offhegoes

It was very hard and painful. It really makes you take a look at yourself and your own issues and how they enabled the addict. The issue with us heading for divorce (by his choice) was a thorn in my side the whole time. listening to people talk about how much their relationships mean to them and knowing mine is over hurt really bad. He asked me to keep attending and we talked a bit afterwards. I think he actually may be better suited for Inpatient rehab after seeing how standoffish he is with it, 4 weeks does not seem long enough.
Well I got information for my own "rehab" and I start therapy to work on myself on Thursday. This is all I can do to get me through at the moment.

itisatruth

:ghug3 You are taking steps in the right direction, good for you for starting your own recovery. I will be thinking good thoughts for you....

offhegoes

thank you. i wish I would of found this site sooner. all the support is wonderful.

BayAreaPhoenix

You're here now, and we're so glad you found us.

Your therapy will be great for you.

Remember to breathe. Take your time.

offhegoes

ahhh they did meditation exercises and they were so helpful (it made my AH antsy) but for me it allowed me to relax and take in all the information I was about to get.

Chino

You already learned a lot from one session and good for you taking care of yourself.

offhegoes

why do I feel like s**t today????? I feel like staying in bed and crying all day.
what happened to my empowerment I had last night?

Impurrfect

because you're human, sweetie, not superwoman. The more you work on taking care of YOU, the fewer the times when you'll feel like you do now. You've got a lot of emotional things going on right now, and it takes time, patience, and taking baby steps to focus on what's good, instead of what's falling apart.

Do something nice for you, even if it's something small. When I began my recovery from crack, I felt like I was taking one step forward, 2 steps back. I kept going over, and over, of all that I had screwed up in my life. I had to remind myself of what I had to be grateful for, and really focus on that. When I'm struggling, I come here and post, read a really good book, or talk to someone about what's going on in THEIR life...whatever it takes to get out of my head.

You'll feel empowered again. You're just on the roller-coaster of emotions. Be gentle with yourself, okay?

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

BayAreaPhoenix

I agree with impurrfect. Be gentle with yourself.

We all have gone through this. One day is clear, we know what we know, we're strong and compassionate, etc. and the next day, whammo - where did all that go?

It really is a bit of a roller coaster. Life is that way anyway. Maybe today is a bit of a wallow day. Maybe set a time limit for yourself? We all find ways to help ourselves during days like this, just takes a little practice.

You will get there. I know the feeling wanting to know, understand and "feel better" now. By continuing to focus on you and your own recovery, you will get there.

Baby steps. Be good to yourself.

offhegoes

thanks everyone for the support. I made it through the day...now if I can only make it through the night. (sleeping alone is the worst) Tomorrow is my first one on one therapy session, hopefully that will help me be strong through the weekend. (that and coming here)

Hangin' In

Offhegoes,

Sorry if I haven't been around much lately, but I wanted to give you a belated welcome to SR. You are right. This is a great place for support, so just lean on your recovery friends here as you face the days that are difficult.

I remember the days where I didn't want to get up, get dressed let alone go outside the house. But recovery (going to meetings and reading on this board) got me through those difficult times, of course with the help of my HP.

Just keep doing what you're doing. When you start to obsess about him, try to catch yourself and change the focus to YOU and what YOU can be doing to improve YOUR life. That is the only way I've survived...by getting the focus on me and changing what I can about me.

Hope to see you around some more.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

offhegoes

thank you for that!!! It's great to see that people have been able to get through this, when I feel like there is no way I can. It gives me hope for myself.

Hangin' In

Oh, Off, I have NO DOUBT you can get through this. I sit in meetings every week with people who have "GOTTEN" recovery. They are living happy lives. Some have sober/clean loved ones. Others don't. But I see both applying the 12 step program and actually having a good life! And as I went to meetings and saw that, I thought, "Now THAT is what I want!"

If you don't go to meetings, why not find one in your area and give them a try. Meetings, along with this board, have saved my sanity!

Hugs,
Hangin' In

offhegoes

I have attended one meeting, and I plan on trying more( I went back to college in my late 20's and now have to deal with finals this week like I'm a kid again)
Actually if I get my studying done in the morning and afternoon after therapy I was planning on checking out the local Nar-anon meeting, though it's a bit of a distance. I did attend an al-anon meeting...it was me and 3 others...a bit small for me. I felt like I was crashing their party. I think I need a larger one where I can sit back and listen for a few meetings.

Hangin' In

You can sit and listen if there are only 3. There is no rule that you have to say anything. That's the beauty of the program. I just know when I first went I was scared. I cried, I whined, and when I got the nerve, I told them I wanted guarantees.... Bless their hearts, the just listened to me, loved me right through those awful days and kept sharing their experience, strength and hope. And I am SO GRATEFUL they did.

Now I try to remember that when a new person comes in the room. I know the pain they are in and I remember what it was like. I want to be there for them like someone was there for me.

And in my little small town, sometimes we only have 3 or 4 at a meeting. Other nights we have 16 or so. Doesn't matter. If I go, wanting to learn a better way to live with the disease of addiction that has come to my family, I will hear what I need to hear.

Now you go study and hopefully find a meeting somewhere. (NOTHING like recovery to help a person focus which will help you in school, too! See, a 2 for 1 deal... )

Hugs,
Hangin' In

ZombieWife

Healing is a hard process. You think it's scabbed over, but then you bump the wound and the scab comes off. You bleed a little again, then it forms over once more. There will be back and forths, ups and downs.

Addicts talk about being clean, then relapsing, then being clean again and some say that each time they feel closer to the end goal. Some have to slip up first, learn HOW to catch themselves and get back on track.

Maybe that's how it is with us, too? We have to make those mistakes, slip, trumble, trip. Maybe it's not sticking to the program perfectly and getting an A+ on each step, but how we deal with the mistakes we make and how we get back on track to our own recoveries?

Chino

That's how it's been for me. I saw a therapist 15 years ago for a total of 5 years and it's when I learned I was codependent. When I left therapy I felt like I was armed for life. Nope, I was just educated but like any lesson learned, you have to review it or lose it. Fast forward to discovering my daughters addiction and I had to learn it all over again. Now I know I will always be in recovery.

Hi, my names Chino and I'm a recovering codie. I've detached 42 days and taking it one day at a time

offhegoes

did therapy today and it was good....hopefully it gets more intense as the sessions continue (right now it just felt like I was talking to a girlfriend).
Good thing I had therapy today, because my AH decided to stop by before his IOP session. He's telling his family on Saturday about us getting a divorce....it hurts because it's all becoming too real.

BayAreaPhoenix

Good to hear that therapy went well and that you felt like you could talk to her. That's the main thing!

Sorry to hear how much it hurts you about Saturday. I'm sending you some (((hugs)))

Keep moving forward...

:ghug3

cece1960

I'm sorry for not stopping in sooner, I know how hard this can be.

I have to say, if you attend meetings for you, and have therapy for you, and he wants a divorce, you can step back anytime you want. No need to go through painful IOP sessions.
Its all about you now...and we're walking with you
(((Hugs)))