Gman813

My AW has been sober just over 4 months now, and doing well for the most part. She says she has no desire to drink, she's on meds to control cravings (campral) that is working for her. But for the past 2 weeks I'm seeing red flags popping up, B.S. reasons to miss out-pt therpy, started smoking again 4-5 nights a week.

When I say something about it, I hear that I'm trying to control her and should let her do what she feels is O.K. Well, I did that for years and it took her job to get her to see there was a problem. She walked through the door at rehab saying, she wanted to get off the booze & pills (prescribed AD's), but still wanted to smoke.

Is it possible that I am making mountians out of mole hills? Lord knows I made mole hills out of mountians for a long time, and just sat back and watched her self destruct waiting for the bottom.

ToughChoices

I've found that when I start asking the question, "Is it possible that ....?" I usually already know the answer.

It's just not the answer that I want.

Give yourself some credit here, Gman. Of course you know the red flags, the signs of alcoholic behavior - you've lived with an alcoholic for years.
You are not crazy.
You are not paranoid.
You are freaked out by a situation that has hurt you in the past.

My AH recently relapsed after a period of sobriety, and I pretty much knew that it was coming. He stopped being compassionate and concerned about how his behavior affected others, and returned to his classic "the world has done me wrong - I deserve some relief" attitude.

These signs don't necessarily mean that your AW is going to drink, but they do mean that she is continuing to behave in ways that are hurtful to you.
And that matters.

Take care.
-TC

laurie6781

I don't know if its Red flags or not.

I do know from my own experience that I gave up alcohol, drugs, and cigs all at the same time. At about 3 months or so I told my sponsor I CAN'T STAND IT, I have to smoke and she said okay.

What I found out later, it was just TOO MUCH to do all at one time. I had to concentrate on the more serious problem of the booze and drugs. I did that, then later worked on the quitting smoking, which btw I found out was MUCH HARDER for me than the Alcohol and Drugs and I was real bad with that, living the last year and a half of my using on the streets of Hollyweird. Oh and I will have 27 years On June 7th, so................................................ .................

Maybe and likely giving it all up at once is just too stressful.

Also questioning her and probing will only make her withdraw more. Maybe, maybe back off a bit. Have you tried Alanon for you? If not, it wouldn't hurt to try at least 6 meetings, and if you are attending Alanon, this might be a great time to increase your meeting attendance for YOU.

J M H O

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

geees poncho

quiting the booze, drugs, and smokes,
is asking A LOT way to much, to soon.
EASY DOES IT
ONE DAY AT A TIME