The Language of Letting Go - April 29 - Initiating Relationships
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
The Language of Letting Go - April 29 - Initiating Relationships
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Initiating Relationships
Often, we can learn much about ourselves from the people to whom we are attracted.
As we progress through recovery, we learn we can no longer form relationships solely on the basis of attraction. We learn to be patient, to allow ourselves to take into account important facts, and to process information about that person.
What we are striving for in recovery is a healthy attraction to people. We allow ourselves to be attracted to who people are, not to their potential or to what we hope they are.
The more we work through our family of origin issues, the less we will find ourselves needing to work through them with the people we're attracted to. Finishing our business from the past helps us form new and healthier relationships.
The more we overcome our need to be excessive caretakers, the less we will find ourselves attracted to people who need to be constantly taken care of.
The more we learn to love and respect ourselves, the more we will become attracted to people who will love and respect us and who we can safely love and respect.
This is a slow process. We need to be patient with ourselves. The type of people we find ourselves attracted to does not change overnight. Being attracted to dysfunctional people can linger long and well into recovery. That does not mean we need to allow it to control us. The fact is, we will initiate and maintain relationships with people we need to be with until we learn what it is we need to learn - no matter how long we've been recovering.
No matter who we find ourselves relating to, and what we discover happening in the relationship, the issue is still about us, and not about the other person. That is the heart, the hope, and the power of recovery.
We can learn to take care of ourselves during the process of initiating and forming relationships. We can learn to go slowly. We can learn to pay attention. We can allow ourselves to make mistakes, even when we know better.
We can stop blaming our relationships on God and begin to take responsibility for them. We can learn to enjoy the healthy relationships and remove ourselves more quickly from the dysfunctional ones.
We can learn to look for what's good for us, instead of what's good for the other person.
God, help me pay attention to my behaviors during the process of initiating relationships. Help me take responsibility for myself and learn what I need to learn. I will trust that the people I want and need will come into my life. I understand that if a relationship is not good for me, I have the right and ability to refuse to enter into it - even though the other person thinks it may be good for him or her. I will be open to the lessons I need to learn about me in relationships, so I am prepared for the best possible relationships with people.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Initiating Relationships
Often, we can learn much about ourselves from the people to whom we are attracted.
As we progress through recovery, we learn we can no longer form relationships solely on the basis of attraction. We learn to be patient, to allow ourselves to take into account important facts, and to process information about that person.
What we are striving for in recovery is a healthy attraction to people. We allow ourselves to be attracted to who people are, not to their potential or to what we hope they are.
The more we work through our family of origin issues, the less we will find ourselves needing to work through them with the people we're attracted to. Finishing our business from the past helps us form new and healthier relationships.
The more we overcome our need to be excessive caretakers, the less we will find ourselves attracted to people who need to be constantly taken care of.
The more we learn to love and respect ourselves, the more we will become attracted to people who will love and respect us and who we can safely love and respect.
This is a slow process. We need to be patient with ourselves. The type of people we find ourselves attracted to does not change overnight. Being attracted to dysfunctional people can linger long and well into recovery. That does not mean we need to allow it to control us. The fact is, we will initiate and maintain relationships with people we need to be with until we learn what it is we need to learn - no matter how long we've been recovering.
No matter who we find ourselves relating to, and what we discover happening in the relationship, the issue is still about us, and not about the other person. That is the heart, the hope, and the power of recovery.
We can learn to take care of ourselves during the process of initiating and forming relationships. We can learn to go slowly. We can learn to pay attention. We can allow ourselves to make mistakes, even when we know better.
We can stop blaming our relationships on God and begin to take responsibility for them. We can learn to enjoy the healthy relationships and remove ourselves more quickly from the dysfunctional ones.
We can learn to look for what's good for us, instead of what's good for the other person.
God, help me pay attention to my behaviors during the process of initiating relationships. Help me take responsibility for myself and learn what I need to learn. I will trust that the people I want and need will come into my life. I understand that if a relationship is not good for me, I have the right and ability to refuse to enter into it - even though the other person thinks it may be good for him or her. I will be open to the lessons I need to learn about me in relationships, so I am prepared for the best possible relationships with people.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I've heard it said that healthy people attract healthy people and sick people attract sick people.
I hear the truth in that because unless I am healthy within myself, I cannot discern what relationships are and are not good for me. Unless I am healthy, I cannot see the red flags that warn me of a toxic relationship.
It doesn't matter what the relationship is...romantic, friendship, work related...all apply. Taking time to heal myself, taking time to make ME healthy ensures that I will make better choices.
Hugs
I hear the truth in that because unless I am healthy within myself, I cannot discern what relationships are and are not good for me. Unless I am healthy, I cannot see the red flags that warn me of a toxic relationship.
It doesn't matter what the relationship is...romantic, friendship, work related...all apply. Taking time to heal myself, taking time to make ME healthy ensures that I will make better choices.
Hugs
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