avasmiles

Hello all,
It has been 5 months since my husband and I made love. He has been away at treatment.. now hes back over a week and we still have not been intimate. Is this very common?? Im trying for it not to bother me and be patient and understanding.. I dont want to push him. He is very affectionate..Kisses,hugs,,etc.. thats it... I guess Im so ready considering its been so long and just wondering if this is a common experience for newly recovering alcoholics or should I worry and seek out help.. We do have a therapist meeting in a few days and wondering if I should even bring it up.
He doesnt seem to be communicating his wishes to me up front, so I just dont bring it up.. Any suggestions?? I know he just arrived home and Im sure everything is new for him.. Trying to understand even though my hormones are going bonkers!!!!
Thanks
Avasmiles

peaceteach

I think it would be okay to just ask him, Ava. Maybe he's scared that YOU don't want to?

Hanginon

when my ah was discharged from detox it took about 2 weeks before he wanted anything to do with sex again. I think it was a guilt thing. They know how much crap they have put us all through, that's a lot to deal with sober.

Sweetiepie1

Snap; his councellor warned me it was a distinct possibility, she said that many A's are so used to having sex when they've had a drink that some find it difficult to when they haven't. Not sure what the reasons are but have spoken to my A about it and he says that he feels more inhibited sober.

I'd try not to worry about it too much, especially if he's being cuddly and tactile, hopefully it'll right eventually. It's not about him being uninterested in you, more about his thoughts and emotions dealing with sober sex; just my take on it, for what it's worth

hbb

Ditto.....it changed alot, but he was affectionate too, it was upto me for the most part. It might be a good idea to talk at your appt. but i don't think it's abnormal at all especially how soon it is after treatment.

queenteree

Anvilhead - just wanted to throw in this thread that you really always do know what to say - so "for real" and "upfront". You're great!

I agree w/the others though, having been thru my AH recovering twice (once he was sober for 14 years). They aren't used to having sex sober, and I think are alittle apprehensive about it. Don't worry, after a while it will be fine!

Tally

I'm in kinda the same boat as you..Mine has been sober for nearly 12 weeks and isn't showing any interest in sex, but then he didn't whilst he was drinking either...we haven't been intimate in any way for about 2 years now, he's still cuddly and tactile but there's only so much hand-holding and cuddling a girl can do, lol

Anvilhead I do remember when all I wanted was for him to stop drinking, but I wanted him to stop drinking so things would change, one of them being that he might get his sex drive back. I figure 12 weeks is teeny and I shouldn't expect any changes as big as this yet, so am being patient, but can totally relate to Avasmiles regarding the hormones, lol

Kindeyes

One day at a time.....one thing at a time.

Live in the today and try to enjoy the hugs and cuddles and give him time to adapt to sober life. Enjoy each day that he stays sober. Ask yourself......would you rather have sex with a uninhibited drunk or cuddles and affection from a sober man?

gentle hugs