nowwhat

XAH and I separated a little over a year ago, and the divorce was final a couple of months ago.

I am left with a mountain of debt (shortly before we split, in crazy attempt to keep us from going bankrupt, we transfered all of the debt into my name since my credit rating was better--ugh)

So, I make a very small income (teacher, first year back to work) and he has an excellent sales job (makes anywhere from 100-250 K a year). In the divorce settlement, he is supposed to pay me 15K for the credit card bills.

Guess who has not received one red cent? And to take him to court is simply unaffordable.

What do I do? I am so tired of fighting with him. I do not want to go to court. He is completely out of control financially and in every other way, so when he says he doesn't have it, he probably doesn't.

I really don't want to have to pay this, or file for bankruptcy, but at what point do you just give up the fight?

I am feeling very burdened and victimized, which I hate.

Help, anyone?

Serenity8

Can you have the debt split or transferred back into his name? I guess this is a question you could ask your divorce lawyer. What if your lawyer wrote him a letter stating that he needs to pay you what you are owed? Would that frighten him enough to move things along?

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Divorce is never pretty in the best of circumstances; throw the dysfunction of alcohol in, and it's really messy.

Barbara52

The divorce agreement is enforceable in court. You may not need an attorney to do so. Try calling the clerk at the court and see if you can get some answers on how to proceed.

TriHarder

Take care of basic necessities first: Mortgage/Rent, Food, Clothing, Transportation, Utilities. Nobody (including creditors) gets paid until you have the basics. The grocery store won't call and harrass you if you don't pay their bill...only creditors know how to pray on those who are vulnerable. Per the post above, your ex is in contempt of court. You don't need a lawyer to show the court that. Show signs of strength and committment. Just because you ex is weakened by alcoholism (and probably also immaturity, selfishness, irresponsibility, and stupidity...like all us men), don't give into being a victim or letting him be a victim. Judges are not very nice to "boys" who pull down 200K and choose to disobey divorce decrees and court orders. If he does hit rock bottom, disappears, loses job, etc, then write the creditors with the story and see if they will settle once you have some money. Most will settle for 30-cents on the dollar if they realize that you could very easily be considering bankruptsy. But DON'T declare bankruptsy. Your aren't bankrupt. You are scared and in a crisis...which will pass. Be strong. Get some good people to walk with you through this (church?).
Hang in there.

laurie6781

I'm with Barbara on this one. Call the Clerk of the Court. This is a Judgement against him and see how to Garnishee his wages.

It will cost him more, because he also has to pay the fee for each garnishment, every week, two weeks, twice a month whatever, you get the idea. Usually they will 'cough it up' just to stop the garnishments.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

baileyboop

praying for you and your situation. I feel you pain and have walked this road as well. Keep your peace and take it one day at a time.

Pajarito

(((Nowwhat))) I don't have any advice- I'm in the middle of divorcing my AH, so I feel your pain. I am also looking at a lot of scary financial stuff. Take care- hopefully B52's advice is just what will work for you. . . easier than taking him back to court.

i4getsm

I agree with the other posters on this...go to the clerk of court. Have them garnish his wages. And, you can also contact your creditors and ask for them to reduce the amount you owe. Offer to pay them in full in a lump sum if you can. Do not pay a lump sum and then have them finance the rest. Google it - I think I searched under "paying reduced amount credit card" or something like that. I haven't done it yet, still trying to come up with the money to pay some of them off. (Be sure to get your agreement with them in writing before you pay. Also, be sure it says that the creditors will set your account to "paid in full", not "settlement" or the like so that your credit report looks good, kwim?) I'm right there with you. In process of divorcing, mountains of debt and STBXAH just lost his job. Lovely times.

Barbara52

If you do end up having to get an attorney to deal with it, you are likely to get them awarded to you by the courts.

nowwhat

Thank you for all of the support.:ghug3

I managed to be completely overwhelmed this week--three more weeks of work (teaching), finishing my master's thesis and my kids were gone the first part of the week. I feel a little more like I can do this (life) today, but I'm still depressed.

I'm really happy to know that I might be able to get the money without a huge lawyer bill. I let him off really, really easy in the divorce (I hadn't worked in years and could have asked for maintenance, but all I asked for was child support and for him to pay the debt HE ran up, spending is another of his addictions).

I really get confused between what is worth fighting over and what isn't. Money anxiety is really difficult for me--it is probably what really led me out of the marriage. I felt like I couldn't control AH's out of control spending, and the effects on my mental health were just too much