lexusgirl

Last night I was up pretty late. Watching TV and studying, and of course thinking about my xabf; knowing he is "out there" getting wasted, and of course I worry a lot about him getting arrested or hurting or killing someone else while driving drunk.

As I was thinking about all this, I suddenly see red and blue police lights through my window. They were pretty bright as the cop had the guy pulled over right in front of my house. My heart sank. I watched the cop give the guy a field sobriety test and the guy couldn't even stand up. He was handcuffed and taken away.

As I watched, I felt all these sad and fearful emotions. I guess because I'm now so aware of the effects of alcohol. I'm glad the cops are cracking down more on drunk drivers; it makes me feel a little more safe.

Anyway not sure why I posted this, just wanted to get it all out as I keep thinking about it.

LucyA

lexusgirl, I live a minutes walk from my brothers house and between his house and the police station and ambulance station, I can't count the times I've hoped the blue lights were for him.

The police to stop him driving drunk.
The ambulance to get him somewhere he can get help.

None of them ever have been up to now but I live in hope there.

Thinking of you:ghug3

Mair

Hi Lex, i too am more aware of the downside of alcohol, i guess i take more notice of it because of my experience with an alcoholic. There's a guy i used to know years ago who used to be a successful business man, always nicely dressed bla bla, i saw him about 7 months ago and didnt recognise him, i remember posting here about him cos i was so upset cos he looked a mess and i realised that if my now xab carried on like he did he too would end up the same.

Well on Friday i saw this same man again, this time looking worse and in a wheelchair, he looks about 80, he is 54 and is now living in an old peoples apartment. on his lap was a brown paper bag with a bottle of alcohol in it.

Straight away i think of my x, i guess that will never go away, although it didnt hurt so much this time.

im not a very religious person Lex but these days i leave the worrying about him to God, what ever will be will be i guess.

Take care

Mair

lexusgirl

I can relate Lucy...I kept starring into the lights last night envisioning the guy was my xabf. He drives drunk a lot, and I too only want the best for him; hoping the lights would be for him so he can get to a place where he can find help.

loner1968

Lexus
this happened to me too for a long time after xabf left. I was still in the mode of waiting up all night and every siren i heard would send me into a panic attack. This doesnt happen anymore. I used to watch the news every morning to make sure he wasnt dead. I guess his comments of wanting to drive his truck into a wall didnt help. manipulation. I used to PRAY that he would get pulled over but the last time that happend he just had to pay money and I drove him to court (enabler). He did a weekend in jail and that was it. No AA no anything. I have no idea how this happened but it sure hapened! Anyway you will be kind of freaked out for awhile until your mind can wrap itself around everything.
I know how this feels and i hope it goes away soon for you.

laurie6781

To lighten this up a bit and at the same time take it a step further..........................Many of you know I am a recovering alkie as well as in Alanon and both for a long long time now.

Well starting back in '92 when I was still healthy, every New Year's Eve about 10pm my Deputy Sheriff Friend would show up at my house with a big thermos of some exotic coffee his wife had made for me, pick me up and off to the Bat Mobile we would go, where I would spend my New Year's Eve, writing up the DUI's at the Sobriety Check Point on the worst road around here, roflmao Now how's that for irony? The alkie that should have had many DUI's and didn't get a one, sitting there writing up the paperwork on DUI's. I still chuckle. I just figured every paper I wrote up on a DUI was one life or more saved that night.

How's that for a turn around. Yes it can happen. Do not give up hope for the hopeless, just keep 'toxic' people out of your life.

That my dear friends, was the HARDEST lesson of all for me to learn!

Love and hugs,

hbb

We did that last summer. We were away for a wedding in NH and when we got back to the hotel they were doing sobriety checks at the driveway past our hotel. I was good because everyone stopped was coming from a heavy drinking area. We watched them on the hill, very interesting and glad they did it. It was all ages, from young to much older.....they have random ones around here town to town which i think is also good!

i4getsm

While reading your post, I completely expected you to say that it was XABF getting the DUI in front of your house. I know what you mean about hoping it would happen so he could get help. However, my STBXAH got a DUI in February, and he never lost his license and nothing has really happened so far. It was almost like a slap on the wrist. I thought it would snap him out of his insanity but alas, he still hasn't reached his "bottom" yet.

Take care. I know you worry about him still. I wish I could tell you to snap out of it and think how much better it feels to be "over it" with the A in our life, but I'm right there with you. (((HUGS)))

lexusgirl

Wow i4-curious what state you reside in. Where I live, they're pretty tough. I think it's a mandatory 90 day license suspension as well as a hefty fine and probation. Also 1 or 2 days jail time for the first offense.

Thanks for your kind replies ((((everyone)))):ghug2:ghug2

i4getsm

I'm in SC. It "should" be a 90 day suspension, but the cop didn't show for the license hearing and so that portion was dropped. I found the whole thing incredibly strange. Why stop him if you aren't even going to show up for the hearing??? He will still have the DUI hearing at some point, but I don't even know what the consequence of that will be. Just weird. I guess they figure for a 1st timer that it's not worth going?

lexusgirl

Thats really odd. Although thats not usually the case. I've worked as a paralegal to a defense attorney and in my state they were pretty harsh and very willing to prosecute.

Chrysalis123

My STBXAH had a near fatal DUI 7 years ago. Totaled the vehicle and lost a limb. Police were at the hospital and our home discussing the consequences and charges. SHowed up for the hearing and the charges were mysteriously dropped. I suspect his rich powerful friends had something to do with it.

Anyway, for years I would panic at any late night phone calls becuase I received the one that went, "Your AH has been in a severe accident and is on his way to the hospital." I asked is he alive and they replied the hospital will tell you more.

I asked AH to please never give me a late night call or a reason for one. He was considerate for a year or two and then it started up again. I now know my "acceptable behavior barometer" was severely broken!!

Now a late night call is just that. I realize I deserve the same treatment I give to others and I will never be that sad little person I once was again. I am making progress step by tiny step.

FormerDoormat

The older I get, LexusGirl, the less I believe in coincidences. Pehaps this was your HP's way of reminding you of the chaos that goes along with an attachment to someone who's an alcoholic. Perhaps this reminder was meant to keep you pointed in the right direction--the opposite path that your boyfriend has chosen. Like MallowCup said recently, this incident offered you a peek in your rearview mirror, a view of the people you're leaving behind, as you're heading out in a new, healthier direction.

This could have been a scenario that played out with your boyfriend in front of your home, but not any more. Those days are over. And what a blessing that is.

Blessings come in many forms. This scenario needent bring sadness but hope for a brighter, happier future. Because you are free at last.

lexusgirl

Very possible FD...I also thought it was sooo weird, as it wasn't like the cop was pulled up across the street or where I couldn't see him. Actually it was right outside my window when I peeked outside. Like my future of what could have been was flashing before me. Very odd...

peaceteach

I believe FD completely on this one, Lexus. As for your HP, well, he wasn't being too subtle this time, what with the sirens and flashing lights and all. Kinda like "HEY! LEXUS! HEL-LO??!!"

rkymtncowboy

You are never safe from drunk drivers. My son was killed about 4:30 on a Friday afternoon. That was back in 1989 and Oregon is really lax on drunk drivers. The guy got hardy any jail time, the judge said that I could have another child. Never did my wife now can't have kids.
At least you are not enabling him to drive drunk. It seems with alcohol a lot of things are odd. People that should die survive and the one that should live die.

FormerDoormat

I'm so sorry for your loss, Cowboy.

lexusgirl

((((rkymtn))))

I'm so sorry about your son.

Chrysalis123

I'm so sorry for your loss Cowboy.