loner1968

A's have to hit bottom and it's different for everyone. Does anyone think a person could ever hit their bottom while being supplied with the booze? I don't think so but there are no rules for this disease. I can understand why someone would take a free ride but is there anything at all in an A's mind that is still rational or is it really just all gone?

Bernadette

Hiya Loner1968,

My father had a solid ugly 25 year drinking career under his belt when he finally made it to AA and found sobriety/recovery. A couple years into his sobriety when I was asking him why my alkie bros. (his sons!) couldn't see his example and get help and sober up right then - he said never ever compare. He said every alcoholic hits bottom at a different time and in a different way. He said the stories he heard in AA were so varied in their details but they had one thing in common: only the alkie knew that it was bottom. The negative consequences could have been raining down on the alkie for years and years - with everyone around saying, NOW will you??? And the alkie saying Nope, and still drinking.

His bottom was - to me - a typical bad hangover day. It didn't follow one of his worst episodes. It was just the day that he woke up (at 5 in the afternoon!) and said "enough."

Two of my brothers are still drinking. The third stopped alcohol now smokes pot 24/7/365. One of them has now drank longer than my father did and passed the age at which our father sought recovery. He's had the most illustrious drinking career too - with so many negative consequences it is just incomprehensible to me that he continues to drink - but that's because I've got a sane non-addicted brain. And there is NO rational thinking going on in the alcoholics mind that isn't rationalizing alcohol use. That's where all their "rational" thinking is hung up! So spare yourself, don't look for anything remotely resembling "clear thinking" from an active alcoholic. Impossible.

My dad also always said there was NOTHING absolutely zilch, nada, nothing that any of us could have done to get him to stop drinking. Nothing. I believe it.

So if an alcoholic you know has a free ride for booze he/she will use it and keep drinking. If that free ride goes away he/she WILL find other ways to get the booze. Count on it. Nothing gets in the way of their drinking.

Peace,
B.

Barbara52

There is no way of knowing just where a particular As bottom may be. Some hit it quite early in the disease. Some never hit it.

hbb

I agree with Barb, i don't think there is anyway of knowing when. Unfortunately, i picked up my exabf JUST before what i believed would have been his bottom but it also appeared he was just about bottom for a year straight. When we met, he was physically, emotionally, menatally, financially very very bad. I picked him up and got him situated which sorry to say, wish i walked away after the first night but i believe a bit longer and he would have been bottom or worse.....

loner1968

Yeah, I knew the answer already. Just trying to convince myself more by asking other people. I'm having a bad time at this moment. I was outside gardening, trying to be ok and I can't stop thinking about all the craziness of it.Had to come back inside. I really don't want to waste my day off like this. maybe I'll feel better later. Right now the "tape is stuck"

hbb

(((Loner))) hugs to you...that happens, i always had to remind myself to play the tape all the way through. This will pass, keep yourself busy is the best thing and enjoy your day off the best you can

Rella927

Just as we hit our bottom when we have had "enough" the A's will or will not (as Barb stated)

My father drank for over 40 years and died at age 65....He was a Surgeon and a brilliant one at that. When it came to his job and helping people his mind was rational, when it came to helping himself that was not in the cards.

Loner sorry that you are going through this

When I kept and still keep myself busy-Al-Anon, hobbies, friends it keeps my mind on me and not on them.

lexusgirl

My xabf four years prior to meeting him was in prison for two years on a felony forgery charge, he was drinking and had a meth addiction. He was in recovery when I met him and I feel really had his stuff together. And of course I was a little naive.

Well later into the relationship he started drinking 1 or 2 beers out at the lake and I thought nothing of it as its sorta the "norm" for "normal" people. Finally the denial was lifted and I realized I was dealing with an alcoholic. I asked him if prison and a life of being in and out of jail wasn't his bottom what was?

It just amazes me he went back to drinking after all these years of doing drugs. Most of his friends that he met in prison and the recovery program he was in in prison are now all drinking or using again. Just freaking amazing!!

baileyboop

I sometimes feel that thos with addictions have those because they have an inability to cope in real life. Life is hard in alot of respects, and they simply haven't developed the tools to deal with it yet. JMO.

SugarLily

I agree with this. The thought of moving in with me and starting a life together and buying a house really appealed to my ex. But I really don't feel he could cope with it. Adult life is hard, bills, finances, housework, work, bills, finances.... I don't think he was mature enough to cope so he ran off to the pub to stick his head in the sand and forget his responsibilities.

loner1968

They love the IDEA of a good life...XABF has THE life now though. He's been with his meal ticket for three years and there is no way he's giving it up. The booze flows, the bills are paid, vacations galore, sex around the clock, free food...and he doesn't work. I always have to remind myself his leaving me for someone like her was not personal (whatever) and the idea that I was not "good enough" is something I have to fight minute by minute. I wish she would have just let him fall but she scooped him up and is still carrying him... to them this is love...to me love has had to be-and still has to be-forgetting him and letting him just be.