It’s Wednesday...(my letter to AH)
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Idaho
Posts: 47
It’s Wednesday...(my letter to AH)
...and there have been two days of sobriety now. I feel great. It won’t last. I’m living on borrowed time. Perhaps it will be tonight, maybe tomorrow, guaranteed Friday at the latest. I love you, but this is not a life. This is an extended waiting period. It’s like going to the doctor and being in this great waiting room, plenty to do, refreshments, interesting people telling jokes. But I know that any minute the nurse is going to call my name and I’ll be taken back into that cold office where I’ll be all alone waiting for the Doc to come and stick me with needles.
I wish I could describe how things have begun to change for me. These meetings I’ve been going to and the reading that I am doing are all helping me to grow, to live a more conscious life. I am becoming aware of the choices I make. I’m learning how to accept myself, love myself, and how to stay within my own skin. I am learning how to take conscious control of my feelings and emotions. Not to avoid them or deny them, which never worked for me anyway. But to actually allow them, accept them and move on.
I’m learning that I have options, lots of options. I don’t have to react within a limited script; I don’t have to react at all. If you choose to drink there are many options for me. I can choose to drink with you, choose to leave, choose to not interact, choose to fight, choose to get angry, choose to yell, choose to cry, choose to ignore it or choose to do something else. It’s when I feel there are no options or only a limited few that the depression and frustration sink in. When I have options I feel better. I feel in control of my destiny. I like that feeling.
Well, the shoe dropped. It’s today, Wednesday, and the drinking has begun.
I wish I could describe how things have begun to change for me. These meetings I’ve been going to and the reading that I am doing are all helping me to grow, to live a more conscious life. I am becoming aware of the choices I make. I’m learning how to accept myself, love myself, and how to stay within my own skin. I am learning how to take conscious control of my feelings and emotions. Not to avoid them or deny them, which never worked for me anyway. But to actually allow them, accept them and move on.
I’m learning that I have options, lots of options. I don’t have to react within a limited script; I don’t have to react at all. If you choose to drink there are many options for me. I can choose to drink with you, choose to leave, choose to not interact, choose to fight, choose to get angry, choose to yell, choose to cry, choose to ignore it or choose to do something else. It’s when I feel there are no options or only a limited few that the depression and frustration sink in. When I have options I feel better. I feel in control of my destiny. I like that feeling.
Well, the shoe dropped. It’s today, Wednesday, and the drinking has begun.
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