all prayers needed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
all prayers needed
Please pray for my AD and her children and me. Things have gotten so much worse. AD has left her children with their aunt, and she and ADBF are living in a motel room. She is calling me for food. Which I am not going to provide. Am I wrong. I am thinking that if I provide food it will keep her from hitting bottom faster. When she calls it is all lies. I do not put up with her abuse of me and she get madder. I have stoped answering the phone. Now the aunt is calling me and laying a guilt trip about the kids. I do everything I can, but due to my health I can't take anymore. When will the madness end? So, please pray for all of us.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Painter)))
Big hugs and prayers coming your way.
I know that when I was using, food was a very low priority for me. This is just MY opinion, but if she and her bf have money for a motel room and to keep using, they have money for food...they are just not buying it. There are also food banks and shelters that feed people, usually even in very small towns.
As far as her kids, don't feel guilty for standing up for yourself. Thought it's great when the parents here can help their grandchildren, sometimes it is simply not possible.
Take care of yourself, and stick to your boundaries. I will keep you all in my prayers!
Amy
Big hugs and prayers coming your way.
I know that when I was using, food was a very low priority for me. This is just MY opinion, but if she and her bf have money for a motel room and to keep using, they have money for food...they are just not buying it. There are also food banks and shelters that feed people, usually even in very small towns.
As far as her kids, don't feel guilty for standing up for yourself. Thought it's great when the parents here can help their grandchildren, sometimes it is simply not possible.
Take care of yourself, and stick to your boundaries. I will keep you all in my prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
It is truly shameful to me that the aunt is giving YOU grief over the fact that the children's mother and boyfriend aren't providing for them, Painter. Think about that for just a moment. Where is this woman getting the idea that those children are YOUR responsibility and not the parents? Keep your phone off the hook, sweetie. This could be the night for your daughter to feel all the pain of putting her drugs before her children. The aunt will soon be pointing the finger in the right direction when YOU aren't the one coming to the rescue. You aren't causing ANY of this. Step away from the addict and let her feel the total consequences of her actions. I'm sending mega prayers for YOU tonight to trust in your HP that letting them all own their own consequences is what He has planned. You need to take care of you right now, especially if your health isn't good. Please make that your number one priority. You can't save the world tonight, but you can let go and save yourself. Hugs, Painter!
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
((((((((((((Painter)))))))))))))))
It was said just last night at my meeting that it's very sad when we see the addicted/alcoholic person JUST ABOUT to reach their bottom, and then some well-meaning person waltzes in and scoops (enables) them up, right before they hit their bottom.
No scooping, Painter, no scooping. The only way she'll learn to become a responsible adult is by having to live like one and face the consequences if she doesn't. Take away the consequences and why should she change?
Hugs and prayers for all of your family, especially you!
Hangin' In
It was said just last night at my meeting that it's very sad when we see the addicted/alcoholic person JUST ABOUT to reach their bottom, and then some well-meaning person waltzes in and scoops (enables) them up, right before they hit their bottom.
No scooping, Painter, no scooping. The only way she'll learn to become a responsible adult is by having to live like one and face the consequences if she doesn't. Take away the consequences and why should she change?
Hugs and prayers for all of your family, especially you!
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 325
(((painter)))
Please remember to take care of yourself, however you need to. Otherwise you know what happens, we get sick and are of no good to anyone. Try not to let others judgements or expectations bother you.
Prayers for you and your family.
Please remember to take care of yourself, however you need to. Otherwise you know what happens, we get sick and are of no good to anyone. Try not to let others judgements or expectations bother you.
Prayers for you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Boise, ID
Posts: 56
((((Painter))))
I am praying for you tonght and for your daughter and her children and aunt. Please take care of yourself- don't worry yourself sick over her. You can't control her or fix this for her- all you can do is take care of you.
Hugs and prayers,
I am praying for you tonght and for your daughter and her children and aunt. Please take care of yourself- don't worry yourself sick over her. You can't control her or fix this for her- all you can do is take care of you.
Hugs and prayers,
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Don't you go and feel guilty for the necessary boundaries that you have in place.
You have to take care of yourself and do what you have to do to keep as much of
the chaos at bay.
Just let those grandbabies know they are loved.
You have to take care of yourself and do what you have to do to keep as much of
the chaos at bay.
Just let those grandbabies know they are loved.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((((((Painter))))))))))))
I'm sorry for the pain and anguish your daughter is causing
everyone who loves her.
Rock bottom doesn't seem close enough, does it?
You keep doing what you need to do for you.
I'm so sorry for her children, too.
I take it the aunt is the children's father's sister? Right?
The abf is the father?
Take care and stay strong,
I'm sorry for the pain and anguish your daughter is causing
everyone who loves her.
Rock bottom doesn't seem close enough, does it?
You keep doing what you need to do for you.
I'm so sorry for her children, too.
I take it the aunt is the children's father's sister? Right?
The abf is the father?
Take care and stay strong,
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My prayers go out too, Painter, it's between them and God now and you have done the right thing.
You are wise to not answer their calls. WE are not the solution, and if we try to be then they never find the better solution called "recovery".
Please take good care of yourself, I know how wearing this all can be.
Hugs
You are wise to not answer their calls. WE are not the solution, and if we try to be then they never find the better solution called "recovery".
Please take good care of yourself, I know how wearing this all can be.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
Please don't feel guilty. I would not provide her food, if she can source out drugs she can source out food. There are shelters, food banks, and soup kitchens. I have come to learn as the mother of an AS most times there looking for money instead of food. You should feel very good about the boundaries you have set. So sad but true the less we help them the faster they hit bottom. Sending prayers to you and your family ((( hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
((((Painter))))
I know how hard this is for you. I always said I would never make food or medical a boundary for me. I had to rethink this one because when my daughter was living in LA and very deep in addiction she would call me and tell me how badly she needed food.
Of course what kind of a mother would I be if I denied her food. So, a bad idea I would send her a little money for food. Well, when she finally did hit bottom and come back to PA. she was skin and bones. I guess she never used the money for food, but she pulled at my heartstrings and I couldn't do it. She did admit to me after she started to get well that the drugs were much more important than food and she ate very little.
So I was helping her to buy her drugs and not her food. Now, don't get me wrong, Painter, I had that in the back of my mind all of the time but I just let my heart rule my head.
She will find food if she wants to eat. Prayers are coming your way that God will raise her bottom.
Take care............Lo
I know how hard this is for you. I always said I would never make food or medical a boundary for me. I had to rethink this one because when my daughter was living in LA and very deep in addiction she would call me and tell me how badly she needed food.
Of course what kind of a mother would I be if I denied her food. So, a bad idea I would send her a little money for food. Well, when she finally did hit bottom and come back to PA. she was skin and bones. I guess she never used the money for food, but she pulled at my heartstrings and I couldn't do it. She did admit to me after she started to get well that the drugs were much more important than food and she ate very little.
So I was helping her to buy her drugs and not her food. Now, don't get me wrong, Painter, I had that in the back of my mind all of the time but I just let my heart rule my head.
She will find food if she wants to eat. Prayers are coming your way that God will raise her bottom.
Take care............Lo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 168
(((painter)))
I will pray for you, your daughter and your grandbabies. I am sorry that you are hurting right now but I agree that you are doing the right thing. I can't tell you how many times I have given my AH money to go buy his stuff back at the pawn shop and he RARELY returned with the item I gave him money for, it was always used for more drugs.
I do not have children so I don't know how you feel but you have my deepest sympathy, I pray and hope that your daughter hits her bottom soon.
I agree, don't answer the phone! Go get a manicure or a pedicure or go see a movie. Do something YOU like to do.
Take care of you,
Daisy
I will pray for you, your daughter and your grandbabies. I am sorry that you are hurting right now but I agree that you are doing the right thing. I can't tell you how many times I have given my AH money to go buy his stuff back at the pawn shop and he RARELY returned with the item I gave him money for, it was always used for more drugs.
I do not have children so I don't know how you feel but you have my deepest sympathy, I pray and hope that your daughter hits her bottom soon.
I agree, don't answer the phone! Go get a manicure or a pedicure or go see a movie. Do something YOU like to do.
Take care of you,
Daisy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
Thank you all SO>>>>>>>>much. I am not answering the phone. I have to take care of ME! I thought that sounded so selfish. But like you said if I don't who will. And then how will I do the rest of my life? I am trying to divert my attention to other things. Hard, but trying. What would I do if I didn't have you wonderful friends to dump on , and get such wonderful feedback. God bless you all for being here. Love you all. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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