Summer2008

This is my first post here and I thought introducing myself would be the best place to start.

My name is Summer and I'm thankful to have found this site. I have read so many threads and gained so much wisdom and yes even shed a few tears from the things I have read here. I still wish there was not a need for a forum like this.

Both my brothers and my sister and her 3 kids are alcoholics. I left home and got married at an early age (17) because I knew even then I wanted no part of alcohol in my life.

Fast forward 30 years and here I am in love with an alcoholic. It amazes me that I was so wise as a 17 year old and knew I had to leave to protect myself and now look at where I am. I'm still trying to figure out where I lost my brain along this path of aging.

I have a feeling I will need lots of hand holding along this journey and maybe some 2 x 4's once in a while when it seems I'm not listening as I struggle to make some important decisions in regards to my future or even possibly lack of future with my bf.

I guess I should add here that bf admits he drinks to much, says he will cut down, etc .. His drinking may slow down for a day or two, (never stops) I'm sure many of you have heard it before.

Saturday I will be putting in place my first boundary with him and really hope I have the strength to stick to it. I know I have to do this for me.

WendyS

Welcome Summer!
You will find an abundance of support and wisdom here. It sounds like you have good plan for yourself. Setting the boundaries early is key.
Wendy

Rella927

Welcome to SR Summer! We are glad that you found us and you are in the right place! There is a lot of great support here! Keep posting and check out some of the stickies at the top of this forum-they are very helpful and a lot of great information!

Glad that you are here!

Barbara52

Welcome! You've found a wonderful palce for information and support.

So, knowing what you know about alcoholism, why is it you are staying in the relationship with an alcoholic? Or are you staying int it?

Bernadette

Hi Summer!
Summer is always welcome!!!

We often keep repeating the same mistakes until we get it right. So don't beat yourself up for winding up loving an A - your wiring was messed with by growing up with alcoholics. The good news is YOU are free in this moment to decide how you want to grow and change. You CAN have the life you want and deserve. It may not be easy but it will be worth the struggle.

Lots more folks will be here soon to share their ES&H (experience, strength and hope). Keep postin. This site is awesome because you do get both of what you asked for: hand holding and 2X4's!!! I am moved on a daily basis by the strength of people on this site!
Peace,
B.

Summer2008

Wendy, Thanks for the reply. I wish I could say the boundary was set early but it's been 16 months we have been dating..yet as the saying goes, "Better late then never".

Summer2008

Barbara,

Simple Answer - Because I love him.

More Complicated Answer that I have to decide - Is Love enough?

Barbara52

For me the answer was no, love is not enough. Especially when I realized it was one way love. WHatever he felt for me was not real love or he woul dnot have treated me with such basic disrespect.

I loved my STBXAH but my love couldn't help him; only he could do that. He chooses not to help himself. Two years of trying to get him to admit to and then deal with his problems killed the love I had for him. I still care and pray daily he finds recovery but I do it from a distance for my own well being.

Mair

Welcome Summer, youve a long journey ahead, but it's worth it, you will discover that YOU are worth it.

Mair xx

offhegoes

welcome!! I have found it to be very warm and comforting here! there are great people on this site, they will not sugar coat things for you but they are also very supportive. You are not alone when you are here!!:ghug

Summer2008

I'm convinced he has been an alcoholic for many years and managed to hide it from a lot of people. He drinks not only beer but hard alcohol. Right now my main focus is on the hard stuff. Trying one step at at time and working on the hard stuff first. He has stopped keeping any at the house so now it's the bar we go to once a week. While this may not be the right way to try to deal with his drinking, I have told him this weekend if we go to the one place we go to and he drinks anything other then Beer, I am leaving and going home for the night. Don't even bother to ask me if you can have just one shot because it's your choice and you know my boundary.

His response was, "You will leave me there"? I replied yes, I can not deal with the hard stuff being in my life. I think it surprised him that said I would leave him there. I hope I have the strength to follow through with a boundary or it was no good giving it.

Summer2008

Anvil, great question about why I accompany him.

Our "first" date was in this one little pub. Needless to say because of this, it has a particular fondness for me.

Spiritual Seeker

Don't get in the position of controlling his drinking because as you know alcoholism is cunning and baffling and you will not win. My alcoholic son puts it this way, " Alcohol is the answer to all my problems and the cause of all my problems"
Your BF will surrender to his alcoholism and seek recovery only if and when he is ready.

But you are right, you can surrender now and start your own recovery program. Once you do this you will have control over only that which is possible to have control over and that is yourself. You have some decisions and choices. Best wishes as you decide what those are.

Serenity8

Welcome, Summer. You've gotten some great advice already. If you haven't already found a real-life al-anon support group in your area, I highly recommend it.