SugarLily

I think this is going to be a very real scenario for me. I'm petrified.

I have a mortgage with my ex. I first moved out well over a year ago (should've been a warning sign enough) Well ex stayed in the house. I lived at my parents. Around April last year ex decided to renovate the house to win me back. He stripped the whole entire kitchen out. The works. The house is basically just a shell now that cannot be lived in. Ex then lost his job and could not finish the work.

So he's been living with me at my parents house. Now he's back at his parents house. I still don't think he appreciates its over. I keep getting messages begging me back and they hurt so much.

Well, sorry for getting side tracked but due to ex's drinking habits, he's been having trouble paying the mortgage. He told me on Saturday that the bank is preparing legal action if a payment is not made this month.

I'm currently trying to sort a loan out to pay off our debts and install a kitchen so that the house can be sold - we make money and head our seperate ways. I'm starting to wonder if its just better to cut my losses and let the innevitable happen? Let the bank take the house, lose money, admit defeat?

I'm still alive aren't I? Is bankruptcy that big a deal?

best

Hello Lily

Look at what I have in the quote.
You are getting mixed messages?
What kind of message are you sending?

I'm moving, you stay.
Ok come live here.
Go away
and now he wants you to repeat.
Has he changed? Has the reason you moved out changed?

As for the house... Talk with a realestate agent and ask them what can be done. Maybe selling it as is before the bank takes it? The effort and cost of putting in a new kitchen (plus time restraints and headaches) So you may gain a few more dollars or run out of time before it get sold. Will the effort be worth the extra you "might" get?

Bankruptcy sits on your credit score for 7 years. Without a banlruptcy but a bad credit score...you may find 10 of 100 lenders that would give you a loan. Once a bankruptcy is listed, you may find 1 or 2 lenders of the 100 that would give you a very high rate loan.
So is it that bad? For 7 years it could be and it can still follow you after that.
FHA says no to anyone that has had a bankruptcy.

Talk with an agent...now, this week.
Talk with the bank as well and find out what your options are.
They may forgo taking the house if you tell them your plan to sell it ASAP.
You selling it saves them from trying to sell it. Lenders have enough forclosed houses and will deal with you if they can so they don't add another.

SugarLily

Thanks best - you are right about the mixed messages. It was always me that called time on the relationship then gave him a second, third, fourth, fifth chance when he started begging. To be honest I think the last time I gave things "another go" I knew deep down I will be hurt yet again. I need to not soften and make "another go" of things because it isn't fair on him.

The house is a huge strain on my mental health, it really is. I'm scared it isn't in a sellable state at the moment though - thats why I need the loan.

You are right though - I will do my best to avoid bankruptcy. I guess I'll have a sit down with my dad tonight and talk about the pro's and cons. It is hard enough working through a break up with out the added stress of money problems.

Thanks again

Barbara52

Do you have much equity in the house? If not, you may want to consider just signing over the house to the mortgage company.

SugarLily

No Barbara, I doubt we have any.

We were talked into a mortgage in which for the first three years, only interest was paid off. So we have barely cut into it at all.

We added double glazing and new doors last year but apart from that - its a mess. I wanted to put in central heating, a kitchen and laminate flooring throughout with a good lick of paint.

The house is in a really good area. I know house prices are falling in the UK though which is a worry.


I just don't know the best way to turn.

Lilyflower

Sugarlily,

Speak to the Citizens Advice Beareu. i turned to them when faced with repossesion. There are many options out there!

lily xxxxxxxxxxx

SugarLily

Hey Lily, I had them on my list to do today...

I've had a terrible day, huge arguments with the ex. I told him I want it repossessing - just want it all gone. He said I can't get a house after that happens, I said "yeah for about 6 years or so" and he got so angry saying "what about me?"

Anyway I've been crying - work told me to go home but ex called back saying his friend wants to buy the house. He knows what state its in too.

I'm scared to get too excited about this but if that happens it would be the best news I've ever had.

*fingers crossed*

Kindeyes

Hey Sugarlily......breathe. This is a huge weight on your shoulders. But I agree with what was posted earlier. There are a lot of people out there who are looking for houses to fix up. Selling it "as is" may be a better option than letting it go back to the bank.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that the ex's friend buys the house!

Whatever happens though.......you will survive.

gentle hugs

SugarLily

Thank you Kindeyes x

And yes - I will survive. Sure its no picnic losing / wasting money but I need to remember money can be replaced! A psychic lady I went to see two months ago told me "no one ever went to jail for owing money" and you know - she's right.

I stayed with my ex for a lot longer than I would have done without the financial problems, but my health was suffering as a result.

I really hope his friend buys the house.

Lilyflower

Even if it goes to court for repossesion, its unlikely the judge will order that if you can prove you can pay the mortgage each month and a little more to cover the arrears. He can issue a 'deferred repossesion order' where you have to keep up the agreed amount until the debt is gone. This is what they done for me.

My mortgage lender has now agreed after 10 months of repayment that the remainder arrears can be added to my capital so I am in the green and ask for a better rate to lower my monthly payments.

Keep your head up, and do just a little at a time.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Rella927

SugarLily...sorry that you are struggling through this!

Not fair on YOU!

About the house a lot of great advice above! With my own experience-When my husband passed away-I was able to make the mortgage payment only for so long-this was many years ago when there was not a lot of other ways to get out of bank repo's. My father in-law had stolen a lot of money from me and I was terrified of losing my home that I had worked so hard for.

Unfortunate for me I had to declare bankruptcy and they foreclosed on my home. I would IMHO take the suggestions from above and find ways to possible sell the house before they take it. If I knew back then what I know now-I would have done things differently.

Hang in there!

SugarLily

Thanks, yes and I know its not been fair on me. What I meant was that I have a feeling the last couple of times that I agreed that we could make it work, in my head AND heart I already knew that its just not possible for me to feel this was a real relationship any longer. Each time he'd hurt me, a little bit more of me died inside. I started resenting him for everything that had become. I was agreeing to make things work because I felt I was "saving him" "helping him". I realise now that that was a codie mentality. By staying with him when my heart was no longer was not fair on him. I was self sacrificing myself - does that make some sense?

I've come to the realisation that each time we made another go of things I was remembering all the good times rather than actually admitting to myself that the way he treated me whether drunk or not - was not acceptable. I let it go on far too long. It was a volatile relationship - I admit that now.

I feel a bit more positive today, after speaking to the bank and hearing about the possibility of a buyer.

I still have a huge cloud over my head but instead of a big fat storm cloud - perhaps its replaced with a smaller grey one. Sounds stupid - but it's the way I'm seeing it!

Sorry to hear what you went through (((hugs))). You are an inspiration though - you lost the house - BUT you also got through it. x