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New and so not new

Old 05-07-2008, 08:09 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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New and so not new

Hello all,
I'm Debbie, and my 20 year old son is an addict. I am in recovery. I did not do it with AA, although I am grateful for what I did take from my experiences with the program. I found my path. Ironicly, an online support group saved my life in every sense of the word. It's been almost 6 years now. I spent a lot of time wondering which one of my kids would follow in my footsteps, now I know. He has been in treatment for 9 days now. His DOC is benzos and pot.

I am the creator of reachingupforair and anyone who visits will see my journey...and my advocacy. My story has been published online here and there. And somehow, I missed what was under my very nose.

Now I'm on the other side. The side that shows me what I didn't see when I was in a blackout, the side that shows me what my family went through with me, and the side of me that really hated treatment. I'm sure there isn't an emotion that I haven't felt these last 9 days. Especially when I talk to my husband and he simply says...I know.

I'm struggling to cope with my own feelings of parenting by guilt from the past, how to not use my lessons in recovery to try to "fix" my son...and so much more.

I'm just reading and trying to keep myself grounded using many differant support systems.

I'm feeling selfish for being so cautious of my own recovery, hypocritical for judging his actions and really running out of ways to be the recovering person, the mom who keeps telling him he can't come home if he continues to live this way, and the old me who understand exactly how he feels right now.

Whew...got that out.
My story is here...so perhaps that will give you an idea where I'm coming from. It's the one with the baby drinking a beer.

Debbie's Story


I built up my fight for recovery..I didn't plan for this. I should have.

Thanks all for being here. I'll keep reading.

Debbie

Last edited by Anna; 05-08-2008 at 04:25 AM. Reason: Typos
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Old 05-07-2008, 08:39 PM
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thanks for sharing Debbie. prayers going up for your son. Sheila
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