puddinface

Hello to all my friends. It has been a couple months since I've been posting. I sit here today and feel as though I am about to lose my marbles. My 21 year old son was in jail for 47 days (due to Viol. of Probation - DOC:Cocaine). We made it through that situation. He then was released in February and was doing fabulous - drug free, working hard, looking great - I mean I was so relieved that I felt like my two years of hell was finally coming to an end. The last couple of weeks I suspected something wasnt right and proceeded to do a little snooping. Thats when I found it: a little baggy and syringes. BAM! I felt like I was hit with a ton of bricks. I confronted him today and told him "Give up the drugs, get help or get out!!!" I cant cope with this again. I hope that I did the right thing...I love him so much but cant take this drug situation anymore. Everytime he walks out the door, I have knots in my stomach, cant sleep, yada, yada, yada. You guys all got me through the situation when he was in jail and I appreciated each and every one of you for your help and support. Just needed to vent a little. I know you all understand. Please say a prayer for me. I lost it today. Pud...

Chino

I'm sorry you're hurting and it's unavoidable because you love him.

I don't think you lost it, I think you found it. That is, the road to your own recovery and serenity. Prayers for you on this journey and prayers for your son too.

Freedom1990

I'll definitely keep you in my prayers.

My 30 year old daughter is still using/drinking, and I sleep well at night knowing I have firmly placed her in God's loving care

deedee

(((puddin)))

I'm sorry your son has relapsed, but your boundaries are more than fair. When I first came here, I was at the point where I had had enough and just couldn't have my son in our home anymore. I was in deep danger of going down with him and making him leave was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It hasn't been an easy road ... there have been many twists and turns, but neither of us would be where we are today if I hadn't taken a big step back and focused on my recovery instead of his.

I hope your son finds a better path and you can find some peace.

Hugs and prayers ~

deedee

Lobo

(((Puddin)))

So sorry to hear that things went south again. You just never know, and just when you thought things were all good. I know the feeling of being punched in the stomach.
He did it before and he will do it again. If you can stick to your boundaries maybe it will be the thing that helps him.

I wish you the best........Lo

katie44

Sorry this has happened. We kicked our son out in November 21 years old, relapsed after 3 days home from rehab. Will not let him move back in at any cost. Too many relapes over the last 4 years. Stick to your boundaries. It is much easier not to have them live in your home.You will sleep much better.
Prayers to you and your son.

caileesnana

I know how mad this makes you and how hurt. It is so hard when it's your child. But, I have learned that I truly can't do anything but love my AD. The rest is entirely up to her. She also relapsed after being back home. I finally learned, no more! There is a book called "Hit by a Ton of bricks" that is good, I thought of it when I read your post.
Prayers from another mom,
susan

puddinface

Thanks guys! You're always here to lend an ear. I had a long talk with my ex-husband (his dad) and filled him in on the things I found. I'm hoping that I get some support on his end with my son. (I'm not expecting miracles as he has substance issues himself) And I've started praying again...Thanks as always for listening.

Spiritual Seeker

((((((((((((((PUDINFACE))))))))))))
It is so tough we we see them do well and then BAM!!!!!!
We do feel better when we think they are better, no doubt abt. it.
I tried my son home a couple of times after rehabs. Never worked for very long becasue as he quickly relapsed the chaos, lies, protecting + hiding my assets, worrym+ fear made life with him in the home unbearable.
We just can't accept the intolerable for our own serenity.
It hurts to be in the spin cycle when you hoped he had learned some lessons in jail.
He has to go lower and learn more. I pray he gets to this point.
A front row seat from your couch is not good for you.
Wishing you peace + strength to make decisions that are apporp. in your home.

lil516

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through...

my son "found it" and "lost it" more than once and each time was so painful.....
I tried not to get sucked back into the chaos but I usually did and then had to crawl out of a hole myself

please try to hold onto your recovery tools...
he did it once and can do it again but it is all up to him

ugh...I've had moments when I've looked at my son and actually thought "too bad I'm not the addict instead of him...I'd be able to beat this"....guess that shows that i just don't get it at times...LOL

please know I am praying for you and your son...

Impurrfect

((((puddin)))))

I'm so sorry he relapsed, but I think you are doing great!

When I relapsed 14 months ago, it was really bad. My family and friends said they felt like I kicked them in their stomach.

But it took that relapse to prove to me that it got really bad, really fast. I hope that he finds his way back to recovery soon.

Keep your focus on you, sweetie....he's gonna do what he's gonna do.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

marle

I am sorry that he relapsed but you did learn a valuable lesson. You can't help with his recovery and letting him live with you does not work. Next time tell him to find other accomodations like a halfway house or other sober living arrangements. Hugs, Marle