I Can't Believe I'm Here!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 40
I Can't Believe I'm Here!
...... talking about my beautiful 21 year old daughter who apparently has started to self medicate with cocaine. Ironically she has always had a very strong opinion about others who abuse drugs showing very little compassion and here she is doing exactly what she condemns!
Of course there is a lot of background info necessary to properly explain how she got to where she is but I'm afraid I have to rush off to work .... so I'll get back here later and elaborate ... I just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm so thankful I found this site. This ...... this situation has me scared out of my wits ..... I'm so afraid I'll say or do the wrong thing ....... and loose her forever ......
Take care and bless you all!
Sarah
Of course there is a lot of background info necessary to properly explain how she got to where she is but I'm afraid I have to rush off to work .... so I'll get back here later and elaborate ... I just wanted to say hi and let you all know I'm so thankful I found this site. This ...... this situation has me scared out of my wits ..... I'm so afraid I'll say or do the wrong thing ....... and loose her forever ......
Take care and bless you all!
Sarah
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
yep, you are in the right place. My AD, now age 24, beautiful, tall , blonde & blue eyed starting self medicating w/ alcohol,pot, then cocaine. Today she is a full blown "poly substance" addict.
I was at the end of my rope when I found this wonderful place and people. Sorry you are walking our journey, but welcome, from one mom to another.
susan
:praying
I was at the end of my rope when I found this wonderful place and people. Sorry you are walking our journey, but welcome, from one mom to another.
susan
:praying
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Sarahspeaks 
This ...... this situation has me scared out of my wits ..... I'm so afraid I'll say or do the wrong thing ....... and loose her forever ......
If you haven't had a chance, read the stickies posted at the top of the forum and maybe visit the Substance Abuse forum too. It really helped me a lot to read the personal accounts of the recovering and relapsing addicts. Their honesty gave me a lot of insight into my daughter's addiction.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Sarah, welcome to SR from another mom of an addicted 24 yr old daughter....I am glad you found us! Lots of strength, hope and experience to share, so many of us here on the same journey...Look forward to hearing more from you
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Welcome Sarah,
Nice to met you but sorry it has to be on this site. I am the mom of a 26 yr. old daughter who abused drugs for 6 yrs. Her DOC was heroin, but she also abused other drugs. She is bi polar and used drugs to self medicate. I am happy to say that she has been clean from drugs for 10 months. A lot has happened in those 6 yrs. I could write a book. She is presently seeing a therapist one on one and has a pdoc. She is taking bi polar meds and responding very well.
Our lives are not perfect but there has been a lot of progress. Stay with us and we'll help you as much as we can. I still worry everyday about my daughter but I have learned that I cannot and will not try to control how she lives her life. I have set boundaries that I can live with to make my life more comfortable.
I wish you and your daughter the best.............Lo
Nice to met you but sorry it has to be on this site. I am the mom of a 26 yr. old daughter who abused drugs for 6 yrs. Her DOC was heroin, but she also abused other drugs. She is bi polar and used drugs to self medicate. I am happy to say that she has been clean from drugs for 10 months. A lot has happened in those 6 yrs. I could write a book. She is presently seeing a therapist one on one and has a pdoc. She is taking bi polar meds and responding very well.
Our lives are not perfect but there has been a lot of progress. Stay with us and we'll help you as much as we can. I still worry everyday about my daughter but I have learned that I cannot and will not try to control how she lives her life. I have set boundaries that I can live with to make my life more comfortable.
I wish you and your daughter the best.............Lo
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Welcome Sarah, Your daughter sounds so like my youngest child. She too had so much scorn for those who used...her life revolved around so many healthy things, then suddenly things changed quickly and she was addicted.
SR and going to Naranon meetings literally saved my sanity. I was scared and frantic and very sick emotionally and physically until I found ways to help me help myself. I really did have to help myself since I could not control my daughter....She had to find recovery for herself just as I had to find it for me. I hope you will keep coming back and reading all you can here.
SR and going to Naranon meetings literally saved my sanity. I was scared and frantic and very sick emotionally and physically until I found ways to help me help myself. I really did have to help myself since I could not control my daughter....She had to find recovery for herself just as I had to find it for me. I hope you will keep coming back and reading all you can here.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 40
Oh my .. thanks so much for the warm welcome everyone!
I just can't understand how my daughter got so derailed ... and yet ... maybe I can! She is/was a dancer as a child... very disciplined and gave me little to worry about as an adolescent .. went on to teach for a few years then decided to take a break and do something different and went to University for a year ... decided that wasn't for her and moved to another city for a year searching for fame and fortune .... that didn't work out either .... so she moved back home and moved in with her sister! They are less than 2 years apart and have always been very close! That was in the fall ... and since she's been back she has worked a total of 1 month .... in the beginning she was being very selective about the kind of job she wanted and I was fine with that because she has never been without work and I wasn't worried ... she is not a lazy person .. even holding down 2 part time jobs the year she went to school .... but since she's moved back home she just seems lost .... having so much trouble finding a rythym to her life! And there has been some bad boy relationships .... one of the reasons she moved back home ....
Her not working yet has put a severe strain on her relationship with her sister ....and I'm beginning to loose the faith myself ..... I'd be mad at her if I wasn't so worried .... this behaviour is just not her normal character ....
I've only just recently found out she's been dabbling in the Coke .... I have no idea where the money comes from to buy it because I'm helping her with the bare necessities until she finds a job and I see exactly where her money is going (I work in the bank she deals with and we share an account so I can help her) .... so of course that adds more worry to the equation .... what is she doing to get the drugs?????? ..... to her detriment I'm afraid she is a very pretty young lady and is very outgoing with many friends ... I'm afraid given her present state of mind she would be a very easy target ... when we talk it is clear to me she is very down on herself because she is having so much trouble finding a job (something she has never had a problem with before) and has way too much time on her hands to get in to trouble with !
Having an alcoholic brother I am familiar with some of this having done something of an intervention with him in conjunction with a program .... there was some family counselling sessions and I've done alot of reading .... in a million years I never pictured myself having to deal with ... this child ... having this problem !
As I said earlier .... I'm scared out of my mind I'm going to approach this thing all wrong ..... she is a very head strong girl and has a great deal of pride ..I know she feels she's been a disappointment to me and the rest of her family and so instead of reaching out she hides and pretends ...... I just don't know what to do ....
That's some of my story ..... thanks for listening! Any thoughts... at all ... I'd appreciate your input .....
Sarah
I just can't understand how my daughter got so derailed ... and yet ... maybe I can! She is/was a dancer as a child... very disciplined and gave me little to worry about as an adolescent .. went on to teach for a few years then decided to take a break and do something different and went to University for a year ... decided that wasn't for her and moved to another city for a year searching for fame and fortune .... that didn't work out either .... so she moved back home and moved in with her sister! They are less than 2 years apart and have always been very close! That was in the fall ... and since she's been back she has worked a total of 1 month .... in the beginning she was being very selective about the kind of job she wanted and I was fine with that because she has never been without work and I wasn't worried ... she is not a lazy person .. even holding down 2 part time jobs the year she went to school .... but since she's moved back home she just seems lost .... having so much trouble finding a rythym to her life! And there has been some bad boy relationships .... one of the reasons she moved back home ....
Her not working yet has put a severe strain on her relationship with her sister ....and I'm beginning to loose the faith myself ..... I'd be mad at her if I wasn't so worried .... this behaviour is just not her normal character ....
I've only just recently found out she's been dabbling in the Coke .... I have no idea where the money comes from to buy it because I'm helping her with the bare necessities until she finds a job and I see exactly where her money is going (I work in the bank she deals with and we share an account so I can help her) .... so of course that adds more worry to the equation .... what is she doing to get the drugs?????? ..... to her detriment I'm afraid she is a very pretty young lady and is very outgoing with many friends ... I'm afraid given her present state of mind she would be a very easy target ... when we talk it is clear to me she is very down on herself because she is having so much trouble finding a job (something she has never had a problem with before) and has way too much time on her hands to get in to trouble with !
Having an alcoholic brother I am familiar with some of this having done something of an intervention with him in conjunction with a program .... there was some family counselling sessions and I've done alot of reading .... in a million years I never pictured myself having to deal with ... this child ... having this problem !
As I said earlier .... I'm scared out of my mind I'm going to approach this thing all wrong ..... she is a very head strong girl and has a great deal of pride ..I know she feels she's been a disappointment to me and the rest of her family and so instead of reaching out she hides and pretends ...... I just don't know what to do ....
That's some of my story ..... thanks for listening! Any thoughts... at all ... I'd appreciate your input .....
Sarah
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
This ...... this situation has me scared out of my wits ..... I'm so afraid I'll say or do the wrong thing ....... and loose her forever ......
??
We're all scared. I'm sorry for that. I hate that part of this whole thing. But, you will become a prisoner to your own projections if you always worry about doing or saying the wrong thing. Speak from the heart and always be honest. Even if it's hard for her to hear.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Another mom here to welcome you.
Being parent of an addict is not for "woosies"
There is a definite learning curve on coping, detaching, helping etc.
please stick around and share your curve with us
Being parent of an addict is not for "woosies"
There is a definite learning curve on coping, detaching, helping etc.
please stick around and share your curve with us
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by ZombieWife
We are all afraid of losing our children, but ask yourself this in regard to the above comment you made. Shouldn't SHE be the one thinking, "uh oh. I did the wrong thing. I'm scared. I'm going to lose my mom forever" ??
.
.
I am disappointed in her because I always prided myself on being able to talk about everything and anything with my girls (I have 3 and 1 son) hell we watch Sex In The City reruns endlessly and very often discuss some of the issues dealt with in the show with no embarassment whatsoever ..... they have to know they can come to me about anything they are struggling with .... I worked hard to make sure we had that kind of relationship .... unlike the one I had with my parents ...... no talkey ... about anything .....
I guess I am mourning the loss of the relationship I thought I had with her .... its tearing me up ..... we've been through so much as a family. Ten years ago (this long weekend actually) my husband was hurt cutting wood with our son and was left a paraplegic .. no longer able to work and having multiple health issues ever since .... we've run into financial difficulty having lost our house and are presently starting over in a smaller older home that requires much renovation to accommodate his disability. We have come through all this together ... I thought the worst had already happened to us ..... I was wrong
... Sarah
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Location: Canada
Posts: 40
Just one more thing ..... she's threatening to move back to the other city because she says she feels now coming back here was a mistake .... blaming her current situation on that ....
She's completely broke, has topped off her credit card, so I have no idea how she plans on accomplishing this or why she thinks this will change anything... if anything it will only make things worse ... this place she's moving back to is the coke capital of North America and party city central for 20 somethings ..... I guess I have to cut her loose and let her fall .... right
???? ... I'm so scared for her ...... I'm afraid I'll never see her again .... I hate the emotional rollercoaster she has me on .....
Sarah
She's completely broke, has topped off her credit card, so I have no idea how she plans on accomplishing this or why she thinks this will change anything... if anything it will only make things worse ... this place she's moving back to is the coke capital of North America and party city central for 20 somethings ..... I guess I have to cut her loose and let her fall .... right
???? ... I'm so scared for her ...... I'm afraid I'll never see her again .... I hate the emotional rollercoaster she has me on ..... Sarah
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
That's so rough. 
I'm sorry you feel you've lost that relationship with her. Maybe she feels so embarrassed about what she's into now that she doesn't think she can talk to anyone about it--especially given that she was very against drugs in the past.
I can only suggest that you be as honest and as forthright as possible: "You know this is bad. You are in too deep. I am here if you want to talk, but I won't enable you. I won't help you destroy yourself." The door is then open if she wants help.
I'm sorry you feel you've lost that relationship with her. Maybe she feels so embarrassed about what she's into now that she doesn't think she can talk to anyone about it--especially given that she was very against drugs in the past. I can only suggest that you be as honest and as forthright as possible: "You know this is bad. You are in too deep. I am here if you want to talk, but I won't enable you. I won't help you destroy yourself." The door is then open if she wants help.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
Welcome. I'm the mom of a 19y/o crack/heroin addict. I never thought my beautiful, outgoing, loving child would be in this situation either. Mine also talked so negatively about drugs and addicts. know what? it was an act. When the truth came out (slowly, over a period of 2 years), it turns out she was using drugs since age 11 (pot, then alcohol, then ecstasy, then coke, then crack, then heroin).
I did a double take when you said you share a bank account. Please, please, remedy that one before you are heartbroken and broke at the same time. My daughter still loves me dearly, and would most likely sell my organs if she had a way too, for money for drugs.
The close releationship you built with her will most likely work in both of your favors, but it will probably become very strained as well.
Please try to remember that you didn't cause the drug problem, can't cure it, and can't control it. If she is an addict, and doing more than dabbling socially (time will tell, believe me), then she is ill with a disease that she didn't ask for and is unable to control, either.
I learned the hard way that I'm not as important and powerful as I thought. I can't even get a good punch in when I'm in the ring with the disease of addiction. I pray to my higher power, who is bigger than me and this disease, to help my daughter and to help me trust Him so that I can live my life, too.
I did a double take when you said you share a bank account. Please, please, remedy that one before you are heartbroken and broke at the same time. My daughter still loves me dearly, and would most likely sell my organs if she had a way too, for money for drugs.
The close releationship you built with her will most likely work in both of your favors, but it will probably become very strained as well.
Please try to remember that you didn't cause the drug problem, can't cure it, and can't control it. If she is an addict, and doing more than dabbling socially (time will tell, believe me), then she is ill with a disease that she didn't ask for and is unable to control, either.
I learned the hard way that I'm not as important and powerful as I thought. I can't even get a good punch in when I'm in the ring with the disease of addiction. I pray to my higher power, who is bigger than me and this disease, to help my daughter and to help me trust Him so that I can live my life, too.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 40
Do you think I should give it one more shot at some sort of intervention kind of thing .... say ... with her 2 aunties(who are as worried as I and totally aware of this whole situation... they are more like her 2nd and 3rd moms) and me ..... I have no idea how BIG her drug problem is so I'd be fishing in the dark .... but I do know she is fragile emotionally based on what her sister tells me ..... I've told her sis to tell me everything I need to know .. but I have a stinky feeling she is struggling with her loyalty to her big sis and helping me help her big sis ...... what a mess .....
Sarah
Sarah
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
I see nothing wrong with an intervention of some kind. Maybe you could get these people together just to talk to her, to ask her questions. If she denies having a problem, then maybe tell her you're going to start taking steps anyway to ensure your own security (financially and emotionally.) I don't think it's ever a bad thing to have people with you who love her and want her well.
You could also try and ask for help in this:
Drugs Intervention Referral Process at Addiction Recovery Process Center
You could also try and ask for help in this:
Drugs Intervention Referral Process at Addiction Recovery Process Center
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 40
Hi ...... it's me .....
I just thought I'd update you folks on my situation! You were all so wonderful to me and very helpful and I want to thank you for that!
My daughter moved home with me for a few months and I think we are sort of okay .... for now. We talked of course and she seemed so confused and at odds with her whole life. We live in a small town so I want to believe when she says she's stopped the coke she has ...... she claims it was just dabbling ... all her so called friends were far far away and I kept her very busy helping me around the house (we were in the middle of renovations so it was very handyl having her here ) She's registered for college this fall and I want to believe she's back on track but I'm no fool I still worry about her. She's moved back into the city and is looking for partime work ...... she says she wants to get back into dance and I told her I would help her with that if she was serious. I think I was very clear about how I feel about the drug issue .... time will tell.
Anyhow that's the story ..... I pray things maintain ..... but I'm a Mom of 4 kids and I've been fooled before ..... I guess all we can do is try .... and try again !!
Thanks again
SS
I just thought I'd update you folks on my situation! You were all so wonderful to me and very helpful and I want to thank you for that!
My daughter moved home with me for a few months and I think we are sort of okay .... for now. We talked of course and she seemed so confused and at odds with her whole life. We live in a small town so I want to believe when she says she's stopped the coke she has ...... she claims it was just dabbling ... all her so called friends were far far away and I kept her very busy helping me around the house (we were in the middle of renovations so it was very handyl having her here ) She's registered for college this fall and I want to believe she's back on track but I'm no fool I still worry about her. She's moved back into the city and is looking for partime work ...... she says she wants to get back into dance and I told her I would help her with that if she was serious. I think I was very clear about how I feel about the drug issue .... time will tell.
Anyhow that's the story ..... I pray things maintain ..... but I'm a Mom of 4 kids and I've been fooled before ..... I guess all we can do is try .... and try again !!
Thanks again
SS
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