MagicMan08

So I am only drinking in little bits now, rarely talk to the girlfriend. I kind of agree that like making it the forbidden fruit, almost makes me want it more.

I d'no it is my nature to like to get buzzed up, and I am a relatively pure user yet....minus a couple of things.

I still get that tendency to drink and drive tho, just this last Tuesday, I drank and drove like an 18 pack deep. I was blacked out through most of it, but I know in my mind I KNEW i was confident enough to drive and I am sure did just fine.

But later my brother called and said one of his buddies passed me,and he was asking if i was alright, so I donno what is up. Jus an update, still going to meetings, pretty much have lost all contact with my ex. I see it as a transition into a new better me.

MagicMan08

yea i wanna sit and have a good conversation with this one guy at my meetings, but I think I only have the courage to ask him is to call him when I am drinking, and then be confident that I had asked him already

Anna

Are you serious?

MagicMan, if you think drinking 18 beers and driving is 'living life alright', I just don't get it.

MagicMan08

so i have this urge to like call my dad and tell him i drank like 8 of the beers out of the cooler in the porch right.......cuz i know someone will discover it sooner or later.......is it better to not say anything and wait til' later.......my parents are very passive

MagicMan08

[QUOTE=51anna;1768685] heck yes, i didn't get my dwi when I was driving. It was daylight, and I did just fine driving, cruise control......

I got picked up in a bar for supposedly driving there, and blew over .20...no one saw me drive there, no one called in, they wanted me to leave the bar, and they asked me how I got there

I am not proud or bragging, but I do alright. I don't WANT to do it, and I am ashamed.

Anna

I have nothing more to say.

MagicMan08

i know, 100% of what you are saying. I almost lost a brother in a drinking and driving accident.........I need no reinforcement, but it is easy to forget

ken67

Whoa......I don't know what to say either.

Cunning, baffling, and powerful, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

stone

Driving on an 18 pack is not just about getting a DWI or not, it is about not being safe to drive. You could easily have killed people.
I am not being holier than thou here, you seem to think you drove 'just fine' though?
That is dumb.

MagicMan08

ugh, i KNOW i didn't drive alright, and I feel guilty for it. I was spelling out my thinking

stone

Fair enough, but you can see how the confusion could happen? It sounded like you still thought you were fine.

MagicMan08

but no one wants to pay attention to my other posts....cmon now people.....and answer those questions

warrens

Is there something that I'm failing to understand here?

Most people come here because they WANT something. Of all the billion or so websites, this one is pretty lame unless it fills a need. When it does it is a godsend.

I am simply curious as to what I might be able to for you. What is it that you seek?

warren

Anna

Again....are you serious?

Is that what you do to get attention?

Why don't you just ask the questions you would like answered?

MagicMan08

uhm, to be plain and simple....the community...though my long term relationship I have alienated all of my friends, and am stuck with one woman, whom is now my ex.

I have no serious friends to talk to, and I have no one else I feel comfortable telling my struggles to. If I internalize these situations and live with them, I cannot get better. No one else knows these spots I put myself in. Most of you should know I seek no attention.

Who knows, maybe I don't belong here. Being truthful doesn't always work out in todays world. Wanting help, and knowing you need it, but still using here and there is something that none of us have ever did. Sure, am I a failure....sure.....but whatever. I live my life and I get on with it, whether I drank 18 of my parents beers or not. Because, I know I f*cked up sure, I know! And I am sure I will feel guilty as crap tomorrow, but I will also know I brought it upon myself.

What are your sobriety intentions?


I JUST WANNA SPIKE A VOLLEY BALL RIGHT NOW!!!!!

stone

The post about whether to tell your Dad you took 8 beers from the cooler?

Does it matter?

Ananda

Read back through to see your questions. Acknowleging that I did something wrong has not been particularly helpful to me if I am not willing to change...which I can't do in a blackout. Tell your parents or don't...probably won't make much difference.

Asking a sponsor drunk? Well, every call I made to AA drunk or sober helped me get on the path. I had several people in AA who were willing to talk to me if I wasn't too drunk and if I had a real desire to stop drinking.

It sounds to me like you want to moderate...which AA can't help with. I could be reading this wrong as emails don't always communicate well. I shouldn't really be trying to judge your desire level. But some responses may be based on how you come across.

I hope you find/have a desire to stop drinking and do what you need to to get off it.

Anna

No one has called you a failure.

As long as you are seeking help, you are never a failure.

There is always support here for you, as you try to stop drinking.

MagicMan08

i think i need to call him and tell him i am struggling and ask him to be my sponsor.......i donnoo....whatever it takes i guess....it has almost been a year since hazelden and I have not found a sponsor and that was kind of a large part in the speaker everynight.... i am too scared to simply ask, and the main meetings i go to don't make it painfully obvious that people are willing to sponsor, so i am not one to go out and do it. He really is the only guy who has kinda said he sponsors in his chats, and he has made a point to affect on my major alcoholic points at the meetings after i share.....

stone

Are you drunk now Magicman? It might explain why you arent making much sense.

Once again I am not being holier than thou, I have posted drunk myself.