Language of Letting Go - May 5 - Control
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - May 5 - Control
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Control
Many of us have been trying to keep the whole world in orbit with sheer and forceful application of mental energy.
What happens if we let go, if we stop trying to keep the world orbiting and just let it whirl? It'll keep right on whirling. It'll stay right on track with no help from us. And we'll be free and relaxed enough to enjoy our place on it.
Control is an illusion, especially the kind of control we've been trying to exert. In fact, controlling gives other people, events, and diseases, such as alcoholism, control over us. Whatever we try to control does have control over our life and us.
I have given this control to many things and people in my life. I have never gotten the results I wanted from controlling or trying to control people. What I received for my efforts is an unmanageable life, whether that unmanageability was inside me or in external events.
In recovery, we make a trade off. We trade a life that we have tried to control, and we receive in return something better - a life that is manageable.
Today, I will exchange a controlled life for one that is manageable.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Control
Many of us have been trying to keep the whole world in orbit with sheer and forceful application of mental energy.
What happens if we let go, if we stop trying to keep the world orbiting and just let it whirl? It'll keep right on whirling. It'll stay right on track with no help from us. And we'll be free and relaxed enough to enjoy our place on it.
Control is an illusion, especially the kind of control we've been trying to exert. In fact, controlling gives other people, events, and diseases, such as alcoholism, control over us. Whatever we try to control does have control over our life and us.
I have given this control to many things and people in my life. I have never gotten the results I wanted from controlling or trying to control people. What I received for my efforts is an unmanageable life, whether that unmanageability was inside me or in external events.
In recovery, we make a trade off. We trade a life that we have tried to control, and we receive in return something better - a life that is manageable.
Today, I will exchange a controlled life for one that is manageable.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Control is an illusion, especially the kind of control we've been trying to exert. In fact, controlling gives other people, events, and diseases, such as alcoholism, control over us. Whatever we try to control does have control over our life and us.
Control is an illusion, one I lived with for many years. It didn't get better until I realized that I was out of control myself, and that it was not about my son's addiction but about the choices I was making for my life.
My life became manageable when I surrendered this control to God, and let Him resume running the world, just as He always had. It became better when I learned to walk in faith, even blind faith, that life was unfolding exactly as it was supposed to and that the outcome was not mine to predict.
Hugs
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: punta gorda florida
Posts: 381
Thank you Ann...Went to an AA meeting yesterday, My daughter decided to come with me[I didn't push], however, I was scoping out sponsors for her...I actually had to stop and say to her"Its not my business"...and shut my mouth...At least I saw it and caught it in a matter of minutes instead of days of obsessing and worry. this is such a blessing...I can laugh at myself...Marian
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 213
Oh how I struggle with this. I realize that after a year and a half in al-anon I am still trying to control parts of my husband, especially his relationship/interaction with our 2 small children. It is frustrating to watch him not be the parent I know he can be, and watch my children be disappointed because of his actions. However, it is only something that HE can choose to change.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Originally Posted by Ann 
Many of us have been trying to keep the whole world in orbit with sheer and forceful application of mental energy.
What happens if we let go, if we stop trying to keep the world orbiting and just let it whirl? It'll keep right on whirling. It'll stay right on track with no help from us. And we'll be free and relaxed enough to enjoy our place on it.
Control is an illusion, especially the kind of control we've been trying to exert. In fact, controlling gives other people, events, and diseases, such as alcoholism, control over us. Whatever we try to control does have control over our life and us.
In recovery, we make a trade off. We trade a life that we have tried to control, and we receive in return something better - a life that is manageable.
What happens if we let go, if we stop trying to keep the world orbiting and just let it whirl? It'll keep right on whirling. It'll stay right on track with no help from us. And we'll be free and relaxed enough to enjoy our place on it.
Control is an illusion, especially the kind of control we've been trying to exert. In fact, controlling gives other people, events, and diseases, such as alcoholism, control over us. Whatever we try to control does have control over our life and us.
In recovery, we make a trade off. We trade a life that we have tried to control, and we receive in return something better - a life that is manageable.
GOD, I hope so. I am really trying to let go and let my HP take over, but its sooooo hard right now. I just gave up a big "control". I let my AH have control over his pills. I am very scared and upset tonight. We got in a big fight a bit ago about how he let us down with his decision ---not me letting him down ---he was trying to put the blame on me for giving up on our marriage. I hate when he does that....as if I haven't been doing everything in the last 8 years to make it work.
The thing is, I know the control I thougth I have had has been an illusion, I haven't really changed a thing. It HAS controlled me for so long.
Thanks for this today, I really, really needed it.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
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