prayers to both of you!

Amy

Lobo

Sleepygoat,

My daughter abused herion and crack for 6 yrs. She is presently off of those drugs and has been for 10 months. She works two jobs, just bought herself a car. Pays her own insurance and cell phone. One of the reasons she is doing so well is because she is being treated for bipolar 2. She sees a pdoc and a therapist. She is taking lithium and seroquil for her bipolar. She is like a different person. Her pdoc said she was self medicating with street drugs. This treatment has helped my daughter to put her life back together. For us it has been very positive. BTW she also took suboxone for a little while to get off of the heroin. She didn't have any trouble stopping that. She didn't take anything for the crack. She conquered that on her own.

This treatment has given me my daughter back. Don't turn away from the help, it may be what she needs.

Hugs.................Lo

caileesnana

"I want to orchestrate my daughter's recovery so I can fix it"

There are alot of us who feel this way. Too bad it doesn't work.
Prayers for you and your daughter,
susan

sleepygoat

Thanks everyone, for the input.
The reason this whole thing is making me so crazy is as follows...The way the "xanax" idea came about (in fact, the whole psychiatrist idea came about) is that a social worker at the HIV clinic has been telling my daughter she needs Xanax every since they met in October. To that I say, "Ms, Social Worker, perhaps you find my daughter to be anxious because of the heroin she is starting to jones for again by the time you meet with her, or perhaps because of the crack she just smoked in the bathroom 5 minutes before you spoke to her."

So I'm not crazy about the idea of either an "anxiety disorder" diagnosis, or any benzo as treatment for anything (never did I shake and sweat more than when I was taking tons and tons of benzos in my active addiction), or about her seeing a psychiatrist at all right now. She has never exhibited symtoms of mental illness in her life (I know what to look for as an RN, and as a person with Hx of depression, etc).

What's really clear is that she is a drug addict, so I wish her to start with drug treatment!!! (You know the saying, "When we hear hoofbeats, we think horses, not zebras"...)

But WTF, my way has not worked in the past, but has generally backfired whenever I tried to impose it on her. so whether its a good idea or a bad idea, or just an idea whose time has not yet come, I can't do anything about it.

marle

My daughter told me that she has been taking Seroquel to sleep. She buys this off the street because all of the other addicts she knows told her that it what she needs to take when she can't sleep because of too much crack or too much jonsing for heroin. She told me she stopped it because she found it only worked for a while and then made it harder to go to sleep. I told her that maybe she should stop playing pharmicist and get some real help. So I know what you are saying about doing the right thing versus doing the easy thing. My daughter had depression before she started using drugs, but she also had a massive eating disorder so I believe take care of the addiction first, the eating disorder second and I bet that she will end up a happy, healthy individual. But what do I know Hugs to you momma, I know you are doing your best. Marle