BayAreaPhoenix

I had such a fun evening! But, I did great too. I didn't react, in fact I just went about my thing, did my evening etc.

Manipulation definitely. I took it that he wanted something from me and quite possibly he was on the downhill side of coming off his stuff and it wasn't time for more or he didn't have any. Then there was this morning, more stomping and slamming on the way out the door to work. However - a few hours later I get a call thanking me for dealing with the AT&T guy at our house! Not only that, but even called a 2nd time when everything was straightened out to thank me again. Such a special, thoughtful, considerate kind of guy! I have totally forgotten about hearing him calling me an F***ing B**** all night, and I've totally forgotten all the slamming of doors and drawers! This morning my opinion is he had his stash at work and took some, and/or that whatever he was trying to get from me last night didn't work so this is a new and different tactic. Still don't know what he wanted as he never did explain himself clearly. My mind-reading antennas are at the shop, don't you know?

Whichever the case may be, bottom line, I didn't react. I wasn't even mean or rude, I just finally walked away when he went into his silent gazing into the distance "I can't believe her" look for the 3rd time. If he didn't want to talk and tell me what and why then I wasn't going to beg it out of him.

So, discussing this little episode with my aunt, she says - is he bi-polar?

Well, I don't know? Is he?

I don't see what difference it makes, but am I reading this wrong? Is this more than just coming down and then getting his "fix"? I couldn't have done anything differently, and for my part I am quite pleased with how I felt and how I reacted or didn't. But this question has stuck with me today, so I thought I"d ask.

laurie6781

He could be Bi polar or his addiction could be mimicking Bi Polar.

I know that even into recovery, until almost 9 years sober I could and did rapid cycle, and could go from depression to manic in the snap of the fingers.

However, in recovery I also learned that my 'self-medicating' to the point of becoming and alkie/addict didn't help my Bi Polar, rofl and my addiction needed treating first. Then we worked on the Bi Polar.....................5 years to get regulated.

Either way,t here was no call for him to call you names or slam things, etc............My first thought was 'coming down and no more available at the moment.' J M H O

You take care of you and I am glad to see that your recovery is really working.

Good for you!!!!! That is Awesome!

Love and hugs,

BayAreaPhoenix

Laurie love the pic of the dog! Is that yours? Too cute!

imallright

Hi... You are doing great. I can tell just by the words that you choose that you are getting stronger by the minute. Good for you. It's tough to stay tough and tough to look at the truth. Give yourself a hug and here's one from me!

cinderellawkids

Addictions and the dry days between uses often mimic bipolar and many with bipolar self medicate and become addicts

SweetPea22

oh my goodness!! My ex went to numerous doctors about this!! Some said he was bipolar, some said it was the drug use that was causing this behavior. I never believed he was bipolar though... He never yelled at me (even though i would be screaming at him and saying mean things) never called me any names and was never verbally or physically abusive!! but he would go from being very hyper and energetic to being completely depressed over night! In my honest opinion, i truly believe it's the drug use that is causing this!! The way I look at it is... being bipolar is something people dont have control over (except with meds) so i felt that by him saying he was bipolar... it was "an excuse" for his actions. as if the drugs had nothing to do with irrational behavior!! but drugs will cause these people to do unimaginable things!!!

The best thing to do would be to go to a doctor with him, but he would have to be completely honest about his drug use!! best of luck to you!! And good for you for keeping your cool!!!

greeteachday

I think this is often a chicken or egg situation. My daughter was diagnosed bipolar, but I don't really think it is an easy diagnosis without some good solid recovery under one's belt. (and I never really bought into her diagnosis completely. Depression yes; bipolar...could well have been early recovery in my book)

I do know that the cycle of using then coming down then using sure does look bipolar even when it isn't.

Good for you, not letting his actions cause you to react!!

11d

My addict husband has done the same thing! My friends and I even made comments (before knowing the drug use) saying he was bi-polar. Now, I know that the symptoms of bi-polar was his drug use. Even though he is 6 months clean, I still see some of those symptoms. I think he is still chemically imbalanced. BUT....no matter if he is or not....he is an addict. He has NO Right to call you names or put you through the slamming doors. You did not cause it, you can't control it and you cannot cure it. It is chemical addiction. Good for you for detaching from that situation.

bluebelle

I don't know. I've wondered the same thing about my mom, who seems bipolar, but is also a long-term drug addict. It is not unusual for someone with BP to self-medicate. I found the NIMH's info on this to be helpful: NIMH · Bipolar Disorder · Complete Publication

If the bipolar person gets mania really bad, they can become psychotic. They may get delusions of grandeur. My mom definitely gets this way.

I agree with 11d, no matter what, he has no right to mistreat you--no matter what the cause. Setting boundaries is important whether it is mental illness or substance abuse. Also, no matter what the cause--if he isn't getting treated for his condition, you won't be able to reason with him or make sense of his behavior. There is no making sense of this craziness.

bsfish

My wife was diagnosed bi-polar in her teens, but not treated. She took care of the medication herself for alomost twenty years with almost everything. Currently she is in treatment, a "dual diagnosis" facility, for those with addictions and mental health issues.
All the doctors, therapist and coucelors I've talked to say it's impossible to give an accurate diagnosis until 12-18 months clean. She is being medicated for it now, but hopefully a lot of the symptoms were from her using. I'm pretty convinced that it's not all from the using, but it definitely aggrevated it.
I'm still trying to educate myself on this, so I can't offer any advice. But there's lots of material out there. NIMH is a good one. Lots of books available at Amazon.

I think being bipolar makes recovery more dificult, as they are really trying to self medicate a very difficult disease to deal with. WE went through a few Drs that didn't help, and only got her onto more pills she like too much, and when abused made things worse. But there are lots of places that deal with dual diagnosis, if he wants it.

Hopefully it's not the case with your husband, I think it's an added burden in recovery, and definitely for you. It's good for me to see this discussion, It sounds like there is some good experience her that hopefully I can learn from too.

Good luck. This is another one that once you start talking about it, there's lots of it around.

historyteach

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-ny-times.html
That's some great information about bipolar disorder.

And for the latest, now, it's considered a continuum, from depression to full blown bipolar I, rather than two distinct mental disorders. Here's another link with the latest ideas.
Bipolar II, Mood Swings without Mania; Brain Tours; Stress and Depression; Hormones and Mood; and more...

Hope that those links will help you discern. But, it doesn't really matter. Like the others said. What matters is that *you've* made great strides in your recovery!

Shalom!

Impurrfect

I really don't know much about bipolar, but just wanted to let you know that I think you did GREAT at not reacting to him. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Eventually, sometimes, they stop trying to bait you because they don't get the reaction they want. And usually, an addict WANTS you to react so they can have an "excuse" to use.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy