Beachbum2856

My son and his wife drink a lot. Her sister even complains about her drinking and putting her 6 year old son (my grandson) in danger. They both drink and drive, and son got a DUI last fall, and is still drinking and driving.

I get upset and them blab to my daughter. We never hear from my son (he's 27), as he's hanging out wife's family 99% of the time when not working, and they all drink. Daughter misses her brother and feels like he's bad off with the drinking.

Anytime anything is said to my son or his wife about the drinking it looks like it's coming from me, like I'm the one spreading rumours or gossiping. Now their father (my ex) is involved. He wants to go to their house and just see son for himself, because he also feels like he's in trouble with the drinking and other addictions too. He also notices that son doesn't call us or associates with us any more, just her side of the family.

I just want to be able to see my grandson and make sure he's o.k. And I'm so tired of the alcohol abuse. Son is so verybally abusive to me that I told my ex that I didn't have a son anymore, that I disown him and can't deal with it anymore. I was sobbing and just couldn't take it anymore.

Should we at this point have an intervention? It would only be my family talking to them though. And of course it would look like I started all of this.

Barbara52

You might want to take to some professionals about doing an intervention. They can be very difficult.

At this point it might be better for you to start dealing with your problems and issues resulting from their alcoholism. Perhaps give AlAnon a try? Or talk to a therapist?

Ang102

Being able to admit to your family you have a alcohol problem is a very hard thing to do. I know. Been there done that. You don't believe you have one. You don't see what you are doing to the other members of your family. Until you finally admit it to yourself - then get the guts to admit it to the rest of your family. I hid most of my drinking and I don't live near close family - so I could get away with it. It blew my family to bits when I finally admitted it. They were supportive. I finally got help. Until the person can admit it themselves - there is not much hope.

CatsPajamas

It's a difficult situation. Your son is in there somewhere, he's just being hidden by that horrible disease of alcoholism.

It took me awhile to learn the 3 C's - I didn't cause it, I couldn't control and I couldn't cure it. I learned a few more C's along the way~ choices and consequences.

Ultimately, I had a talk with my son. I told him : I love you so much, you're so smart and I know you're going to find your way. I think if he had a baby, I'd offer to take care of the child whenever I could so that we (grandchild and I) would have time together.

Hugs and love
Cats

Spiritual Seeker

If you do an intervention now he will probably only resent you and refuse to go and
isolate more. When someone disapproves of their lifestyle, it is easiest to shun the messenger than change.
Perhaps a good 1st step would be to try and build some type of nonjudgemental relationship + bond 1st with you son and to be able to have more access to your grandchild. W/o a relationship he won't be receptive and see your intervention as coming from a loving place.
If building a relationship isn't possible sometimes we have to detach.
Perhaps the message of addiction would be better talked about by his father.
No doubt abt. it, not easy when our grown kids are addicts/alcoholics.
Her family must be accepting their behavior.