kmill

This is going to be my first weekend and it coincides with a birthday party for my wife's birthday.
We're known for entertaining and throwing parties. We have a bar inside and outside. It will be VERY noticeable that I'm not drinking and I'm not sure how to handle the questions. I don't even know what to drink. I don't known how much fun I'll be. I don't know what it is like to be sober in this situation.

I know I'll be tempted so I'm just thinking of all I've done wrong in the past and what I stand to lose.

least

THis will take a lot of strength and willpower from you. As far as your being noticed for not drinking, can you not say, no thanks, I'm not drinking today. And if anyone presses you for reasons just say I just don't feel like drinking today.

It's really nobody's business if you're drinking or not, and those who would press the issue are just being nosey, in my opinion. I'll be praying for you to have the determination not to drink.

kmill

Thanks Least. For once in my life I do feel I have the willpower. Also, even though I only joined this group yesterday, I am getting a lot of strength from the encouragement of strangers.
Thank you again.

WolfonPlain

If you feel as though you need an excuse not to drink then you can simply say u are on antibiotics prescribed by the doctor.
My advice is to try and not think about the party and the effect it will have on your sobriety until the party arrives.One Day AT A Time.Good luck.

Tazman53

kmill the party is at your house right? Beleive it or not there is no party that can not be held without booze except a kegger!!

One thing I discovered after I sobered up is who my real friends were and who were just my drinking buddies.

Is it important to your wife that there is booze at HER birthday party? I wish you all the luck in the world this weekend, having a party in the first week of sobriety would have been really tempting fate for me. I would have had to of left or drank, one or the other.

To avoid anyone even asking you why you are not drinking just keep a soda in your hand. Would you ask someone with a soda in their hand why they are not drinking? Even if they do ask, if you have a soda in your hands just hold it up and say "I am."

warrens

K

This is a very common issue/question here. Others will surely elaborate, I'm a bit pressed for time right now.

Important, though, is to have a plan. Ambushes must be anticipated and expected. If you are sincere, it will be relatively easy. People handle it in many ways. Simple is better. So you don't have to think and grope for a response. In time it will become automatic.

Initially, you may simply come up with a "temporary" response, such as feeling under the weather. You can simply say that you are taking a break from alcohol-millions do.

In time, I hope you become comfortable, like me, with being honest with those who deserve it. I'm a lot more proud of being sober than I was being drunk.

Whatever you come up with, it has to fit you so it doesn't "feel" artificial. I'll bet you were noticable while you were drinking, so not drinking should be no problem there, eh?

Best to you. Let us know you "plan of approach."

warren

kmill

Thanks Tazman, I was thinking the soda too.
I know my wife will want drinks and all her friends too. She has a better time with drinking than I do. I'm the one that never stops and ends up hurting our relationship.
I do have one sober friend so I'll be hanging out with him.
One thing I'm looking forward to is watching everyone else make a fool of themselves

Mcribb

Most people respected what I tried to do and if they didn't well eff them. No one is going to put a gun to your head to drink

Last Call

Club soda and lime? Cranberry and club soda? These are my two favorites now. Make a big one and carry it around with you and I bet no one asks.

If you get asked there are plenty of plausible responses, including I don't drink anymore. No explanation required, and you don't have to remember whatever you fabricated the last time you were asked.

In my experience this was much less of an issue than my anxiety made it out to be. I play pool in a league and visit different bars every week for matches. After an initial question or two, everyone settles into their own routines, its no big deal. I also find it interesting to watch others, the non-drinkers, the truly moderate drinkers, and the real drinkers as the evening progresses. I generally find watching drunks in the wild reinforces my desire to quit more than it erodes my will. And there is no doubt which camp I was in.

Good luck, don't make it a big deal in advance and it won't be.

LC

kmill

Thanks everyone. I'm going to keep it simple and just say I don't drink anymore. If soemone doesn't like that then I don't need that person.
I'm sure I'm making a bigger deal of it than I need to but I'm in new territory right now and a little afraid of the unknown.

warrens

K

Don't apologize. As I said, this is an every week question here. Those who ask it are wise. Forethought is a very valuable and necessary tool in early recovery. There are no silly questions, only silly answers, like taking a drink.

warren

Tazman53

Good idea with the sober friend, I will prepare you though, some drunks will make you sad, some are amusing if it is a once a year drunk, but those of us that lived drunk for years can be depressing to watch.

Good idea on keeping it simple and saying right off the bat you don't drink anymore will eleminate many future questions.

We all think our quitting is a big deal, then we find out most folks either don't care or are glad we decided to quit and support us.

least

"just say I don't drink anymore"... now why didn't I think of that??

WolfonPlain

Drunks in the wild...lol,i LMAO at that one,Drunks in there natural habitat,treat it as a safari hliday LOL.

CarolD

Glad to see you are going to be honest.

Why make excuses for choosing to be
healthy sober and productive?

Enjoy the party!

LibertyorDeath

Quote:

Originally Posted by kmill

Thanks everyone. I'm going to keep it simple and just say I don't drink anymore. If soemone doesn't like that then I don't need that person.
I'm sure I'm making a bigger deal of it than I need to but I'm in new territory right now and a little afraid of the unknown.

I hear you, Kmill! I am afraid of this new territory too. Friday is right around the corner. Saturday is not too far behind! I am working on my plan of action. I hope you not only survive the party without alcohol, but that you enjoy yourself. (What kind of cake?)

I don't think you are making a bigger deal of it than you need to. These are indeed uncharted waters.

Ask your questions of the people here who triumph daily! They really seem ready to share their strategies and experiences.

And I know that while I am here, I am not drinking alcohol. I bet the same is true for you!

So...Keep posting!

Liberty~