jazzz

Does anyone know this "not-feeling", someone in your family dies and you just don't feel anything except "oh well"? I feel bad because I didn't feel anything when my grandfather died a few weeks ago. I knew him well and I considered us somewhat close.
The rest of my family showed emotions, some cried others were just sad. I felt like I was putting up a show, almost playing affected by it. But I wasn't. In my mind I reasoned "everybody goes and it was his time" and that was it.
I come from an alcoholic home. Both mom and dad are recovering alcoholics. I've had to dry out because my drinking was becoming a major problem for me.
We don't show much emotion in our family. And I guess I can say we have very "formal" relationships. When we talk it's very much "how's it going?" - "oh fine and you?"...we have ok relationships it's just not very emotional.

I don't know why I didn't feel anything. It bothers me. I'm "afraid" that when my parents go I won't feel anything either. Am I out of touch with my emotions?? Or is this "normal", perhaps?

LucyA

I'm sorry for your loss jazzz.

I think, sometimes, we're kind of expected to show our grief immediately someone dies. Sometimes it works like that, sometimes it doesn't.

My sister in law died last July, and we were pretty close. At the time when she died there were so many other things in my life to think about and deal with that I just didn't have time to grieve properly. I knew she'd been very ill and she'd been released from that, that was as far as it went for me then.

But now, ten months on I'm feeling myself beginning to grieve for her. Other things have settled down and I think my mind or body or whatever is letting me know I can deal with this loss now I have the time and srength to do it properly.

I don't think there's any 'normal' way to deal with death, we all do it differently in our own time.

splendra

Hey ((((Jazz)))

I am sorry for your loss.

When my dad died I felt numb too. Just when I was starting to really like him ya know. I was 21 years old and just starting to realize my dad had some sense after all. It took me many years to properly grieve his death.

I was doing lots of dope and started drinking shortly after he died and I do think this activity had something to do with the numbness.

It was my son who took me by the hand and helped me break the spell of my numbness by asking me to take him to my dad's grave. He died several years before my son was born.

Anyway give yourself some time to see if you feel anything different. Grief has certain stages they are:

Denial
Bargaining
Anger
Depression
Acceptance

I was stuck in the denial stage for over 20 years. At the same time I was asked to do some volunteer work with a grief support group which help me tremendously to deal with his death. I highly suggest that if you do not see yourself going thru these stages that you get some support. We do have a grief forum here to By the way.

best

and when your parents die, you will reason with the same reasoning...it was their time to go.
We each handle death in the manner we were raised to do so. One person cries for weeks, another doesn't cry at all...both are right.
An emptiness of feelings and emotions is a different issue vs a reasoning out of how life works and acceptance of those facts.
When my father died, I reasoned it out and didn't cry but at the funeral when I seen my daughter break down and start to cry... I started to cry for her. I didn't like seeing my little girl (14 at the time) hurting.
There are some cultures that at a funeral you will see smiles and parties. A sadness of loss gets covered over with the joy of knowing where the person now is...in heaven. In a better place then here.
As your sadness shows up over a loss...if you are like me, you will fill your thoughts with the joy of happy memories and find that the sadness passes before you even have time to feel it.
We each handle death in our own way. There are no rules on how we should do it because no one is truly the same in how we handle such.