Serenity8

My AH started a rehab two weeks ago. He goes after work on M,T, Th 7-10 PM, about 15 minutes away from our house.

My kids just woke me up, and it is after 4 AM and he isn't home yet. Now, if it were any other day I wouldn't think twice about it because he has a habit of falling asleep on the bus when he "works late" and missing his stop. But when he leaves work at 5 PM to get to the rehab at 7 PM, he wouldn't be out this late.

I had been so good at detaching that I stopped worrying. I would get pissed, yes, but I wouldn't worry because he usually showed up.

But this time is different. He isn't answering his cell. Or calling me back a few minutes after I've called him. Something in my gut is telling me this time is different. I feel like I have icewater in my veins right now.

I know there is nothing I can do but turn it over to my Higher Power. Both my little ones (5 and 3 years old) are in my bed right now so I need to go lay down with them and act like it is all fine and go back to sleep.

But at what point do I start backtracking on yesterday and get the authorities involved? The last time I spoke to him was at 4 PM, we called him at work to tell him about a picture my daughter drew at school (of the two of them).

OK, off to pray some more to accept His will and to hopefully go to sleep...

Serenity8

OK, all that worry for nothing. He decided to "pass out" downstairs in his work clothes and not even come upstairs to change. When I looked out the window at 3:30 AM I didn't see it there?

hope213

worrying about "it" does not get you anywhere. it is what it is. i am glad he is home & is ok. i hope he continues with his program & this is his miracle.hugs & prayers.

Serenity8

Agreed. And I stopped worrying a long time ago, but last night I fretted. I also obviously had my subconscious not see his car next to mine in the driveway, so that tells you something right there. Clearly I need to keep the focus on ME.

Now I'm tired and groggy today when I don't have to be.

Serenity8

And if I may continue to enlighten myself...in my fretting in the middle of the night, I emailed my sister about it. Was projecting hours ahead about checking to see if his car was at the busstop and when we should get the authorities involved. I felt SO stupid when I saw him at home and attempting to unsend the message - AOL used to have an option where you could "unsend" unread messages to other AOL members, but apparently they don't anymore. Or I couldn't find it.

Anyway, I send a "nevermind, I'm clearly losing it" followup email. And then I never heard from my sister all morning. So I assumed she was upset with me, or just tired of this whole situation with my AH, or maybe one of her kids read it and she was freaking out because I mention "rehab" in there and her kids don't know and yadda yadda yadda, I'm sure any codie is all too familiar with what was going through my head. Well, as it turns out, she was on a class trip with my nephew. I remembered later in the day, around 1 PM. So her not contacting me had NOTHING TO DO WITH ME OR THAT EMAIL.

Wow, I really don't know how I took so many steps back in the last 24 hours. And this was all AFTER a really great al-anon meeting last night. I need to get back on track!