renee33

Hello all, I just happen to find this GREAT site while searching support groups for myself. I have been with my husband 8 yrs and married almost 2yrs, My husband was never the person to use marijuana until getting older at first I just thought he was doing it with just his freinds here and their but then about a yrs ago I noticed that he has probelm. When I asked him when he was going to stop smoking and i just dont like it around me, i found him starting to hide it for me.

First it stated with him hiding it telling me he only smokes when hes with friends and doesnt buy it then to where he was lying to me about where he was goiing. making up any lie to why he hads to leave the house. So on and so on. Were he would lie about not smoking then when I was ask him if he is he would lie about it. Then I knew it was a problem.

To where we are fighting about him musing marijuana all the time. to the point where I said I will leave if he cant quit and he still contiunes to lie. Today I found marijuna in his short after yesterday he looke me in my eye and said he hasnt smoked and had to leave a friends hosue where thier was marijuan use going on. I try to do all I could to support him last night and I was so angry when I found marijuana in his short. This is one of many stories of my husband lying over and over to me. To where now I get sick and I'm just mean to him casue I i Iam so Angry with him.

I really dont know what to do anymore, I know my marriage is going down hill and he doesnt want to quit he says he'll go to meeting but still nothing. I just feel that I cant go on living like this with so much pain and always worried about what he's doing. It not fair to me. I just love him but then I hate what he has donr to us. I feel at this point we is willing to lose me over is addiction and I dont know how to deal with that.

I have no one to talk to and I want to tell his parents but I feel so bad that i will make him so mad and he coulds lose is job. I dont know what to do Anymore I'm just looking for support I just cant contiune to feel the way I do I'm losing it I feel if i do something to get back then maybe i'll feel better and I can live with his marijuana use I jsut dont knwo anymore.

I'm a difffent person then what I was a yrs ago becasue of my husbANDS drugs addictions I just want us too be the way things were before this all stared......

Thanks for your ears

Ann

Welcome, Renee, you may not realize it yet but this, and reaching out as you have done here, is a big first step toward your own recovery.

If you haven't already gone, maybe try some meetings and surround yourself with even more support in a program that very well may save your life, I know it saved mine. Alanon, Naranon and CoDA are three similar programs that will teach you to keep your balance in the chaos that is caused by addiction, and it will teach you that taking very good care of yourself is healthier than living in his disease.

Take a read around, make yourself comfortable here and know you are among friends who truly understand.

Hugs

Impurrfect

Welcome Renee!

Sorry for the reasons you are here, but I'm glad you found us.

I'm a recovering addict, and can tell you that I wouldn't believe much of what he says. His actions will tell you exactly what you need to know.

As Ann said, al-anon or nar-anon meetings would be a great place for you....even though al-anon deals with families/loved ones of alcoholics, the main focus is on YOU and the behaviors of alcoholics and addicts are pretty much the same.

There are lots of wonderful, supportive people here with a world of experience in dealing with the issues are going through, so get comfy, put your feet up and stay a while!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

imallright

Renee... Welcome. You have found a wonderful support system with many wise people who have been there or are in similar situations now. I am one of those people... maybe not the wise part, but I read your post and thought Wow... another "sister".

It is horribly confusing and painful when the person you love suffers from addiction. I have learned that the lying and manipulation are all part of it. My AH doesn't even know he is lying most of the time, I swear it's because his reality is so altered.

The most important thing, IMO is that you take care of you. Regardless of why, how, when or what he is doing... it is not your fault and you can't cure it. You can take care of you and do what is right for you. I know that sometimes you probably haven't a clue what that is... but please keep saying to yourself, "I need to take care of me", reach out here and to other friends and it the light will start to shine. Things happen in mysterious ways and you will start to see and think of little things to find you way.

Welcome. Keep coming back and try to enjoy today.

Bernadette

Hiya Renee--
Welcome! Ann is so right - you have made a good step coming here and posting and reaching out. Most of us find we cannot do this alone and that when we start seeking and ACCEPTING help things get much better.


This caught my eye--
In a good relationship 2 people grow and change in healthy relation to each other. Your quote is one I've read a million times on this board--people wanting things to be the way they "were." Looking for your old husband in this addicted person is going to give you nothing but heartache.

Yes! That's why all of us are here! You don't have to keep living in so much pain and frustration. You can find new ways to think/behave that will change YOUR life. That's the only person you can actually change here - is YOU.

Can you try an AlAnon or Naranon meeeting? There you will find lots of great people struggling with these same issues - some who have really moved way beyond this type of pain and can provide you with their experience, strength and hope. There are also lots of great books listed in the "stickies" at the top of the first page of this forum.

One day at a time - keep the focus on you and your own problems and your own plans and things will get better and you will know what to do! And keep posting - whatever craziness this person has brought into your life - folks on this forum have seen it all.
Peace,
B.

Serenity8

Welcome, renee33. I also have a marijuana abusing husband and I can tell you that he can lie about it so easily, it is scary. It has also gotten to the point where he just can't function; he even started abusing ADD medication to help him get focused at work, because the marijuana was clouding him even when he wasn't high.

Al-anon has been a lifesaver for me. I highly recommend finding a meeting in your area (or like someone else suggested, you could go to Naranon too; I don't know what CoDA is, though - co-dependent anonymous maybe?). You are in a good place here; keep reading and posting and eventually you'll find light amongst the chaos that is living with an addicted person.

11d

Welcome to our club! It is not a club that we intended to join! But I have found so much comfort here, both from past and present members. I also am new at this. My AH's drug of choice is Fentanyl and Lortabs. He has been clean for 6 months and I found out the night before he left for rehab! What has helped me is reading the stickies on what an addict does and How to stop the pain, and the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I have gone to meetings, but I have found reading, praying, and this site very helpful. Keep posting and reading...It does help. You are in my prayers. I know the feeling! Take what you want and leave the rest!