Kay Kay

My mother is dying. Almost lost her in 2002, gave up one year of my life to help her (cleaned her house, paid bills, took her to Doctor appt., bathed her, everything, etc....). She stayed sober an entire year. She was doing great, and started back drinking. It felt like a knife going into my heart. I distanced myself because that is the only way I can handle it. I call her several times a day to make sure she is OK, but it hurts to bad to see her when she is drinking. I received a call from her back in August, she had fallen. I rushed over to find her literally black and blue, in desperate need of a bath. Of course I helped her bath to only call to check on her the next couple of days. When I couldn't get in touch with her, I rushed over to find her in the worst way. I could not get her in my car so I went to get a neighbor to help. We had to call ambulance but she refused to go with them, so they helped me get her in my car. Was put in ICU, stayed in hospital 3 weeks. I called my sister to let her know I was taking her to hospital and she asked if she needed to come! (WOW) Of course I told her no. Was discharged in my care, brought her to my house for 4 days to be put right back in hospital for 2 more weeks. Took her to her house and with the help of my A-brother we gave her around the clock care until just recently. 8 months sober, dropped Hospice because I felt we were being lead to have a liver transplant. She was evaluated for transplant, made her an appt. for next week for extensive testing to put her on the list and I just found out that she is drinking again. What gets me is that she won't admit it to me. Does she think I am stupid!!! It hurts soooo bad. I am not angry with her, I am angry with myself because I allow her to do this to me. A good friend who lost her father to alcoholism asked me could I go for testing with a clear conscience and not tell them that she is drinking, and I said yes. Not clear conscience, but I could lie if it meant saving her life. She told me that my mom was trying to tell me that she didn't want the transplant, that she only wants to drink. You know, I just don't get it.
Kay Kay

lexusgirl

I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this. Alcoholism is a very powerful, cunning and baffeling disease.

I don't understand it either

Keep reading and posting. I'm sure more people will be along with support.:ghug3

FormerDoormat

I'm sure your mother's doctors will know she's been drinking. Given her past history of alcoholism, they will do bloodwork to check her blood alcohol level. They will not give a liver to an active drinker when there are so many people in need of a liver who are willing to make the necessary life-style changes to ensure recovery.

Lying is never the right thing to do.

Spiritual Seeker

Sending some big ol' hugs your way (((((KayKay)))))
during this difficult time with all this on your shoulders.
Take a little time for yourself like a pedicure or massage because you must be
feeling pretty stressed.

i4getsm

Kay Kay, I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling right now. I agree with your freind though that it sounds like your mother is choosing alcohol over her own life. She is choosing...not you. Please take of YOU. And pray. (((HUGS)))