got to learn to cope with life, without drinking
sober_wannabe
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Georgia
Posts: 9
got to learn to cope with life, without drinking
Hi. I am a divorced mother of a 5 year old very energetic sometimes lippy girl. I took her and left my increasingly abusive (verbal and physical) now ex-husband when she was 2 years old. At that point I had been drinking for about a year, in my weak defense, to deal with him. He had been drinking on average a 12 pack of beer a night (down to 6 when i got pregnant, then up to 100 proof vodka after she was born, all throughout the day). He couldn't stand the fact that she needed me so much. And I worked full time, went back to work after she was a month old. I remember nights when she had collick, bless her heart she would start about midnight and go until around 2 am. I would just hold her and cry, he never once got up to help me. He was literally passed out cold. God I hated him. So after a year of it, we left.
After we had been living on own for a few months I decided I didn't need to drink anymore to cope, although after being married for 10 years I felt very lonely and lost. I started drinking one or two wine coolers in the evenings and lost a lot of the weight I had put on. About a year later I met my now boyfriend and the wine coolers went back to 100 proof vodka. We tried to be romantic and drink wine but it just didn't give us the buzz that we wanted. My boyfriend's normally a little quiet and of course drinking opened him up. The bad thing is, is that we have a really good time when we drink, so we've had a hard time quitting. As an added bonus (NOT) we've both put on a lot of weight. After months of trying to quit, I think I've decided it's just not worth the risks. I read it makes me much more vurnerable to breast cancer, and my mother is going through her second (10 years in between) round of it, so I need to be so careful. And high blood pressure runs on her side, so I'm really really asking to get hit between the eyes.
I went to fitday.com and figured that my 3-4 drinks a night add up to over 500 calories. 3500 calories a week just to drink. Good lord. We thought we may just be able to drink only on fridays and saturdays, but I'm not so sure. So anyway, that's my story (and i'm sticking to it).
After we had been living on own for a few months I decided I didn't need to drink anymore to cope, although after being married for 10 years I felt very lonely and lost. I started drinking one or two wine coolers in the evenings and lost a lot of the weight I had put on. About a year later I met my now boyfriend and the wine coolers went back to 100 proof vodka. We tried to be romantic and drink wine but it just didn't give us the buzz that we wanted. My boyfriend's normally a little quiet and of course drinking opened him up. The bad thing is, is that we have a really good time when we drink, so we've had a hard time quitting. As an added bonus (NOT) we've both put on a lot of weight. After months of trying to quit, I think I've decided it's just not worth the risks. I read it makes me much more vurnerable to breast cancer, and my mother is going through her second (10 years in between) round of it, so I need to be so careful. And high blood pressure runs on her side, so I'm really really asking to get hit between the eyes.
I went to fitday.com and figured that my 3-4 drinks a night add up to over 500 calories. 3500 calories a week just to drink. Good lord. We thought we may just be able to drink only on fridays and saturdays, but I'm not so sure. So anyway, that's my story (and i'm sticking to it). 
and
Live The Life You Want
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 17
Welcome! You just have to take it one day at a time. It will not be easy but it will be worth it for you. I remember all too well trying to cut back and all the excess weight I gained with my alcohol use not to mention the health risks. It is truly a better way of living. Don't try to think long term, just one day or one hour at a time at first. You can do it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi and Welcome,
Reading your post, made me think about my starting drinking. You said how you and your boyfriend use alcohol to help you to relax and be able to talk more. I began to use alcohol during a really stressful time (chronic pain, rebellious teenagers, husband travelling all the time).to help me sleep. It worked well for a little while and I thought it was the answer. But, before I knew it, I had crossed an invisible line and the alcohol was controlling me.
I think you are making a good choice for yourself and your daughter.
Reading your post, made me think about my starting drinking. You said how you and your boyfriend use alcohol to help you to relax and be able to talk more. I began to use alcohol during a really stressful time (chronic pain, rebellious teenagers, husband travelling all the time).to help me sleep. It worked well for a little while and I thought it was the answer. But, before I knew it, I had crossed an invisible line and the alcohol was controlling me.
I think you are making a good choice for yourself and your daughter.
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
Hi and Welcome!!! I am glad you are here, looking at the title of your post, all I could think, is that you will not only learn to cope with life sober, but with time, you will ENJOY life without drinking, more than you ever thought possible!!
Cathy
Cathy
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Make this Friday night special.
Hire a sitter ...you and your SO go to an AA meeting
then to a restaurant that does not serve alcohol and relax.
A sober date....
Welcome!
Hire a sitter ...you and your SO go to an AA meeting
then to a restaurant that does not serve alcohol and relax.
A sober date....
Welcome!
sober_wannabe
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Georgia
Posts: 9
hey all,
well it's thursday, also known as 'thirsty thursday'. oh boy. i have done very well. the last two nights (tue and wed) my boyfriend has tried to go to the licquor store. unfortunately it is only two miles down the road. tuesday night he even offered to buy me two of the little one shotters, which i usually, lamely, ask for when i'm trying to 'be good' and he refuses to buy, saying it's more 'economical' to buy the large size. i said that no, i didn't want those or anything. and as he was about to head out the door and say goodbye, he'd be right back, i casually said 'okay, wimp'. lol. that worked, he stayed. last night he was close to going, i said 'can't you wait until friday?'. we want to only drink on friday and saturday nights like 'normal' people. i don't know if i will be able to do this or not though. we'll see. probably not.
well it's thursday, also known as 'thirsty thursday'. oh boy. i have done very well. the last two nights (tue and wed) my boyfriend has tried to go to the licquor store. unfortunately it is only two miles down the road. tuesday night he even offered to buy me two of the little one shotters, which i usually, lamely, ask for when i'm trying to 'be good' and he refuses to buy, saying it's more 'economical' to buy the large size. i said that no, i didn't want those or anything. and as he was about to head out the door and say goodbye, he'd be right back, i casually said 'okay, wimp'. lol. that worked, he stayed. last night he was close to going, i said 'can't you wait until friday?'. we want to only drink on friday and saturday nights like 'normal' people. i don't know if i will be able to do this or not though. we'll see. probably not.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi partygirl,
Sorry I am late in welcoming you. It sounds as though you are having difficulty moderating your drinking. Besides the health risks associated with drinking, what else is motivating you to quit - or do you wish to moderate only?
I'm an alcoholic, and that means that no amount of planning or willpower will allow me to control or moderate my own drinking. I had to give it up, and learn a new way of living.
I'm so glad that I did.
Sorry I am late in welcoming you. It sounds as though you are having difficulty moderating your drinking. Besides the health risks associated with drinking, what else is motivating you to quit - or do you wish to moderate only?
I'm an alcoholic, and that means that no amount of planning or willpower will allow me to control or moderate my own drinking. I had to give it up, and learn a new way of living.
I'm so glad that I did.
sober_wannabe
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Georgia
Posts: 9
Hi Rowan,
well, my reasons for wanting to slow way down are......don't want breast cancer and my mother is going thru her 2nd round-i'm already high risk and i've read that drinking increases my changes. I don't want to get HPB, it runs in the family. I have gained a lot of weight and i contribute it to my heavy drinking. before i started drinking so much (about 3-4 drinks a night 6-7 nights a week) i weighed a lot less. and it doesn't kill me to not drink throughout the week. honestly i am able to relax and chill out and sleep thank goodness (thanks to sleepytime extra tea and a half a sominex.) i mean when i'm drinking, i really enjoy it. but i don't get crazy or neurotic when i'm not. i don't know, we'll see. we may have drinks over the weekend and sunday night may be too hard for me. then i'll know that i just plain can't drink. one thing is for sure, and that is, i refuse to let this get ahold of me. if i think it's going to get out of control, i will just give it up completely. not worth it.
well, my reasons for wanting to slow way down are......don't want breast cancer and my mother is going thru her 2nd round-i'm already high risk and i've read that drinking increases my changes. I don't want to get HPB, it runs in the family. I have gained a lot of weight and i contribute it to my heavy drinking. before i started drinking so much (about 3-4 drinks a night 6-7 nights a week) i weighed a lot less. and it doesn't kill me to not drink throughout the week. honestly i am able to relax and chill out and sleep thank goodness (thanks to sleepytime extra tea and a half a sominex.) i mean when i'm drinking, i really enjoy it. but i don't get crazy or neurotic when i'm not. i don't know, we'll see. we may have drinks over the weekend and sunday night may be too hard for me. then i'll know that i just plain can't drink. one thing is for sure, and that is, i refuse to let this get ahold of me. if i think it's going to get out of control, i will just give it up completely. not worth it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Well - a good way to find out if your drinking is controlling you is to try to give it up for a set period. A month or so. See how you make out. Pay attention to when you crave a drink. I wish I could offer suggestions to help you moderate, but as I mentioned, I simply cannot moderate.
sober_wannabe
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Georgia
Posts: 9
Hi Rowan,
well, I've found out for sure that I just can not be a weekend drinker. I have to stop completely. I drank last night. I wasn't going to. My boyfriend had a back ache, men, such whiners, lol, and so he just had to have a beer. well guess what, i just had to have something too. and this morning i felt (and this afternoon I still feel) like crap. so that's that. actually it hit me after i started drinking last night. i just can't do this anymore. i'm throwing my cards in. if my boyfriend wants to have a beer at night let him. but i am the only person in control of me, and i like myself so much better after a couple of days of sobriety. it's funny, but after sleeping so darn good those sober night, i didn't sleep so good last night. and that is a very big deal to me. a crummy night's sleep ruins my next day.
thank you so much. I will be talking to you at some point, i'm sure. have a great weekend. my tiny town's festival is this weekend and it looks like awesome weather.
well, I've found out for sure that I just can not be a weekend drinker. I have to stop completely. I drank last night. I wasn't going to. My boyfriend had a back ache, men, such whiners, lol, and so he just had to have a beer. well guess what, i just had to have something too. and this morning i felt (and this afternoon I still feel) like crap. so that's that. actually it hit me after i started drinking last night. i just can't do this anymore. i'm throwing my cards in. if my boyfriend wants to have a beer at night let him. but i am the only person in control of me, and i like myself so much better after a couple of days of sobriety. it's funny, but after sleeping so darn good those sober night, i didn't sleep so good last night. and that is a very big deal to me. a crummy night's sleep ruins my next day.
thank you so much. I will be talking to you at some point, i'm sure. have a great weekend. my tiny town's festival is this weekend and it looks like awesome weather.
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