brentsgirl

Maybe it's naive of me, maybe it's another form of denial, but I have made a decision today that in order for me to move on from my exabf, I need to stop talking about his addiction and trying to figure him out. Therefore, I did not go to my nar-anon meeting tonight, haven't kept in contact with his mom or daughter, and packed away the last of the reminders here of him. From here on out, I am gonna work on me, I cannot and will not dwell on what happened, lies I believed, the ways he has hurt me, etc. What I have learned throughout this whole ordeal is that I have codependency traits and I need to work on them so that I never put myself in the situation I was in with him. But I also have learned that I am a mighty strong woman.:codiepolice

splendra

(((stella))))

So glad to here you got your groove back. Keep moving forward!! Also still be gentle with yourself....

funkzter

you go girl!
You sound well into the groovy path ;P

Ann

Sounds like a solid plan for a healthier life, stick with it girl.

Then go to your meeting and spend the night talking about YOU...not how he affected you but how YOU want to live your life from this day forward and how you plan to get there. You'll be amazed how good that will feel and the newcomer will see something in you that they want.

When we reach our "enough" point, it's not over, it's when we finally care about ourselves "enough" to move forward unburdened by the past.

Hugs

Serenity8

This is exactly what I was thinking. There was a time I sat in al-anon meetings resenting that I had to be there because of him. Then slowly but surely a change happened and I realized that I was there for me, because I was just as sick as he is. And if I don't get well, I'll find myself in the same situation with someone else someday, because these patterns have a way of following us everywhere.

And good for you, you go get your groove back!!:ghug3

brentsgirl

OK, minor set back. Here I am thinking I am doing so well and his mom writes to me today online and go right back to thinking about him, worrying and finding myself asking about his recovery (10 days clean). UUUGGGHHHHHH!!! Why can't I just have a casual conversation without it going back to him, his addiction and his on again off again recovery? He occupied my thoughts for the rest of the day!!!

itisatruth

"Sometimes we'll take a few steps backward. That's okay too. Sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes it's part of going forward.
--Codependent No More"

This is from a "Just for Today" that Ann posted earlier today--check it out if you haven't already. Personally, I find things from those posts everyday that help me deal with life with an addict.

Change is hard sometimes and can take time, but it can also be a very good thing. You're on the path, keep moving.......

((hugs))

Impurrfect

Remember, this is a roller coaster ride...ups and downs for a while.

If I were you, I would still go to alanon meetings because it actually helps you to get your focus back on you.

I am working on my codie behaviors because I've had only 3 major relationships and all 3 men were alcoholics and/or addicts. I want to learn how to stop picking emotionally unavailable men.

Don't worry about back-sliding...it happens. You already sound so much better than when you first came here. You've made a lot of progress and as long as you work on YOU, you'll make a lot more.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

BayAreaPhoenix

(((brentsgirl)))

Good for you for deciding to work on you for you!

As the saying goes, "we didn't become addicted (codependent) in one day, so easy does it..."

(((hugs)))

patchoulli

Six months after Keith died I met a nice guy at a bike rally. The next day we had plans to meet for breakfast and I crashed my bike and was pretty scraped up. I called him to cancel and he came down the hiway and followed me home, bandaged me up and away we went...for a while...After a few months, I felt I had enough meetings, and enough of this site..."I moved on, he isn't an addict"...Just because he wasnt' an addict didn't mean I was better...I wasn't...I found out that my behaviors, thoughts, patterns, and ways of dealing with intimacy and emotions was the problem...not someone elses actions and behaviors...The work that has to be done is on myself...lots of it...Getting better every day....Marian